Kingdom Hearts Awards
by sugarhigh-ninja3
Summary: The Kingdom Hearts Characters recieve awards for their various and miscellaneous roles, actions, and looks. Bridget and Erica hosting, with special and uberly random appearances by their friends, special guests, and Bridget's brother.
1. Hottie Awards!

**Kingdom Hearts Awards**

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, or any of that, because if I did, then I wouldn't be writing this, I'd be working on KH3. And uh... I don't own Sweettarts, either.

Author's Note: Well, this is just for fun, because I'm bored, I've got school blues, and because I need to write something random and funny instead of the stuff I have been writing (but not posting). And it's also a collab, between me and my friend, we will alternate writing chapters.

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**Bridget: **Hello everyone and welcome to the 1st ever annual Kingdom Hearts Awards!

**Erica: **Bridget, before we start the show, exactly how much sugar did you have?

**Bridget: **Not much, Just 10+ packets of Sweettarts and a can of soda. Why?

**Erica: **Because you're acting kind of-

**Bridget: **Hyper!?

**Erica: **Never mind. Let's just start the show!

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(All **bold** text is the **announcer**.)

"Well," Bridget announced hyperly, "the first awards to give out are the **Most Hottest Awards**!"

"Calm down, Bridget," Erica said, "let's just give out the awards. The first category is… **Hottest Male Kingdom Hearts Character**! The nominees in this category are as follows:"

"**Sora!"**

"**Riku!"**

"**Roxas!"**

"**Axel!"**

"**Leon!"**

"**And Cloud!"**

"But, we could only choose one of you to be the winner… so… Riku come on down!"

Erica handed Riku the trophy. "Make a speech," she urged.

"I'm not good at speeches," he muttered quietly to Erica and Bridget. He spoke louder to the crowd. "Well, um… I'd like to thank all of my fellow Kingdom Hearts guys, I know it must be tough for you to not be as hot as me… and I'd like to thank the many fangirls whose constant chasing me has kept me in shape… and I'd like to thank Erica for holding back Bridget so she doesn't kill me because Sora didn't win."

Riku stepped off the stage and Erica released Bridget, who immediately ran to get more sugar. (Which she definitely doesn't need.)

"Okay, well, while Bridget's off getting _more _sugar high," Erica announced to the audience. _If that's possible, _she thought to herself. "Logan will help me announce the **Hottest Female Kingdom Hearts Character**!"

"Thanks, Erica. The nominees in this category were:"

"**Naminé!"**

"**Yuffie!"**

"**And Tifa!"**

Erica first realized that this would go horribly wrong when she heard the other girls in the audience shouting and swearing angrily.

"And um… without further ado, the winner is:" Erica started.

"Yuffie!" Logan finished.

Yuffie happily skipped on stage to receive her award, gave Logan a small kiss on the cheek, and ran back to the crowd.

And before long, every other girl in the audience (plus Roxas and Leon) was on the stage trying to drag Logan away. But luckily, Bridget came back, holding a sea-salt ice-cream, and wondering what all the commotion was about. She used her authoress powers to magically get everyone off the stage before they killed her brother.

"If everyone will please calm down," she said (Which is odd, telling everyone to calm down, considering she herself is still hopped up on sugar.), "I am sure there is a good explanation for this."

Bridget nodded to Logan, who started explaining.

"Well, I didn't pick Kairi, because she reminds me too much of my sister."

At this, Erica once again had to restrain Bridget, and Sora ran up on stage after Kairi, who was also ready to harm Logan.

"And I-"

Bridget slapped her hand over Logan's mouth before he could get into any more trouble. Logan started to say something, but it was still muffled by Bridget's hand.

Bridget handed Logan to the angry mob, who took him backstage, and came back about 10 minutes later, but with no Logan.

"Um…" Erica started, but Bridget cut her off.

"We'll worry about him later," Bridget said, still under the influence of her sugar.

"Are you sure we shouldn't be worried?" Erica whispered to Bridget.

"Yeah, besides, whatever happened to him, as long as he's not hurt, he deserved, because he picked the nominees himself," she replied.

"Okay, then."

"**On to the next award!"**

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Kinda short, but I didn't have much time to write, so... hope you like it! Please review, but remember, no flames!!! And this is Bridget (aka, sugarhigh ninja #1) talking, just so ya know. Let me know what you think! (Oh and Erica, she's not a ninja, she's a pirate.)


	2. Yuffie Related Issues

Ok, well I would like to point out this is a different author (Erica) and I am not one of the sugarhigh-ninjas (I am in fact a pirate trying to learn the location of their ninja headquarters, but don't tell them that). So any way this is my chapter, and I loved all your requests (I might use them when experiencing writers block) but for now all I need to say is I don't own Kingdom Hearts (I wish) nor do I own anything else I might mention in this chapter. Oh and I also am taking a break on my serious work, so this is just for the sake of being crazy, but enough about me (tell me about you, jk :P) and on with the story!

**Erica: **Ok, so that award was fun, but not fun enough, so in this round we will be giving runner-up prizes. Remember, we are all winners here.

**Bridget: **Except Kairi.

**Erica: **Yes, we are all winners, except Kairi and Naminé. But anyway, on with the show!

**(Award music starts to play)**

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"Ok, our first award is for the character that got the** Best Makeover Between the Two Games**!" Erica announced.

"And the nominees are:" Bridget announced.

**"Sora!" **

**"Kairi!"**

**"Cloud!"**

**"Aerith!"**

**"Riku!"**

**"And Yuffie!"**

"And Leon," Erica added.

"No, Leon didn't get a makeover," Bridget corrected.

"Fine," Erica sniffled.

"Anyways, we would like all contestants to step on stage please," Bridget asked, as the contestants obligingly took their places on stage.

"Now we will start by eliminating the first contestant," Erica announced with renewed perkiness.

"And first to go is Riku, we thought the pants were an improvement, but you lost points for the belly shirt, I'm sorry but you will have to leave the stage."

"Don't forget your sixth place prize," Erica added, "it's a picture of me so you will always remember me and never ever, ever forget me."

"Ok, thanks, I guess," Riku said, tossing the picture in the trash on his way off the stage.

"Now, Sora we also felt that the color of your new costume is great, but you lost points for creativity, let's face it, your costume is very similar to you old one. I am very sad to say you must leave because of this," Bridget announced.

"And because I don't like you," Erica said handing him the fifth place prize. "It's a comb; try and use it some time." And with that she shoved him off the stage.

They waited for the cries 'I like his hair' from angry Sora fangirls to die down before they continued with the award show.

"Now in fourth place is Cloud, I'm sorry to announce that the man-dress is not a good look for you," Erica announced, "and as your consolation prize we are giving you an all expense paid trip to anger management! Have a nice life."

"Ok, now in third place is, wait second place…" Bridget said thoughtfully.

"No, third. Aerith, Yuffie and Kairi," Erica pointed out.

"Oh, well in that case third place goes to Aerith, because she failed to catch our attention with her awfully boring costume."

"But don't forget you prize," Erica reminded, handing her a book called "Why Returning From The Dead Is Just Wrong", by Sephiroth.

"Ok, and now that it is down to our final two contestants we will put it up to an audience vote," Bridget announced. "Your voting contraptions are under your seats."

"Um... we didn't have enough money for that, so by a show of hands, who thinks Yuffie should win?" Erica asked, as the whole audience raised their hands, except for Sora.

"So lets see, that's 1... 2... 3... 4... 974," Bridget counted.

"Ok, so it looks like Kairi wins," Erica announced as the audience booed; in fact not even Sora was clapping.

"Oh, be quiet, I hate Yuffie, so I have to say Kairi wins. And as your default prize, here is a pair of jeans, wear them, try to cover some skin."

"Why do you hate her so much?" Bridget asked.

"She stole my boyfriend, that slut."

"Erica, she isn't real, and you don't have a boyfriend, never did."

"Well, she stole my imaginary boyfriend, Axel."

"I swear I never dated Erica or Yuffie," Axel explained to his real girlfriend: Roxas.

"Ok, so I guess because of Erica's unexplained anger towards Yuffie, I give Kairi her first place trophy, but we were expecting Yuffie to win, so we don't have a trophy to give," Bridget announced.

"Here, she can have this empty soda can," Erica suggested.

"Oh shiny," Kairi said, since her small mind was incapable of coming up with anything else.

"Well, that's all for this award, we will be back later after a word with our sponsors," Erica said waving at the camera.

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_A bored little kid is sitting in his room._

"Have you ever found yourself with nothing to do and thinking, "Life would be so much better if I had a squirrel"?" the announcer says.

_Now the kid is smiling as a squirrel bites his nose._

"Well, here at the "**Between 2 Claires**" squirrel factory, we have squirrels of every size, shape, and color. The best part is they are only slightly used, and look how much fun he is having!"

_The little boy is now being mauled by an angry squirrel._

"Call now at 1-800-SQRL and get our amazing deal: buy one squirrel for the price of two, and get the second one absolutely free!!!"

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Bet you didn't see the squirrel thing coming. Well that was my chapter, hope you enjoyed it, and feel free to leave more award requests. The next chapter will be Bridget's. Bye, and see you in chapter four! (Oh and this is my first fanfic, so be nice.)


	3. Poor Logan!

**Important: THIS CHAPTER IS THE REASON THE STORY IS RATED T. IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE INAPPROPRIATE JOKES, ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 13, OR HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR, WE ADVISE YOU TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER!!!!!**

Disclaimer Thingy: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. There. I said it. Are you happy now? Oh, and I still don't own Sweettarts or Pepsi. But, I DO own **Between Two Claires**. Because I'm special like that. 

Okay, so, this is Bridget now. We only have two chapters so far, but I really hope you people are smart enough to figure out that I get odd chapters (because I'm odd) and Erica gets even chapters (because even though two wrongs don't make a right, two odds do make an even – seriously. 1 + 3 4; 3 + 5 8; 5 + 7 12… you get the picture!). And uh… regarding the secret ninja base… it's a cave under a tree and there's no evidence of our ever being there anyway. And I'm still sugar-high.

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**Bridget: **So… uh… we're back! And stuff.

**Erica: **And by "And stuff", she means "to give more awards to your favorite and least favorite characters for things they did or didn't do".

**Bridget: **That, and the ninth caller when you see a rabid squirrel attack Sora gets a free **Between Two Claires **pizza!

**Erica: **Dinner and a show!

**Sora: **You're going to attack me with a squirrel!? WTF!?

**Bridget: **Sshhh… you're not supposed to know about that. And it was HER idea! (points at Erica)

**Erica: **True.

**Sora: **I'm gonna-

**Bridget: **On with the show!

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"So… this time around our first award is the **Hardest Boss Battle**!" Erica announced happily.

"And our nominees in the category were:" Bridget continued.

"**Riku!" **

"**Maleficent!" **

"**And Sephiroth!" **

"But, we only have one trophy for this award, because there is only one winner and two losers, and the other two will go home depressed and unaccomplished…" Erica started.

"Get on with it!" the audience shouted.

"The winner is Riku," Bridget said quickly.

"WHAT!?" came the angry shouts from Maleficent and Sephiroth.

"Well, Maleficent, you were hard and all," Bridget started. "The first time I fought you," she muttered under her breath. "But let's face it, I had to fight Riku more times than you as a witch and you as a dragon combined."

Riku beamed and ran up on stage.

"Well, what about me?" Sephiroth asked irritatedly.

Erica explained. "You're REALLY really hard… but, since you're an optional boss, and defeating you does not affect the plot unless you're one of those people who has to get everything 100, most people give up on you the second time they lose."

"In English?" the crowd asked.

"Sephiroth is not important to the plot at all and most gamers are happier when they ignore the optional boss completely. Your character adds nothing whatsoever to the game."

And then, something unexpected happened: Sephiroth started to _cry. _Oh, yeah, and then he went backstage muttering something about "little boys."

"Bridget, isn't Logan still backstage?" Erica asked.

"OMG! You're right!"

As if on cue, a scream was heard from behind the stage curtain.

"**OMG! There's a creepy, silver-haired man back here! Stay away from me! AHHHHHHHHH!"**

Bridget and Riku immediately ran backstage, followed by Erica, who quickly said, "We'll be right back after this word from our sponsor! Cue rabid squirrel!"

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"Did you know that **Between Two Claires** is also a pizza company?"

"Isn't that unsanitary?"

"No. The squirrels wash their hands before they make the pizzas."

"The squirrels make the pizzas?"

"Yes. And much more. So be the ninth caller, and not only do you get to see Sora mauled by a rabid squirrel…"

"**OW!"**

"- You also get a free pizza AND a squirrel! So call 1-800-SQRL now!"

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Erica, Riku, and Bridget made their way backstage, to find Sephiroth leaning very close to Logan, who had apparently been tied to a chair by Leon, Roxas, and every girl in the audience whose name was not Yuffie.

"What do we do?" Erica asked, clinging to Riku's arm for dear life.

"How 'bout, you let go of my arm, and ask Bridget?" Riku suggested sarcastically.

"I got it," Bridget said, pulling out her notebook.

The earth shook and Riku, Bridget, Erica, Sephiroth, and Logan's chair bounced up and down as the giant 50-foot penguin stomped towards the five people. And being very tall, but incredibly simple-minded, the giant penguin just _happened _to "accidentally" step on Sephiroth, who screamed in pain.

"Pengy!" Bridget shouted happily, clinging to the bird.

Pengy scraped Sephiroth off the bottom of his foot, and carried him back to the stage while Logan, Bridget, Erica, and Riku followed close behind.

"What are you gonna do to me?" Sephiroth asked. His voice was full of fear.

"We're gonna throw you out," Erica proclaimed happily.

"But not without a lovely parting gift," Bridget added. "You get the **Most Disturbing Character **award!"

Bridget handed the award to Sephiroth, and nodded to Pengy, who punted Sephiroth out of the building the ceremony was being held in. And there was a huge whole in the ceiling.

"So… um, where were we?" Erica asked.

"You were giving me the **Hardest Boss Battle Award**," Riku answered.

"Oh, yeah."

"WAIT!" Maleficent shouted from the crowd.

"What now?" Logan asked.

"I want proof that Riku is the hardest boss battle," she said.

Bridget and Erica gave each other identical "Is she joking?" glances. But they sighed and presented the evidence.

**WARNING: What you are about to read may be the sadist thing you ever read/heard, because this actually happened to Bridget and Erica. Bridget lost to him so many times that Erica and Bridget actually memorized the ENTIRE cutscene before the Riku battle WORD FOR WORD!!! And so now, Erica and Bridget will recite it: word for word.**

(A/N: But of course, Bridget was too lazy to actually write it all out, so just know that they did recite it _exactly_ as it was said in the game.)

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The crowd was stunned speechless. After all, this had occurred several years ago and the girls still remembered.

"Riku wins," Maleficent sighed.

"Riku was going to win whether or not you liked it," Erica pointed out.

Bridget handed to trophy to Riku, who is the only character at this time to have two awards.

"Well, that's all the time we have right now, but be back later for the next award!" Bridget announced.

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**CONTEST: THE NINTH REVIWER OF THIS FANFICTION WILL BE FEATURED IN CHAPTER 5!!!!! Provided that: 1) you can tell us a little bit about yourself, so we know what your character should be like. 2) we're not going to call you by your username, so give us a name that you would like your character to have. 3) you have to be able to take a joke. 4) and lastly, a squirrel will be swearing at you, and if you cannot handle such things, we advise you to add an "I don't want to be the ninth caller" to your review. Thank you!**

Three chapters! All right, we're getting somewhere. Same as usual – continue to review, because we love to see what our readers have to say. The next chapter's Erica's, but I'll be back in Chapter 5, just because you guys are worth it. TTFN!


	4. Squirrels Have Rights Too!

Ok, so it's me (Erica) again, with Chapter Four. I would like to add that I do not support the pairing of Axel and Roxas, as I might have suggested in Chapter Two. I mean, why would I wish that upon Axel? Also, I think it is unsanitary that the **Between Two Claires** company makes pizza and squirrels, so I am shutting them down as of now. We now need to find new sponsors (hopefully more sanitary ones) but don't worry, the show will go on. And finally I DO hate Yuffie, and NO ONE will convince me to do otherwise.

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**Logan: **Um… well, today I will be starting out the show, 'cause Erica and Bridget were summoned to court for creating an unsanitary pizza restaurant, so uh… I would also like to point out that Sephiroth must sit at least five rows away from the stage, unless he wants to be taken to jail for violating the restraining order. So the first award for today is for the **Gayest Kingdom Hearts Character** (thanks to gimeGohan for the idea). The nominees are:

"**Sora!"**

"**Donald!!"**

"**Riku!"**

"**Ansem!!!"**

"**King Mickey!!!"**

"**And Axel!!!!"**

"So, I'm supposed to have all the contestants step on stage at this point," Logan said reading off his note cards.

"And that's enough, we're back," Bridget said.

"How did the case go?" Logan asked.

"Some sort of squirrel labor laws were said to have been violated, so they shut us down and gave us the minimum charge," Erica explained.

"And what is the minimum charge?" Logan asked.

"We don't want to talk about it," Bridget said shoving her brother off stage, "Now, back to the show! Would you care to make the first cut?"

"I'd love too! Now, while the idea of King Mickey being gay is insanely amusing to me, we have no proof, and must disqualify him," Erica announced.

"What about me, there is no proof I'm gay!" Riku yelled.

"Please Riku, I found the magazines!" Erica sobbed.

"What!?!? There were no magazines! What are you talking about?!?!?" Riku yelled louder.

"Don't upset her anymore, I think it would be best if you just didn't talk," Bridget said.

"But," Riku begged.

"That's talking," Bridget told him.

"Now, since this discussion is straying off topic (my English teacher says that's my biggest problem) we should get back to the show," Erica said nervously. "While I would like to say Axel and Riku aren't gay, I must first disqualify Sora, because of Kairi."

"Now we can let Axel go, right?" Bridget asked.

"No, he showed up to the awards with Roxas as his guest, I think he should stay on stage a while," Erica responded.

"What about me? Can I leave now?" Riku asked.

"Hey, gay wad, shut up!" Bridget said.

"HE'S NOT GAY!!!!" Millions of angry Riku fan girls yelled, as they rushed the stage.

"Quick, find cover!" Erica yelled as she ducked behind the announcer's podium.

"I'm one step ahead of you," Bridget yelled, as she pulled Logan out from backstage, and used him as a human shield. The angry fan girls passed without even scratching Bridget, but they carried Logan off backstage.

"NOT AGAIN!!!" Logan yelled.

"Ok, so now let's get down to the final two contestants, since this building suspense thing is boring me," Erica said, "so would Donald and Riku please leave the stage?"

"Now we have Axel and Ansem left, so we will play their gayest moments on screen to decide the final winner."

**

* * *

**

**Axel: **You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!

**Roxas:** No one would miss me.

**Axel:** That's not true... I would. (Gets teary eyed)

* * *

"Wow, Axel! Would you like to comment on that?" Bridget asked.

"Yes, I meant it like, he was my best friend. I'm not dating him, or Erica, or Yuffie. Please, I just want to go home!!!"

"_Sure_ you are -- I mean the video doesn't lie," Bridget said.

"And as for Ansem's gayest moment, it is too gay for this award show. But I would like to remind every one of Riku in the first game, so with that I would like to announce that Ansem is the winner of our **Gayest Character Award**!!!" Erica announced.

"But Axel was a close second," Bridget said, preparing to grab Logan incase of another fangirl attack, but thankfully no such thing happened.

"Well, that's all for today, come back later for Chapter Five!" Bridget said.

"No, there is one more thing I would like to do before we leave today," Erica said.

"What, kiss Riku?"

"Yes, but that's not it. I would like to present the **Been Through More Shit Than Anyone Else in This Fan Fiction Award**," Erica said pulling out a large golden trophy.

"Wow, that was a long title," Bridget said.

"And the winner is Logan!!" Erica yelled.

"Thanks, guys," Logan said limping on stage. He was wearing a full-body cast (apparently Riku fan girls are more violent then Yuffie haters).

"And NOW that's all!" Erica said, as award music played.

"See you in the next chapter!" Bridget yelled to the audience.

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And another chapter done, this isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Also, Logan, if you are reading this I really feel you deserve the award you were given, after all, we have put you through a lot of shit (a lot of painful shit). Well, as for the readers, please review, I like requests (they require less thinking on my part) hope you're enjoying our story, I know I am. See you in Chapter Six, but it might take a little while, because of reports I have to write, and B-day celebrations.


	5. Emo, Hyper, and Useless!

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! NOT KH, NOTHING!!!**

Hola! It's me, Bridget with Chapter 5, but first I have to inform you: I wanted to write another chapter so badly that I couldn't wait for the 9th reviewer, so I will postpone that until either Chapter 7, or Chapter 9. Also, I would like to give a shout out to Erica, 'cause it's her birthday!!! And I would also like to tell Erica that this fanfiction is already rated T, so she CAN swear if she feels the need. Now that that's out of the way, let's start the show!

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**Bridget: **Well, I actually don't have a lot to say right now… but I will tell you that this time we bring you not 1, not 2, but 3 awards!

**Erica: **YAY!

**Bridget: **Without further ado, I bring you… CHAPTER FIVE!!!!!

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"Well, the first award we're giving this time is… the **Most Emo Character** award!" Bridget announced in a cheerful tone.

"The nominees in this category were:" Erica began.

"**Zexion!"**

"**Cloud!"**

"**Riku!"**

"**Axel!"**

"**And… Roxas!?"**

"Who the hell nominated Roxas?" Erica asked.

"Bridget did," Logan answered. "Will all the nominees please come to the stage?"

"I still want an explanation of why Bridget picked Roxas," Erica mumbled.

"Okay. I nominated Roxas because first of all, he has a very emo theme song. Second of all, because he wears black more than any other character – it's on his regular clothes AND his Organization XIII cloak. And third of all, because apparently he's "someone from the dark"," Bridget answered.

"Fine, but I won't like it!" Erica said.

"First to go is… Cloud! Sorry, buddy, but you were only nominated because in Advent Children you were VERY emo, with the mourning for your dead girlfriend. But, because we think you still have potential, you get a copy of **"How to Be Emo for Morons"** as your consolation prize," Bridget said.

Cloud grabbed the book and left the stage, going back to sit next to Aerith.

"Roxas! We vote you off the island!" Erica shouted.

"What island?" Roxas asked.

"There is no island. You're just not fit to receive the Emo Award because…" Bridget started.

"Because you're not emo and I hate you!" Erica yelled.

Roxas shrugged and walked off stage.

"Next to go is Axel, because he wasn't really emo, he just missed his best friend," Bridget said.

"But don't forget your consolation prize," Erica added, presenting Axel with a small slip of paper. "It's my phone number."

"That's great," Axel said, lighting it on fire behind his back while walking off stage.

"And now… when we're down to our last two contestants… we're getting rid of Riku, because he already has two awards and is nowhere near as emo as Zexion," Bridget said.

"And your prize is… a T-shirt that reads, "Emo grass cuts itself." Use it well," Erica said, balling up the shirt and throwing it at Zexion.

"Oh joy," Zexion said sarcastically. But at least he kept the shirt.

"…Moving on," Logan said, "Our next award is the **Most Hyper Character **award!"

"And this time our nominees are:" Bridget said.

"**Yuffie!"**

"**Selphie!"**

"**And Rikku!" **(And no, she's not a fairy, and she's in her FFX clothes)

"Please, come up on stage!" Erica called.

"First of all, we're eliminating Selphie, because while you were very random in KH 1, you lost your touch in KH2," Erica explained. "And because your hair bugs me."

"Second to go is Rikku, because as hyper as you are, you only had like 3 lines, so sorry, but no trophy," Bridget said.

"And that means the winner is…" Logan started.

"Bridget!" Erica shouted.

"WHAT?"

"But, Erica, I wasn't even nominated," Bridget said.

"So? I hate Yuffie, and you should have been nominated, because if we give you sugar, you're more hyper than the three of them combined!" Erica said.

"Aw… Thank you!"

Erica thrust the trophy into Bridget's arms, and stuck her tongue out at Yuffie.

Yuffie pouted and stormed off stage, grabbing Logan by his shirt collar and dragging him with her.

"Yes!" Logan said, being pulled along by Yuffie.

"Um… we're not sure what just happened…" Bridget said, "But I will happily accept the award in Yuffie's place!"

Leon cast a hateful glance in their direction as Yuffie walked/dragged Logan past him.

"And finally… our last award tonight is the **Most Useless Character **award (suggested by gimeGohan)!" Erica announced.

"And the nominees for this award are:" Bridget said.

"**Donald!"**

"**Goofy!"**

"**And Kairi!"**

"Who nominated Kairi?" Sora asked stupidly.

"I did," Bridget said gleefully.

Kairi glared.

"Well, the only thing you seem capable of doing is getting yourself kidnapped and making Sora and Riku suffer."

Kairi opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Erica.

"First, Goofy, please get off the stage, because you made a very useful human – canine? – shield against that large flying rock!" Erica said.

"Second of all, Donald, you can go, because if Goofy gets to leave, then so should you, and because I really want Kairi win!"

"Wow," Erica interrupted, "I never thought I'd hear you use the words "I want Kairi to win". At all. Ever."

"Well, I did. And she wins!" Bridget said.

Kairi grumbled as she accepted to the award, and walked back off stage.

"Well, those are the only awards we have for now, so see ya later!" Bridget called.

"Say goodnight, Bridget," Erica said, waving.

"Goodnight, Bridget."

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There's Chapter 5 for ya. Remember please review, and we really need at least nine reviews, so we can do the special chapter! Also, after all the awful things that have happened to Logan, I think he deserves to be kidnapped by someone who won't beat him up for a change. (At least, we hope Yuffie doesn't beat him up…) The next chapter's Erica's, and it should be up pretty soon. But I'll be back in Chapter 7! Bye!


	6. Surprising Truths

It's Erica. Sorry this is taking so long. I was preoccupied with two English reports, uploading songs to my new iPod, and reading a vampire novel (no, not **Twilight**, believe it or not this punk rocker does own more then one vampire novel). Anyway, I have finished most of that sh--, and figured I should start my chapter, so Bridget can post hers.

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**Erica:** Well, we're back for another round of Kingdom hearts awards.

**Bridget: **And running out of normal awards, so this is the part of the show where things start to get a little strange.

**Erica:** As if it wasn't strange enough.

**Logan: **Am I safe to come back, or am I going to get hurt again?

**Erica:** Well, you normally only get hurt in your sister's chapters, so I'm going to say your safe.

**Logan:** But I got hurt in your last chapter!

**Erica: **Well, that was for making Bridget laugh, and spit soda on my pizza.

**Bridget:** That was at least two years ago, you have to let it go!

**Erica:** It wasn't your pizza that got ruined!

**Bridget: **Well, on with the show!

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"Well, today we will be doing the **Most Likely to Own Multiple Teddy Bears **award," Erica announced, "and since one of my friends listened to my request for birthday presents, our guest star today is Tom Felton, he is my newest B-Day gift. Don't ask how my friend got Tom Felton for my birthday, she has connections."

"And the present was really just a poster of Tom Felton," Logan pointed out.

"Do you want me to make the penguin come back?" Erica asked.

"Well, anyway I think we should announce the nominees now," Bridget said, breaking up the potential fight between her brother and her friend.

"**Axel!"**

"**Sora!!"**

"**Riku!!!"**

"**Leon!!!!"**

"**And Xigbar!!!!!"**

"Now, contestants, please step on stage," Erica announced, failing to notice that Logan was helping Tom Felton escape.

"The first rejection from the competition is Axel, because he doesn't own any stuffed animals, Erica just likes nominating him for the most embarrassing awards," Bridget said.

"And next, Riku is eliminated for owning stuffed rabbits, and while that is equally embarrassing, this is strictly a bear award. Riku you must leave," Logan said.

"Where is Tom Felton?" Erica asked.

"He had a meeting," Logan said.

"He's an actor," Bridget pointed out.

"Actors have meetings too," Logan said.

"Ahem… can we get back to the award please?" Sora asked.

"Okay, next I am eliminating Leon, 'cause I'm scared of his gun blade. It's a gun and a knife; I mean that's just creepy."

"So the final two contestants are Sora, who doesn't own teddy bears and Xigbar," Bridget said.

"Well, that may not be true," Erica announced, holding up a large white stuffed bear, the size of Logan.

"Mr. Fuzzlesworth!" Sora yelled, grabbing his precious teddy bear away from Erica.

"HA," Xigbar snorted, "I think it is obvious who wins."

"Again, I wouldn't be so sure," Erica announced holding a small pink bear wearing a raincoat.

"Wuzzlumps!!! They didn't hurt you did they?" Xigbar asked the bear once it was back in his arms.

"Ok, so who wins? They both own stuffed animals," Bridget said.

"Well, the question is who owns _multiple_ teddy bears. Bring them in Logan," Erica said beckoning Bridget's brother from backstage.

Logan carefully dumped two garbage bags filled with teddy bears onto the stage.

"My babies!" Xigbar screeched, running forward to pick them all up.

"And the winner is Xigbar!" Bridget announced.

"Join us later, when we are back for more awards!" Erica yelled, as the cameras began to zoom out.

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Well, that was my chapter. I'll write more later, but now I'm off to look for Tom Felton. Where could he have gotten off to? So I'll see you guys in Chapter Eight, but until then good-bye!!


	7. Onion Rings and Shiny Things

Hey, everyone! It's Bridget here with Chapter 7! does dance Any who, the contest is closed, and our ninth caller is… a secret. We're not doing the contest until Chapter 9, so that's when you find out who our lucky ninth caller is. But, Emme (aka, sugar high ninja #2) will be in this chapter and maybe a couple others too. So, with that said, let's start the chapter!

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**Erica: **Great, _another _ninja.

**Bridget: **That makes three of us. :)

**Erica: **Yuffie, you, Emme… crap! That is three!

**Bridget: **You're outnumbered.

**Erica: **Where's "Captain" Jack Sparrow when you need him?

**Bridget: **On with the show!

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"Well, our first award this time is the **Cutest Couple Award**!" Logan announced.

And the nominees for this award are:" Erica called.

"**Sora and Kairi!"**

"**Roxas and Naminé!"**

"**Cloud and Aerith!"**

"**And Leon and Yuffie!"**

"Contestants, please take your place on stage!" Bridget shouted.

"Well, the first couple to be eliminated is Aerith and Cloud, because this is a couple award, not a threesome award," Erica said.

"Who's the third person?" Aerith asked impatiently, tapping her foot.

Cloud remained silent, so Logan answered for him.

"Tifa. Isn't it obvious?" he asked.

Aerith pulled Cloud by his ear off the stage, grabbed Tifa by her ear, and the three of them left the building.

"Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith have left the building!" Erica yelled.

"No, really? That's exactly what I just typed!" Bridget said sarcastically.

"Fine. Well, the next couple to be eliminated is Sora and Kairi, because official couples are nowhere near as cool as fan-based ones," Erica said.

"And because I hate the Sora / Kairi pairing. Sora, it's not your fault, it's Kairi's," Bridget yelled.

Kairi sulked off stage, pulling Sora by the arm with her.

"And Roxas and Naminé are the next to go, because it's really not fair to get rid of Sora and Kairi but not their Nobodies," Logan said.

Erica and Logan waited for Bridget to say something, but she remained silent, for once.

"What? I don't like Roxas!" she yelled.

Naminé and Roxas walked off stage, the first people to leave the stage in a good mood. Only Roxas looked like he was about to cry.

"That means we're left with… Leon and Yuffie!" Bridget said.

"And Logan, apparently," Erica added, since Yuffie was holding one of Leon's hands and one of Logan's.

"Wait," Riku cried, "I thought you said threesomes couldn't receive this award!"

"They can't," Bridget said. "So, we're going to let the reviewers vote!"

"Okay!" said Yuffie cheerfully, skipping offstage with Leon and Logan in tow.

"Hey, guys, what'd I miss?" asked Emme.

"Um… nothing, really," Erica answered.

"So, wanna help give out some awards?" Bridget asked.

"Yeah, Yuffie just dragged Logan off somewhere, so he's basically useless now," Erica added.

"Okay!" Emme said happily. "The next award is the **BLANKETY BLANK** award!" (That's seriously what it's called.)

Erica and Bridget shrugged, interested in seeing what Emme was getting at.

"And the winner is… Naminé!" Emme announced.

"That's ridiculous," Naminé shouted. "That's not even a real award! You made it up!"

Erica pulled out her notebook and scribbled furiously.

"It's real now! Please come forward to receive your award!" she yelled.

"Why me?" Naminé asked, walking up to the stage.

"You got two out of three votes," Emme stated simply.

"Who didn't vote for me?" she asked.

"I didn't nominate you. I nominated Kairi," Bridget said.

And angry shout was heard from the audience, as Sora struggled to keep Kairi from going up to the stage and giving Bridget a piece of her mind.

Emme shoved the award into Naminé's hands and pushed her off stage.

"Um… right…" Erica said. "Well, our next award is the **Girlie Man **Award!"

"This time our nominees are:" Emme started.

"**Sora!"**

"**Riku!"**

"**Marluxia!"  
**

"**Cloud!"**

"**Leon!"**

"**Seifer!"**

"**And Roxas!"**

The guys grumbled as they walked on stage, wondering why such an award even existed.

"First to go is Sora, because crying doesn't make you any less of a man," said Bridget.

"It doesn't?" Sora asked.

"No, that's hot," she answered.

"It is?"

"Yes, and if you don't get off stage in about three seconds, you will be forced to stay."

Sora, not needing a further invitation, hurried off stage just in time.

"Okay… Well, the next person to be eliminated is Leon, because lots of guys wear tight pants. We're just glad you're not wearing _girl _pants," Erica said.

Leon walked off stage with his usual apathetic expression.

"Now we're getting rid of Roxas," Emme said, "because we only nominated him because we can."

Roxas looked furious, but he looked relieved to not have won the award.

"Now we're going to get rid of Cloud, because man-dress aside, at least he has his stomach covered," Erica said.

Riku and Seifer scowled angrily as Cloud walked off stage.

"Next to go is Seifer, because of our three remaining contestants, he is the only one that doesn't have long hair," Bridget said.

"Now that we're down to our last two people," Emme said, "We're eliminating Riku, because although he does wear a skirt in the first game, he is less girly than Marluxia."

Riku walked off stage, muttering something like "When did I wear a skirt?" And Erica and Bridget felt the need to answer.

"When you were "possessed"," Bridget answered.

"We called you a Hula-Dancing-Heartless-Vampire-On Steroids-with No Sense of Fashion," Erica added.

Before Riku could get mad, Emme announced, "And the winner is Marluxia! Because any guy with long, pink hair who likes flowers obviously deserves to get the **Girlie Man **Award."

"How is this possible?" Marluxia asked.

"Well, I thought you were a girl for at least half of **Chain of Memories**," Bridget admitted.

"And besides, instead of a trophy, you get a tiara!" Emme said.

Marluxia closed his eyes and stuck his hands out.

"Hey! This is just one of those cheap cardboard crowns from Burger King!" he yelled.

"So? At Burger King, you can have it your way!" Bridget exclaimed.

Marluxia shrugged, and _skipped _offstage.

"Well, that's all for tonight!" Erica said.

"Wait," Bridget yelled, "We have one more award!"

"What is it?"

"The **Only Person in the Fanfiction Who Hates Kingdom Hearts** Award!" Bridget exclaimed, handing the trophy to Emme.

"Thanks!" Emme said.

"NOW that's all!" Bridget said, waving at the camera.

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Wow, that was LONG! Well, that's my chapter for today. Remember, please review and remember to vote for your favorite couple! **Logan and Yuffie** or **Yuffie and Leon**??? You, the readers, get to decide!! And also - we need you to vote on the **Best Spikey Hair. **Roxas, Sora, Cloud, or Axel???


	8. Where is My Award?

Erica again. I would like to remind you all to vote for Yuffie and Logan, 'cause he deserves it (and Leon is one of the guys I don't want Yuffie to have). Also, I would like to add that I am the only real person in the fanfic who didn't get an award. Bridget got **Most Hyper**, Logan got **Been Through More Sh-- Than Anyone Else in This Fanfiction**, and Emme got **Only Character in the Fanfic Who Hates Kingdom Hearts**. Where is my award?

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**Erica:** Today, we are doing the **Most Likely to Try Skiing Off the Top of a Car** award.

**Bridget:** And Logan is still missing, so it's just us again.

**Erica: **No, if you got to invite your ninja friend I'm inviting my pirate friend (hopefully this 'friend' won't escape). His name is Lorcan, and is both pirate and vampire making him doubly cool.

**Bridget:** That's different. You can't invite people from other books/fanfics!

**Erica:** Overruled, Lorcan stays.

**Lorcan:** Where am I?

**Erica: **You are at the Kingdom Hearts awards!

**Lorcan: **The sunlight, it burns! –runs off stage-

**Erica: **I swear I'm losing 'friends' faster then I can say Organization XIII.

**Bridget:** See? This is why your mom won't let you have a hamster.

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"Anyway, today is another one of the most unusual awards, which I enjoy more (I would also like to point out then in an earlier fanfic of mine Leon and Riku did ski off a car) and greatly look forward to seeing the winner, even though I think I know who will win," Erica said.

"Don't we all?" Bridget asked.

"No, our readers don't because you haven't announced our contestants!"

"Okay, our contestants are:" Bridget announced.

"**Leon!"**

"**Sora!!"**

"**Cloud!!!"**

"**Axel!!!!"**

"Now, I don't think Cloud would try skiing off his car," Bridget pointed out.

"Unless he was trying to hurt himself. This dude is seriously emo."

"Well, I'm disqualifying him, this is a stupidity contest, not an emo contest (for that award see chapter five)," Bridget said.

"Well, then I'm eliminating Axel, because he is more likely to light the car on fire," Erica said.

"Okay it is between Sora and Leon," Bridget said, "but if Sora jumped off a car it was probably only because Riku dared him."

"Or pushed him," Erica suggested.

"Well, why would they be just standing on the top of a car? No, I think Riku would have had to dare him to jump off the car," Bridget argued.

"It's not jumped off a car it is _skied off a car_," Erica reminded her.

"Oh well, all the same I think Leon deserves this award."

"Wait, can I give this award to a real to a real person?" Erica asked.

"Are you still on the whole not having an award thing?"

"Yes, but that's not the real person who deserves this."

"Have they been in any of the chapters so far?"

"No, why?"

"Then no, put them in a chapter and we'll see."

"Fine, then the award goes to Leon." Erica sighed .

"Ok, well do we have enough time for another award?" Bridget asked.

"No, we're done for now, I have to go find another friend for Chapter Ten. One who has not been held captive against their will, who is not allergic to sun, who trusts me enough to put them in a fanfic, and who doesn't think Kingdom Hearts is for little kids (you know who you are, and I will be avenged)," Erica sulked.

"Well, I guess that's all, and let's hope her new friend isn't imaginary," Bridget said.

"I know who I will bring into the fanfic," Erica yelled, running off stage.

"Oh no, I have to stop her from kidnapping more celebrities!" Bridget said following after her.

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I know this chapter didn't have much to do with the award, but I'm setting up Chapter Ten, so bear with me, and a trophy was still given. Anyway, I'm off to find my new friend for Chapter Ten. (Bridget, you're going to hate this, I haven't talked about him for at least two weeks, and I know you thought I was done, but I'm not!!!)


	9. Fangirls and Squirrely Wrath

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TAKE A JOKE, PEOPLE WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOR, AND PEOPLE UNDER THE AGE OF THIRTEEN. READ AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE!!! (BEWARE SQUIRRELY WRATH!!!)**

**Disclaimer: Foamy the Squirrel and all affiliated characters are (c) Jonathan Ian Mathers at Kingdom Hearts and all affiliated characters are (c) Square Enix and Disney. I DON'T OWN THEM! GOT IT MEMORIZED!?**

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What's up, everyone? It's me, Bridget, and this is Chapter Nine, where we will have 2 special guest stars. So let's all give a warm welcome to Koko and Foamy the Squirrel! Also, I wrote this Chapter _after _sobbing myself into a coma when I figured out who Erica's friend for Chapter 10 is so… enjoy!

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**Bridget: **Alrighty guys! This is our first special chapter, and if this one goes over well, we'll try to do a couple more!

**Erica: **And I would like to introduce our special guest star and fellow fanfictioneer – Koko (aka Kokonita)

**Koko: **Thanks guys! -applause as Koko walks out on stage-

**Riku: **Welcome to the show!

**Sora: **She's obviously one of my many fangirls… or something.

**Koko: **Um… no. Only in _your _dreams.

**Bridget: **I'm one of your many fangirls… or something!

**Koko: **OMG! Is that Riku!?

**Riku: **No. It's the uh… muffin man.

**Koko: **No, it's Riku. I can tell because I'm reading who said it :)

**Bridget: **Um… not that chatting with you guys isn't great, but we should definitely start the show now.

**Erica: **Yeah.

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Bridget and Erica were talking animatedly and practicing for their next award to present, when someone walked backstage. It was a girl, about their age, but it wasn't someone they knew.

"Can we help you?" Erica asked, confused.

Bridget was rapidly pressing a red button that made a loud buzzing noise.

"Yes, while we're waiting for security to show up, do you mind telling us who you are?" she asked.

"Sure. My name's Koko, and I'm your "ninth caller"," she answered happily.

"Oh. Did you enjoy your free pizza and squirrel?" Bridget asked.

"Um… no. The pizza was cold, and there's something wrong with my squirrel," Koko replied.

"Really? What's wrong with it?" Erica asked.

Koko held out a normal-looking gray squirrel with green eyes. She held it by its tail.

"Um… are the eyes the problem?"

"No."

"PUT ME DOWN! SON OF A" the squirrel started.

"Foamy!" Bridget said excitedly, grabbing and cuddling the angry squirrel.

"I see the problem," Erica said, rolling her eyes.

"So," Bridget said, setting down Foamy, "we need to make it up to you then."

"How'd you like to help us give out the next couple of awards?" Erica asked.

"Okay."

The three walked out on stage to start the show.

"Hiya! And we're here tonight to give out two more awards!" Erica announced.

"But, we have a special guest star, and… a guest squirrel, so let's a have a big round of applause for Koko! And Foamy!" Bridget shouted.

The audience clapped, cheered and whistled, and Erica, Koko, and Bridget waited for the noise to die down to continue.

"So, our first award tonight is the **Most Annoying Battle Quote **award," Koko said.

"And our nominees are:" Erica began.

"**Ansem!"**

"**Xemnas!"**

"**And Seifer!"**

"Okay," Koko started, "Well, the first one to go is Ansem. Not that shouting "DARKNESS SUBMIT!" every five seconds isn't annoying, but… well, that was really nothing compared to the other two."

Ansem walked off stage and met someone in the back.

"OMG! It's Sephiroth!" Logan shouted hysterically, clinging to Bridget's leg.

"Aw… but they're made for each other… I mean, they have common… interests," Bridget said, prying her brother off her leg.

"Yep," Erica agreed. "A regular match made in hell."

"You know another match made in hell?" Sora asked.

"How'd you get on stage?" Erica asked.

"That's not important," Sora said. "Don't you wanna know what I was going to say?"

"Nope," Koko said.

"Not really," Erica agreed.

"I do!" Bridget volunteered.

"Riku and Maleficent."

At this, and large group of Riku fangirls ran on stage and dragged Sora away. And that was the last time they saw him in Chapter 9…

"Um… right. Well, next to go is Xemnas, because even though it was VERY irritating to hear "You shall go together" every five seconds, it still wasn't enough to win."

Xemnas walked off stage, and our main characters were very happy that he did not meet up with anyone.

"Well, that means the winner is... Seifer!" Koko said cheerfully.

"Whaddya mean?" he asked.

"It' very disturbing to hear "Isn't this romantic?" when you're fighting another guy. Sick. And. Wrong. You practially scarred poor Roxas for life."

Seifer grumbled as he accepted the award and headed back to his seat.

"Our next award is **Master of Disguise**," Erica happily proclaimed.

"And the winner is… Riku!" Koko said.

Bridget handed the award to Riku, who asked, "What kind of award is this? When was I a master of disguise?"

Erica answered. "Well, only you could be both a creepy old guy and your amazingly hot self in one game."

"Er… right. Now, where did Sora go? I still have to kill him for that last comment."

"Your fangirls already took care of him," Koko answered.

"Excellent," Riku said in a fake, evil accent.

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Later, Erica, Koko, and Bridget were sneaking around in Riku's room.

Of course, Koko and Erica were trying to find "souvenirs" and Bridget was rolling her eyes at them, the way only a non-Riku fangirl would do.

"You guys, this is serious. We need to find that award," Bridget said.

"Why are we taking one of Riku's awards again?" Koko asked.

"Because he has like 5," Erica said.

"Found it!" Bridget said, holding up a shiny golden trophy.

"Escape Plan Alpha!" Erica shouted.

"Is that the one where we crawl back into the air conditioning vent that we used to get in here?" Koko asked.

"That's the one! Let's go!"

The three scurried over the couch and into the vent, just in time too, because Riku didn't see anything.

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"Look, it has 30,000 bids," Koko said.

"What does?" Erica asked.

"We auctioned Riku's trophy on the internet," Bridget explained.

"That's a lot of munny."

"Hey, has anyone seen my award?" Riku asked.

"Which one?" Erica asked.

"It doesn't matter which one, one of them's missing!" Riku said.

"Right. My money's on Maleficent," Bridget lied.

"I don't have any trophies!" Maleficent called from the audience.

"Hey look! The auction's over!" Erica shouted.

"Auction? What auction?" Riku asked.

"I WON!" Koko shouted.

"Won what?" Riku asked.

Just then… a random Fed-Ex dude showed up with a box.

"What's inside?" Bridget asked.

"My award!" Riku cried.

"Well… see… we sold one of your awards on the internet… but now we have money for voting machines!" Erica said.

"And I got a souvenir of the whole chapter I spent on the show!" Koko added.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Riku wailed.

Out of nowhere… Foamy came back!

"Oh I see, couldn't give up one award for the sake of the show, you cheap bastard. Fuck you, alright!?" he shouted.

"You are one angry squirrel," Bridget commented.

And then, the cry of the fangirls "HE USED RIKU'S NAME IN VAIN! GET HIM!"

The mob headed for the stage, grabbed the psychotic squirrel, and left.

"How many fangirls do I have?" Riku asked. "And where are the ones from before?"

"I don't know," Koko said.

"Well, um… that's all the time we have for now!" Erica said.

"Wait, can you two make me a promise?" Riku asked, referring to Bridget and Erica.

"Maybe. What is it?" Bridget asked.

"No more squirrels."

"That's a promise we can't make, Riku," Erica said.

"Well, how about no more squirrels from internet cartoons?"

"Deal."

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Well, that's my chapter for the day. Sorry it took so long! I had homework… and then I got a headache… and then there was more homework, so it's finally done! A little inappropriate, but that's why it's rated T. And remember to vote for your favorite pairing (**Yuffie X Leon **or **Yuffie X Logan**) and your favorite spiked hair (**Sora, Cloud, Axel, or Roxas**). Remember to review!


	10. Killer Sideburns

Erica here. So this is my chapter, I should be working on my Algebra project, but the computer beckons. Tonight I will be inviting a special friend, so be nice to him. I have changed his name, for his sake, but every thing else about him is mostly real, mostly. Also I have gone back to serious work, so it might not be as crazy at this point, but I will try harder in chapter twelve.

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**Erica:** Bridget is late because she is trying to find were the Riku fangirls stashed Sora, don't worry they'll both be back later. Anyway today we will be presenting the **Most Annoying Hair** award (which is different from **Best Spiky Hair**), and I have the best guest to help present this award with me. It is a topic he knows very much about.

**Justin: **-flips hair so it covers one of his eyes- your Damn right I'm an expert on annoying hair…wait, you were insulting me weren't you?

**Erica:** Yes, Justin I was.

**Justin:** I should just leave like all your other friends.

**Erica:** I have taken special precautions to make sure that doesn't happen.

**Justin:** Fine, I won't leave, but are the chains really necessary?

**Erica: **No, they are there for dramatic affect; it's the shock collar that will prevent you from leaving.

**Justin: **You give me too much credit –tries to run away-

**Erica: -**pushes button-

**Justin: **_BUZZZZZZ!_

**Erica: **On with the show!

**Bridget:** That looks fun, let me try! –pushes button-

**Justin: **_BUZZZZZZZ!_

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"Ok, now that Bridget is back we can start presenting the awards," Erica announced, "So Bridget, where did you find Sora?"

"Oh, shit, I was supposed to be looking for Sora?" she asked worriedly.

"Well, that's okay, I'm sure he won't die if we stop looking for him for at least one chapter," Justin said.

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Millions of miles away Sora floats hopelessly in the Baltimore aquarium shark tank.

"Someone help, I think they're getting hungry!" he yelled.

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"I'll just have Logan start looking for him," Bridget said worriedly.

"That might be best," Erica added.

"Okay, so today the award is **Most Annoying Hair**, and the nominees are:"

"**Axel!"**

"**Roxas!!"**

"**Xaldin!!!"**

"**Demyx!!!!"**

"**And Pence!!!!!"**

"Now I think that Pence should go first because I know several people with that hair style. While it might be annoying it is also common. Pence leave the stage now!" Justin said.

"Be nice!" Bridget reminded him by sending several hundred volts of electricity through him.

"Now also, I think Demyx should leave next because I like how _versatile_ it is. You can were it Vanilla Ice style as seen in the game, or you can put it in a pony tail, or just wear it down in your face, like Justin," Erica announced.

"Like me," Justin added, "Ow, what was that for, I was being nice!"

"Sorry, it's addicting," Bridget said.

"I'll be taking the button back now," Erica said, prying it from Bridget's hands.

"Next we are going to eliminate Roxas, but we advise he not sleep by a fan any more," Justin said, "and that was helpful criticism, don't shock me!"

"I would never do that unless you try to run away again," Erica said soothingly.

"Now, we would like to say that both the remaining contestants have equally annoying hair, it's just so damn hard to decide," Bridget said.

"I think Axel should win, he could poke someone's eye out with his hair. That must be why it's red, from all the blood of his victims," Erica stated.

"Well, I think Xaldin should go, I mean, Matt Dillon is to forehead as Xaldin is to sideburns," Justin said.

"Hey, I think Matt Dillon is an amazing actor," Erica retorted.

"Well, I think we will give the award to Xaldin, because Axel can't have two hair related awards and the way it's going he'll probably win the **Most Spikiest Hair** award (please change this and vote for Cloud!), so I will now present Xaldin with the **Most Annoying Hair** award!" Bridget announced.

"Okay, well, it's been fun, but I have to get home. I'll see you next summer though," Justin said as he peeled of the shock collar and walked out the stage door.

"Not again," Erica moaned into her hands.

"On the bright side he lasted longer then all the other friends did," Bridget assured her.

"Is any one else wondering why he didn't just take the shock collar off in the first place?" Logan asked, suddenly appearing with a strangely wet, shaking Sora.

"You have to get over it," Sora said, placing his hand on Erica's shoulder.

"Besides we have something that we think will make you feel better," Riku said coming on stage, followed by Leon, Demyx, and Axel.

"Yeah, we made it just for you," Demyx chimed in, handing Erica a trophy made of cardboard and glitter glue.

"We would like to present you, Erica, with the **Lost More Imaginary 'Friends' Than Anyone Else in This Fanfiction** award," Leon said handing her the homemade trophy

"Yay! This is so unexpected!" Erica said taking the trophy.

"Well, that's all folks! Join us all for more homemade awards and Kingdom Hearts bashing," Bridget cheered.

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So I finally got my award!!! I would also like to add that Justin is real, but he did also move far away. Also, I'm still trying to persuade my other friends to allow me to put them in the Fanfiction, so far no luck, so there will probably be no special guest during Chapter Twelve. Well I'm off to write a civics report, and an algebra project, damn slope intercept. It's up to Bridget to post the next chapter, but I'll see you when I get Chapter Twelve up!


	11. Planning a Party aka Christmas Pt 1

It's Bridget again! Here's Chapter 11, but before I start, I have a few announcements to make. First of all, we still need you guys to vote! (**Best Spiky Hair: **Axel, Sora, Roxas, or Cloud? **Cutest Couple: **Logan and Yuffie or Leon and Yuffie? VOTE!!!) Next, we're going to do a couple holiday-themed chapters. (Erica's writing one or two more regular chapters, and then she'll join in too.) And lastly, I'm resuming my more serious fanfictions, so expect to see a couple of those in the near future. So, without further ado: Chapter 11.

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**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. AT ALL. EVER.

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**Bridget: **Guess what those people we borrowed the building from for the awards did?

**Erica: **What'd they do, Bridget?

**Bridget: **They evicted us! They said we were taking too long to give out the awards or some bullshit like that.

**Erica: **How do we present the awards now?

**Bridget: **We're relocating to The World That Never Was, to the Organization XIII castle.

**Erica: **Xemnas won't like that.

**Bridget: **So? He can't do anything about it, because…

**Erica: **WE'RE THE AUTHORESSES!!!

**Bridget: **Exactly. Now, let's start the show!

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_Wake up, Roxas, the Matrix has you._

Roxas groaned and rolled over in his bed.

"Come on, Roxas," Erica said, poking the still sleeping person.

"I don't care if I'm being held hostage by rabid fangirls, I'm going back to bed!" he yelled.

"Fine. But if the Matrix really did have you…" she started.

"IF THE MATRIX DOESN'T HAVE ME, THEN WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM AT 8 O CLOCK IN THE MORNING TRYING TO WAKE ME UP!?"

"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System. Please stay turned to Channel 13 for more details," Erica grinned.

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When Roxas finally came downstairs to the Hall of Empty Melodies, Logan, Erica, Bridget, and most of the other characters were gathered around a large table.

Erica shoved an award into his chest without looking up from her clipboard.

"**The Best Matrix Impersonation**," he read aloud.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"We're planning a party!" Logan exclaimed.

"Okay," Erica said, looking at the clipboard. "We've got:"

"**Christmas Presents!"**

"**Christmas Contests!"**

"**Christmas Awards!"**

"**Tree Decorating!"**

"**Cookie Baking!"**

"**Spin the Bottle!"**

"Wait," Axel interrupted, "who plays Spin the Bottle at a Christmas Party?"

"We do. So shut up," Bridget answered.

"Ahem," Erica cleared her throat conspicuously.

"**Present Wrapping!"**

"**Snowball Fights!"**

"Okay… how do we get all that stuff?" Sora asked.

"We could rent you out to aquariums and make them pay 100 munny per shark tank," Logan suggested.

"Or we could rent you out to gay parties and charge 200 munny per you-know-what," Sora shot back.

"Or we could sell both your bodies to science to pay for the party," Bridget added.

"You have to be dead to do that," Erica reminded her.

"That can be arranged."

"The Christmas Special isn't going to rhyme, is it?" Riku asked.

"Maybe," Bridget said.

"We should do a Christmas Pageant!" Naminé exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Kairi agreed, "With shiny ribbons, and sparkly dresses, and…"

She was silenced by two dark glares from Erica and Bridget.

"We could watch Christmas movies," Logan offered.

"That sounds fun. Just as long as we don't watch A Christmas Story."

"Can we watch Harry Potter?" Erica asked.

"What does Harry Potter have to do with Christmas?" Axel asked.

"It's not a Christmas without Tom Felton," Erica answered.

"Um… right. Well, that's all for this chapter!"

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Did you know it took me a week to write that chapter? Not that it was great or anything, but I was so busy… Sorry it took so long! Anyway, sorry if it was a little dull, I was setting the mood for the chapters to come... I'd better turn this over to Erica before she kidnaps any more celebrities. See you in Chapter 13!


	12. The Mall of Doom aka Christmas Pt 2

Bridget here. Erica's kinda busy, so I'm taking the next couple chapters for Christmas. WE STILL NEED YOU GUYS TO VOTE! (**Best Spiky Hair**: Axel, Sora, Roxas, or Cloud? **Cutest Couple**: Logan and Yuffie or Leon and Yuffie? VOTE!!!) And uh… that's all.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**

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**Erica: **We're running out of ways to start the show…

**Bridget: **So I brought Zexion!

**Zexion: **What is wrong with you?

**Bridget: **I have consumed a large amount of sugar in that past… 30 seconds.

**Erica: **Zexion, what is the true meaning of Christmas?

**Zexion: **"Pretend to be nice to people you can't stand all year."

**Emme: **Spoken like a true emo kid.

**Justin: **Yeah.

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Bridget was happily humming to herself while hanging Christmas decorations on the metal balcony in the Hall of Empty Melodies.

"Bridget!" Erica called, rushing over.

"What?"

"It's the eve of the eve of Christmas Eve, and we don't have any presents for anyone!" she exclaimed hysterically.

"What now?"

Erica gave an exasperated sigh. "We need to go Christmas shopping."

Justin came through with a large box of Christmas ornaments that blocked his sight and ran into the ladder Bridget was standing on. Bridget held on the balcony for dear life and the ladder fell out from underneath her.

"This is just great," she said sarcastically.

"Jump!" Erica shouted.

"Are you crazy?"

"Yes, but what's that got to do with this?"

"Get the giant penguin!" Bridget cried.

"Oh. That works too."

So Pengy, being a giant 50 foot penguin, was able to help Bridget down, and nobody got hurt, even though Bridget looked about ready to kill Justin.

"Uh… ready to go shopping?" Justin asked.

"Sure. Let me get Emme, Logan, Sora, and Riku."

"Why?" Erica asked.

"Emme because she can help us, Logan because I don't think we should leave him alone, Riku because he has a drivers license, and Sora because he can carry boxes and bags," Bridget replied calmly.

So the six set out to the mall, where they almost got flattened in the parking lot, and barely avoided being attacked by mobs of last minute Christmas shoppers.

"Hey, is there anything familiar about that Santa?" Emme asked.

"There is, but I can't put my finger on it," Erica agreed.

"Hey, Logan, wanna go see Santa?" Justin asked.

"How old do you think I am?" Logan retorted.

"Well, we have to buy your present, so you can't stay with us."

Logan shrugged and went to see Santa anyway.

"And what would you like for Christmas, _little boy_?" asked "Santa" in a girly voice.

"Um… guys? Help!" Logan yelled.

"OMG! It's Sephiroth!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Time for an intervention," Erica agreed.

"Leave it to us," said Emme, pulling Sora along with her.

Bridget dragged her brother off Santa's lap, and allowed Emme and Sora to intervene.

"Where's my pony!? The only thing I have ever asked for is a pony, and it's been ten fucking years! I WANT A PONY!!!!" Emme shouted at the top of her voice, stamping her foot, and throwing a tantrum.

This left "Santa" quite shaken, and he replied in the same voice, "Well, Santa's been a little busy granting _little boys _their Christmas wishes."

"I DON'T CARE! I WANT A PONY!" she said loudly, and stomped off the platform.

"He's all yours," she said to Sora.

Ten Hours Later

"And I want a pet chicken, and an aglet (the little piece of plastic on the end of a shoelace), and a plastic lemon, and a muffin loaf, and…"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Sephiroth shouted, pulling off the Santa disguise and leaving.

"We saved Christmas!" Bridget shouted.

"Hey!" the mall manager shouted at them, "You didn't save anything! You made Santa quit!"

"Yeah, but he was trying to… never mind," Erica said.

We started for the mall exit, and Justin, who was laden with packages, accidentally ran into the ladder of a guy who was putting decorations on the mall ceiling, who topped and fell into the large fountain in the center of the mall, swearing loudly.

"GET OUT!" shouted the manager, and they didn't need to be told twice.

"Well, at least we got all the shopping done," Riku said.

"Yeah. And I didn't get molested by Sephiroth," Logan added.

"And we got kicked out of the local mall. All in all, not a bad way to end a chapter," Justin replied.

"But the chapter's not over yet," Bridget said.

They headed back to the former Organization XIII headquarters to find it in a state of total mayhem.

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Cliffie! Anyway, review (no flames!) and don't forget to vote!!! Happy Holidays!


	13. Holiday Madness aka Christmas Pt 3

This is Erica. Ok, well, this is going to be short, 'cause I don't have much time, and South Park comes on in an hour, so here goes. Also Justin would like to add he is not clumsy enough to walk into a ladder twice (he is however stupid enough to staple his hand twice).

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"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!!!" Bridget yelled at her decoration committee.

"My guess is total chaos," Erica suggested.

"No, my party, this isn't right," Bridget said.

"We can fix this," Logan added. "Let's split up, and tackle the different problems together."

"Ok, Shaggy and I will go this way, and Fred and Velma can search the rest of the mansion," Erica joked. She was met with blank stares showing that obviously no one got joke.

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"Listen, Zexion, I appreciate your opinions, I really do, but I don't think those decorations are very holiday-ish," Bridget pleaded.

"I think they rock, and I'm not taking them down," Zexion stated flatly.

"Yes, I understand that, but I really don't think sculls and singing skeleton… is that a singing skeleton?"

"Yes, it sings the emo kid song."

"Well, it just doesn't scream Christmas to me. Maybe you should take it down and I'll let you decorate for Halloween."

"Oh, it screams. Just not Christmas," Zexion said, lovingly stroking his decoration.

"Listen, Zexion, I have a thing against singing skeletons that I can't explain, so if you could please take it down that would be great," Bridget said, fighting to keep her cool.

"No, it stays, this is my home, your just renting the space," Zexion said.

"LISTEN YOU LITTLE EMO FAGGOT!!! I SAID TAKE DOWN THE FUCKING DECORATIONS!!! NOW YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS: ONE, YOU CAN BE NICE AND TAKE THESE DOWN AND PUT UP THE HOLIDAY DECORATIONS I GAVE YOU, OR TWO, YOU CAN BE VIOLENTLY THROWN OFF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING CASTLE. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!?!"

"Yes, skeletons bad, snowmen good. I got it," Zexion said.

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"Axel, I think it's great that you're participating, but Bridget…" Erica trailed off.

"Tell Bridget I don't like the ice sculptures, so I will melt them all," Axel said, burning the head off of a Santa.

"Yes, but it's Christmas," Erica pleaded.

"Well, I don't celebrate Christmas," Axel said flatly.

"We have Hanukah decorations too, and Ramadan, and Kwanza, just pick your holiday. That doesn't mean you have to melt the ice sculptures," Erica told him.

"Well I didn't like the way Santa was starring at me. So I melted him."

"Ok, but did you have to melt the ice rink?"

"I didn't hurt any one, so what's the problem?"

"Sora was ice skating at the time, and now he's having shark tank flash back. I think you hurt him," Bridget said firmly.

"Well, I already melted them, so what do you want me to do?" Axel asked.

"I want you to find Vexen and get him to fix this before Bridget throws you off the top of the tower, can you do that?"

"But Vexen is mad at me for lighting him on fire last Christmas."

"Then you need to kiss some serious ass, but this needs to be fixed, and I mean now," Erica said, hurrying off to tackle the next set of problems.

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"Demyx, you're getting punch all over the floor," Logan complained.

"So, I have no more water to turn into clones."

"Then do you really need clones?" Logan asked.

"Yes, no one here likes me, these clones are my friends," Demyx pointed out as one of his clones walked by humming "My Band" by D12.

"Ok, well, I don't have time for this, and I think I see Sephiroth (and South Park comes on in about 30 minutes) so here's what you can and will do. If you want friends Erica will hang with you, but she might be busy since Justin showed up, so here's a secret. Axel melted the entire skating rink, so you can go make clones out of that. Good?" Logan asked.

"We have a skating rink?" Demyx asked.

"Yes, now clean this punch up before Bridget finds out you're making clones from the skating rink. Oh, and tell that clone to get off the Christmas tree."

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"Listen Luxord, I have no problem with you breaking into the eggnog early, but Erica and Bridget do, so I'm afraid you'll have to stop," Justin told Luxord.

"Who are you to tell me what to do, you insignificant little brat," Luxord announced.

"I'll tell you who I am, no better yet I'll show you," Justin said, putting fake tears in his eyes. "Erica!!! He won't listen to me, and he called me a brat, and he made me cry!!!!!!"

"You're in high school and crying over this?" Erica asked as she appeared holding a hair dryer.

"That's not the point," Justin wailed.

"Fine. LUXORD, IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO JUSTIN RIGHT NOW YOU'LL BE LIVING ON THE STREETS AND OUT OF THIS STORY. NOW PUT DOWN THE EGGNOG AND APOLIGIZE TO JUSTIN!" Erica yelled.

"I'm sorry, Justin," Luxord said.

"Good," Erica said bounding off to bury the hair dryer.

"And that's who I am, so suck it," Justin said his face smiling, all tears gone.

"You little…" Luxord said.

"Don't start or I'll bring her back," Justin threatened "and I'll take that eggnog, to start the party a bit early."

"You wait, I'll get you back."

Justin merely shrugged as he took a sip from the eggnog bottle and hurried away from Luxord. It wasn't that he was scared of Luxord, except that he was.

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"Larxene, flip the switch, I think someone blew a fuse," Erica said stumbling up the stairs in the dark to find the one responsible for the power outage.

"What happened, my hair dryer shut off," Marluxia called from his room.

Erica had found her culprit.

"Marluxia, there is so much going on right now that I don't think drying your hair is the best idea. I mean the candles are electronic as are many other decorations. There is just too much power being used for you to dry your hair," Erica told him.

"But if I don't blow dry it perfectly then the dye won't set right and my hair will turn pink," Marluxia whined.

"I'm truly sorry, really I am, and we can fix that later. I'm taking Justin to the beauty salon tomorrow and I'll take you to get the dye fixed, but right now we need all the power we can get, ok?"

"Not ok, as soon as you leave I'm starting the hair dryer again."

"Then I just won't leave, yes, I'll stay in your room until you agree to not start the hair dryer again" Erica told him.

"Fine by me" Marluxia pouted, "'cause I'm never going to agree."

"Oh, did I mention I'd be singing?"

"What?" Marluxia asked.

"HITCHED A RIDE, I WAS SO MESSED UP, BUT I SURE WAS GLAD TO MEET YOU. YOU TOOK MY HEART LIKE THEY TOWED MY CAR AND THEIR BOTH STILL BROKEN DOWN. WELL IT LOOKED PRETTY GOOD ON PAPER, BUT I COME TO FIND OUT LATER THAT YOU'RE INSANE," Erica sang, totally off key.

"No, please stop. No more singing!" Marluxia yelled with his hands over his ears.

"TURN ME OFF, IVE HAD ENOUGH, I'M BETTER OFF WITH OUT ANY ONE. I WAS WRONG; MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY, AWAY. YOU CAME TO STAY CAUSE THEY WERE PAINTING YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR STILL HERE SIX MONTHES LATER. YOU SPENT MY MONEY ON WHO KNOWS WHAT, BUT IT SURE DID COST A LOT," Erica continued.

"Erica!!! He won't listen to me, and he called me a brat, and he made me cry!!!!!!" Justin cried from somewhere down stairs.

"Ok, well I have to go now and make my boyfriend stop crying, but I'm taking the hair dryer!" Erica said snatching the hair dryer and marching off down stairs.

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Ok, well that's my chapter, Bridget will probably do the next two, but I will be back eventually. Oh, and the song I was torturing Marluxia with was "Sad Sad Situation" by Bowling For Soup. Ok, well now South Park is on, so I really must go. Also, Bridget I think there should be an award in the next chapter. Bye!


	14. Holiday Cheer aka Christmas Pt 4

Bridget again! We're on a roll! There's no stopping us now... Anyway, the voting is now closed, since it's pretty obvious who's going to win by now. And a very merry ChrismaHanuKwanzica to you! Here's Chapter 14:

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own KH, and I don't own the Grinch either. And I own none of the songs in this chapter!**

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"String up the lights and light up the tree. We're gonna make some revelry. Spirits are high, so I can tell- It's Christmas time in Hell!" Emme sang loudly.

"Yeah, no kidding," Erica agreed.

Bridget came in, panting and out of breath.

"We have an emergency. Well… several emergencies. Vexen froze the punch clones instead of the ice sculptures, Sora is unconscious on the bottom of the ice rink, but it guess it's now a swimming pool, and…" Bridget said frantically.

"Bridget, calm down!" Erica shouted.

"Now, which of these do you think is the most important right now?" Emme asked.

"I'M COMING, SORA!" Bridget yelled and went off in the direction of the ice rink.

"Glad she's got her priorities sorted out," Emme said sarcastically.

"Those poor punch clones," Erica sighed, shaking her head.

Bridget came back about 15 minutes later with a very wet but otherwise unharmed Sora.

"What'd I miss?"

"Uh… nothing. That was fast," Logan said.

"Well, then I think we should get everybody together for a little competition," Erica suggested.

"Okay," Justin said.

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Everyone was gathered in the Hall of Empty Melodies waiting to start the competition. Bridget came in, late as usual, wiping her mouth off on the back of her hand.

"What's with all the fucking mistletoe? I had to kiss _Pence_," Bridget said disgustedly.

"Sephiroth put it up everywhere. He keeps trying to catch Logan underneath it," Erica explained.

"Dude, that is messed up," Emme said,

"Yeah. And Logan paid Cloud to be his bodyguard too," Justin added.

"Anyway, we are gathered here today, to…" Bridget began.

"It's a Christmas competition, not a wedding," Erica said.

"Axel, light the flame!" Emme shouted impatiently.

Axel shrugged and set fire to a make shift torch.

"Okay, to make it short and sweet, you are competing for the title of **Holiday Cheermister**, which is a not-so-cleverly-disguised award borrowed from the Grinch movie," Justin explained.

"Shut up, it was all I could think of," Bridget said hastily.

"The winner will be determined by three trials of Christmas character," Erica said.

**-Challenger #1: Christmas Caroling-**

"It's Christmas time again. It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year. I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer. You people scare me. Please stay away from my home. If you don't wanna get beat down. Just leave the presents and then leave me alone," Zexion sang.

"Hey! That's what I was gonna sing!" Justin pouted.

Bridget, Erica, and Emme abruptly burst out in fits of coughing, although Zexion could have sworn her heard the word "emo".

"Next!"

"Deck the halls with gasoline. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Light a match and watch it clean. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Watch your house burn down to ashes. Fa la la, la la la, la la la. Aren't you glad you played with matches? Fa la la la la, la la la la," Axel sand cheerfully.

"Pyro," Emme said accusingly.

"And damn proud of it," Axel boasted.

"Next!"

"This year for Christmas, There's something I'd really like. So if you're up there somewhere Santa, Please don't bring me another bike. I don't need any ugly sweaters. And I don't play much basketball. But there's something kinda special, That I want most of all... I want an alien for Christmas. Bring me an alien this year. I want a little green guy, about three feet high with seventeen eyes, who knows how to fly. I want an alien for Christmas this year," Sora rang out loudly and off key.

"Um… right," Erica said.

"And our last singer is Demyx," Bridget added.

"What a bright time, it's the right time, to rock the night away. Jingle bell time is a swell time, to go gliding in a one-horse sleigh. Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet. Jingle around the clock. Mix and a-mingle in the jingling feet. That's the jingle bell rock!" Demyx sang, strumming on his guitar-thing.

"He wins," Justin stated.

**-Challenge #2: Tree Decorating-**

"Okay, for this event, you will need partners," Justin announced, moving closer to Erica, who looked about ready to go tackle Riku.

Bridget partnered up with Emme, and Logan ran screaming away from Sephiroth towards Axel.

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"We are now ready to judge the trees!" Bridget shouted.

"Axel and Logan, we are sorry but lighting the tree on fire does not count as decorating, since the once magnificent evergreen has been reduced to a pile of ash smaller than any of the presents," Emme said.

"And Emme and Bridget are disqualified for using the penguin to put ornaments near the top of the tree," Erica commented.

"What? I'm not using any ladders while he's around!" Bridget said, pointing at Justin.

"So, I guess that means Erica and Justin are the winners!" Logan yelled.

**-Challenge #3: Present Wrapping-**

"Another event that requires partners!" Emme said happily.

Bridget and Logan reluctantly paired up (if only to prevent bad things from happening to Logan), Emme teamed up with Yuffie, and Erica went with Demyx.

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"Uh… Bridget, you were supposed to wrap the box, not your brother," Sora said.

"So? He got on my nerves, so I wrapped him up to keep him quiet," Bridget explained.

"How come your box isn't wrapped, Emme?" Justin asked.

"Oh, we were supposed to wrap it?" she asked, surprised.

"I thought we were supposed to jump out of it and yell 'BOO!'," Yuffie said.

"That means Demyx and Erica win," Riku said.

"And that means that Demyx gets the award!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Yay!" Demyx said happily, running up to claim his award.

"If only my punch clones were here to see this…"

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Um… that's all for now, I'll post another chapter tomorrow, on Christmas Eve! Review, don't flame, and have a happy holiday! **SONGS: "Christmas Time in Hell" from South Park, "I Won't Be Home For Christmas" by Blink 182, "Deck the Halls" Parody, "I Want an Alien for Christmas" by Fountains of Wayne, and "Jingle Bell Rock".**


	15. The Boy Who Hated Christmas

Alright, Bridget again, and as soon as I finish this chapter, it's Erica's turn again. (You guys are probably sick of me now, right:) ) But before I start, the reason this chapter is so late was because me and Logan went on a trip and we're just now getting back. Now, here's Chapter 15:

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"Riku, can you hand me that strand of lights?" asked Bridget, who was once again hanging decorations from the balcony. Fortunately for her, Erica was keeping Justin occupied in the kitchen, preparing Christmas dinner.

Riku muttered something in audible under his breath, but passed the string of lights to Bridget anyway.

"Thanks."

Sora, on the other hand, was shaking every box underneath the Christmas tree to figure out what was inside.

"Why do you keep doing that, Sora? Most of those presents aren't even yours," Riku said, annoyed.

"Cheer up, Riku," Sora shot back, "Why is it that you're more emo than Zexion during the Christmas season?"

"It's because somebody didn't love him when he was little," Bridget offered sarcastically.

"No, it's because I don't believe in Santa," Riku replied.

Sora put his fingers in his ears and ran around the room screaming, "LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Bridget shouted, "Take that back or Santa's not going to bring you any presents!"

Riku shrugged. "I haven't believed in Santa since I was like seven. You wanna know why?"

Bridget and Sora nodded silently.

"When I was little I asked Santa for a toy fire truck. Guess what? I never got a toy fire truck. Therefore Santa does not exist."

"Maybe you were just really bad," Sora suggested.

"Yeah, and maybe Santa Claus is a ho, ho, hoax!" Riku said, leaning against the ladder Bridget was standing on.

"AH!"

"Bridget!"

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Come on, Justin, you can do this," Erica urged.

"No, I can't!" Justin said.

"All you have to do is dial one damn phone number and voila! We have pizza for Christmas dinner!"

"Okay, but which one? I mean there's Pizza Hut, Papa John's, Dominoes, and…" Justin whined.

"Just order Between Two Claires. It's under new management, and it's completely sanitary. And the best part is, no squirrels are harmed in the making of this pizza!" Erica said.

Justin punched in the number, only to be met with squeaking on the other end.

"Go on, place the order," Erica insisted.

"There's squeaking on the other end!" Justin said.

"I know. The squirrels take the orders now. Give me that!" Erica snatched the phone out of his hand.

"Yes, I would like 50 extra large cheese pizzas delivered to this address," Erica said into the phone.

"Thanks. Buh-bye."

"Was it really that easy?" Justin asked.

"Duh."

--------------------------------------------------------------

"What happened to your arm, Bridget?" Erica asked, as soon as everyone was enjoying the delicious, but non-traditional meal of pizza in the Hall of Empty Melodies.

"Riku pushed me off a ladder," she answered, sporting her new, neon-orange cast.

"That guy has Christmas issues," Erica said sympathetically.

Everybody enjoyed the pizza, and soon people started going off to bed. That was when Riku made his move.

He snuck out of bed, down to the tree and he stole all the presents. He put them in his sack, and continued throughout the castle, removing any trace of Christmas.

Riku took all the eggnog, he took down all the decorations that people had slaved over (and broken arms over) for the last few days. He stole the tree, and even the giant penguin that we've all come to know and love.

When at last Riku had taken everything, he somehow managed to get it all on the roof. Just as Riku was about to dump it, something happened, meaning he was run down by Santa and his sleigh.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, where's Riku?" Erica asked as everyone slowly made their way downstairs.

The Hall of Empty Melodies was bare, and well, (pardon the pun) empty. There were no decorations, no brightly wrapped packages, and not even a crumb remained in the fridge.

All of a sudden, a bright light filled the room as Santa pulled up with everything Riku had stolen in his sleigh.

"Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas!" he boomed as he replaced the presents, the decorations, and yes, even the eggnog.

"Uh… Erica," said Sora, examining a large, snarling present, "This one's for you."

Erica immediately began to tear the paper off the enormous box.

"Cool, it's a rubber duck! Oh, and Riku's in here too," she exclaimed.

Santa left, explaining that he had to get home to Mrs. Clause.

"Why did that fat red guy put me in a box?" Riku asked angrily.

"I told him I wanted you for Christmas," replied Erica, blushing. Riku grinned, and he also turned a bright red.

"Alright!" Bridget yelled. "It's the Oblivion Keyblade!"

"What!?" Sora asked.

"Uh… I can explain," Kairi said. "I sold it on Ebay to buy _your _present."

She held out a box the same size as Bridget's, which Sora opened hastily.

"Ultima Weapon!"

"And I got you something too," Sora said, handing Kairi yet another box exactly the same as his.

"Yay! It's… that really girly Keyblade that Riku gave me for Christmas last year," Kairi said.

"Oh well, it's the thought that counts," she said, giving him a hug.

"I'll try to be better, come Christmas next year," Riku apologized.

"Hey, look! Snow!" Logan shouted, throwing himself at the window.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

There's my chapter for today. It's not much, but I had to finish before 2007, right? Review, no flames, and Happy Holidays!


	16. Babysitting Takes an Interesting Turn

(Erica) I'm sooooooo sorry, that I haven't written in so long. Lots of things have been going on, and I also kind of forgot it was my turn to write a chapter. Anyway I'm writing now, so that I don't hold Bridget up anymore. Oh, and Bridget, I would appreciate it if you didn't put Justin in anymore of the chapters, thank you.

-------------------------

**Erica**: Ok, I know that our first chapter back from an unofficial hiatus should be all about Kingdom Hearts, but I'm being forced to baby sit and write this at the same time, and in order to get Jack to shut up, I'm putting him and his sisters in the story.

**Bridget**: Are we going to have to baby sit little kids?

**Erica**: Maybe

**Bridget**: -stares angrily-

**Erica**: They are really cool little kids! Kind of…

------------------------

"Okay, I thought instead of watching all of them together it would be easier to split up and watch them each separately," Erica explained while introducing three kids.

"Why should we watch them separately?" Logan asked.

"Because there wouldn't be much of a chapter if we didn't. Now, I thought since Logan is the only boy, he can watch Jack, the only boy. Now I am warning you Logan, Jack thinks he's a different super hero every hour," Erica explained.

"And who is he now?" Logan asked.

"I'm The Flash!" Jack yelled as he went racing up the stairs and out of sight.

"I suggest you catch him because if anything happens to these kids you're both dead meat!" Erica said pushing Logan in the right direction.

"This could end badly," Bridget said.

"How so?" Erica asked.

"Well, we're trusting a kid that is three times as young as Logan and twice as smart in my little brother's care," Bridget explained.

"Oh well! Now since I know how you don't like demanding children, I'm letting you baby-sit Leah, since she can walk, and she can only say a couple of words. And I'll take baby Eva because we all know how demanding babies can be," Erica explained as Bridget walked off to the swimming pool, in hopes of teaching Leah to swim, and finding Sora.

"Yes, babies can be so demanding," Erica said sarcastically.

"You're just a bunch of smiles, this should be a piece of cake," she cooed at baby Eva curled up in her arms.

-----------------

"COME BACK HERE!" Logan yelled as he chased Jack up the stairs. Unfortunately as Jack rounded another corner, Logan ran face first into Axel, causing Axel to drop his sandwich.

"Hey! That was my lunch!" Axel complained.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have time for this, I have to catch that little pest," Logan said as he ran after Jack.

"Oh, you'll pay for this," Axel vowed.

-------------

"Why –THUD- won't -THUD- you –THUD- stop -THUD- crying?" Erica yelled, banging her head against the wall with every word.

"I fed and burped you, you took a nap, and I changed you diaper! What is it now?" she whined as Eva screamed her head off in Erica's arms and tried to bite Erica's shoulder. She didn't have teeth yet, but she loved biting people.

"Need some help?" Riku asked coming up from behind her.

"How can you possibly make it stop crying!?" Erica asked desperately.

"_Her_, Erica, it's a girl," Riku corrected.

"I'm not so sure."

"Hey, kid," Riku said taking the baby from Erica's arms, "you ever been to Disney world?"

"Difip?" Eva asked.

------------------

"You have to help me!" Bridget said pinning Marluxia against the wall.

"Ok, calm down, you ruining my cloak, what do you need?" Marluxia asked as he pried Bridget's fingers free from his cloak.

"I broke the baby, Erica is going to kill me!" Bridget whined

"How did you break the baby?" Marluxia asked.

"She ran into a wall while we were playing tag, and now she can only say one word!"

"MINE," Leah screamed as she came around the corner dragging the objects she had collected from the other Organization members. Her new collection included Demyx's black organization cloak, Vexen's shield, and Roxas' pink tutu (we all have our secrets).

"Don't worry, we can fix this," Marluxia assured Bridget.

"You better, or I'm going to make you as miserable as Erica will make me," Bridget promised.

----------------

"Come down here!" Logan yelled shaking the tree Jack had climbed.

"I'm Spider Man! I can climb walls," Jack announced.

"Very good, but that's a tree, come down here and I'll find you a nice wall to climb," Logan pleaded.

"Spider Man can fly!" Jack said preparing to jump.

"No, no, no! He can't fly, he can climb. Please don't jump out of that tree!"

"Need some help?" Axel asked.

"Oh, thank you!" Logan said hugging Axel.

"No problem," Leon said joining Axel.

Logan gulped, knowing this was not good.

------------

"Give the little kid a fucking hug!" Riku yelled at Donald while Eva chewed on Goofy's finger.

"I think Donald scares her," Erica said.

"That's okay, we have plenty more Disney characters here for her to hug," Riku said. He had managed to round up all the Disney characters in one room and was now forcing them against their will to hug baby Eva, who had now stopped crying.

"How about Princess Jasmine, she loves princesses," Erica suggested.

"Okay! Will the cast of Aladdin please come to the front of the room," Riku yelled into his microphone.

"Nope," Erica said catching Goofy as he tried to slip away, "she likes chewing on your finger, and if it keeps her from crying you are staying right here."

------------------

Everyone had met back up in the grand hall with the little kids to return them to Erica so she could take them home. There was not a sad face in the room.

"See, baby-sitting wasn't that hard," Erica said as Riku cradled Eva in his arms.

"Speak for yourself," Riku muttered.

"Hey, where did Eva get the Mickey Mouse hat? I thought you could only buy those in Disneyland." Bridget said.

"We didn't buy this one, " Riku said vaguely.

---------

In the far off distance Mickey Mouse wakes up and gets out of bed. He makes his way across his room, on his way to the kitchen for some breakfast, but on his way he catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Where are my ears?" he screamed.

------------

"Anyway," Marluxia said, "baby-sitting is the most fun I've had since we pushed Larxene off a cliff."

"Did you put makeup on a two-year-old?" Erica asked.

"No… that's her natural color," Bridget cut in.

"Yes, because all babies have green eyelids," Erica said.

"Apparently you have never read _Wicked_," Bridget said.

"And Logan, how did it go taking care of… Jack, where's Logan?" Erica asked.

"Oh, he's a little tied up right now, but don't worry he'll be back soon," Leon said, hoisting Jack up onto his shoulders.

"But don't worry, we had a fun time playing with Jack," Axel said, tickling the little boy.

----------------

"MmmmMm MemeM Mmmmmmmmmmmmm," Logan cried from the tree in which he had been tied to with duct tape. On his chest Leon and Axel had made a sign that read 'I steal people's girlfriends and ruin their lunches.'

"Mems mep mememmm," Logan pleaded as Demyx walked by.

"Well, look who it is!" Demyx said smiling, "my punch clones and I have been looking for you."

"Uh Oh," Logan mumbled

------------

Okay, well that's my chapter. I've been writing serious stuff for so long lately that this chapter probably isn't the best, but hey it's Bridget's turn and she'll do a lot better. Also if any of you are **_Twilight_** fans, I have a new account where I'm posting my serious stuff, but so far I only have one story. Anyway my account is:

redbone135


	17. Wicked!

Ok, so this is Erica again. I just finished reading _Wicked_ so I feel like doing a Wizard of Oz themed episode, just for fun. Also I'm giving the **Best Parenting** awards out to Axel, Riku, and Marluxia, for their help in Chapter Sixteen. Even though all of them would make terrible parents because Riku would probably poke the child with a stick (remember the year when Sora had to wear an eye patch), Axel would probably light the kid on fire, and Marluxia would probably eat the baby (because we all know that demons eat their young).

-------

**Erica**: First, I thought Bridget would be Dorothy, since her only wish is to go home, and I also want to cast Cloud as the tin man.

**Cloud**: Is this some sort of joke, because I don't think it's funny.

**Erica**: Of course you don't because you don't have a heart!

**Sora**: Why am I covered in straw?

**Bridget**: Because she made you the scarecrow.

**Sora**: Why am I the scarecrow?

**Erica**: Umm…well…because scarecrows hang out with birds, and birds fly, and I know how much you want to fly.

**Sora**: awesome –pretends to fly-

**Demyx**: Why am I dressed like a monkey?

**Erica**: No, you're a lion, monkeys don't have manes.

**Demyx**: Then who's the monkey?

-Leon and Riku appear dressed in blue monkey suits-

**Riku**: This is so not cool.

**Sora**: Hey Riku, I'll trade with you. I want to be the flying monkey!

**Riku**: I guess I could be the scarecrow…

**Erica**: NO! NO TRADING, NOW EVERYBODY, TAKE YOUR PLACES!

---------------

"Our story begins in the far off Land of Oz, when the evil witch, Kairi, had a house dropped on her head by a young girl from Kansas, named Bridget," the narrator began.

"I'm not from Kansas!" Bridget protested.

"The witch is dead, and you killed her! You're our hero," the nobodies said, bowing at Bridget's feet.

"Now, I could get used to this," Bridget said.

"Quick, you must leave The World That Never Was before the Wicked Witch of the East Coast arrives!" Naminé said, appearing in a glass bubble.

"I am your hero! Bow down to me!" Bridget yelled.

"No, there is no time. You must leave, but before you do take these shoes that came from a dead woman's feet. They will protect you! Oh and also you can't take them off until you die!" Naminé warned her.

"But where do I go? I only want to go home!" Bridget said.

"You must go to Hollow Bastion and seek a council with the Wizard," Naminé said disappearing.

"But who is the wizard? And how do I get to Hollow Bastion?" Bridget asked, but Naminé was already gone.

"You follow the yellow brick road," The nobodies began to sing.

"No! Your hero commands you not to sing!" Bridget said.

"Can we dance?" asked one nobody.

"Yes, you may dance," Bridget said, heading down the yellow brick road.

"All was hopeful for young Bridget as she headed down the yellow brick road. She might even get to go home! But then she came across a fork in the road…" the narrator continued.

"Who are you?" a frightened Bridget asked.

"I'm the narrator, I'm telling your story," said the narrator.

"Go away!" Bridget told the narrator.

"Fine, but you won't be getting any more help from me!" the narrator said, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

_Thank goodness, finally some peace and quiet_, thought Bridget.

"Are you lost?" asked a nearby scarecrow.

"ARGH! Does everything in this world talk?"

"Yes, but if you help me down I can show you the way to Hollow Bastion. I myself wanted to ask the Wizard for a wish. You see I've always wanted to fly…"

"SORA!" Erica yelled from the distance.

"Fine, I wish I had a brain, and I thought maybe the wizard could give me one," the Sora said.

So of course Bridget helped Sora down from his place up on the pole, and as they began their journey to Hollow Bastion together they were unaware of the Wicked Witch of the East Coat watching them from behind a tree.

"Those are the most ridiculous shoes I have ever seen, and I must have them!" said the witch, otherwise known as Erica.

Later down the road, Bridget began to feel hungry, so Sora stopped in an apple orchard and he was so stupid that the trees began to throw apples at him. While searching the ground for fallen apple to eat, Bridget came across a silver man wearing half a dress.

"Sora! Look I found a silver person. What do you think we should do?" Bridget asked.

"Maybe we could eat him!" Soar said.

"No, I think we should take him to the Wizard as well, he seems so lonely…" Bridget said.

"Yes…I have always wanted a heart," Cloud said in a robotic monotone that was very fitting to his character.

"Aw, liven up Cloud, it's fun," Sora told him.

So after another long singing and dancing part of the trip, our three friends found themselves in a forest after dark where for some reason of all the things they could fear, they wear scared of lions, tigers, and bears. So they sang a song about it, and ironically ran into a lion.

"Ow, you didn't have to literally run into me," Demyx complained, "and isn't there supposed to be some sort of dog I'm scarred of?"

In a puff of green smoke Logan appeared by Bridget's side, wearing a bright red ribbon in his hair.

"No way! I am not being her dog!" Logan complained.

"You're my bitch," Bridget laughed.

So, after they all talked and danced some more, it was decided that they would all go to the Wizard to have their wishes granted, so they all skipped through a poppy field to get to the emerald city.

"I must get those shoes!" cried Erica from her broomstick (a Nimbus 2001) in the sky, so she cast a spell upon the poppy field to make them all fall asleep. Well, Cloud, not being a real person didn't fall asleep, and he took that as a chance to escape from the story, but Erica brought him back and forced him to go along with the script.

So, after they were all awake they went skipping though the field toward the Emerald city, where upon arrival they were all given makeovers that made them look exactly the same as they did before, except for Logan, who now had a blue ribbon in his hair.

When they all met with the Wizard they told him of their wishes and he agreed to grant them on one condition…

"So you see, last Christmas she took the hair dryer away, and if you can kill her and bring the hair dryer back I will grant you your wishes," Marluxia said.

"Do we have to kill her, what if we just bring the hair dryer back?" Bridget asked.

"Yes, I suppose that would be fine too," Marluxia said.

"In that case can we just run to CVS and buy a new hair dryer for you," Demyx asked.

"No, it must be the one that evil witch took away! Now be gone with you all!" Marluxia screamed.

So our five friends headed off to the Wicked Witch of the East Coast's evil lair, somewhere near Malfoy Manor. But Erica wanted those damn sparkly shoes so she sent her two pet flying Monkeys, Leon and Riku, after the girl and her dog to bring the shoes to her. Once the Bridget and Logan were inside the castle, Erica threatened to hurt Bridget's dog if Bridget didn't give her the shoes, but Bridget claimed she didn't care, so Erica locked her in the tower instead.

"Please, I'll trade you the shoes for a hair dryer if you let me out of here," Bridget pleaded.

So the witch opened the door Bridget had been leaning on and Bridget tumbled out and her elbow hit the play button on the radio. As luck would have it the radio station was playing _So Yesterday _by Hillary Duff.

"AH! It burns!" screamed Erica, "I'm melting!"

So after the witch had finished writhing in pain and melted Bridget took the hair dryer back and delivered it straight to the Wizard of Oz, who granted their wishes. For Cloud, who wanted a heart, he was given a clock. Sora, who claimed to want brains, was given a piece of paper with words on it, but he was still too stupid to read the words. For Demyx, who wanted courage, he was given a small medal that because he was a lion and didn't wear clothes he couldn't pin on. But for Bridget and Logan, who wanted to go home, their wish was granted and they flew up into the sky to return to Kansas.

"We're not from Kansas!" Bridget and Logan yelled.

"Hey, how come they get to fly?" Sora asked.

And thus ends our wonderful story, with our hero and her dog returning home and the evil witch being melted. Also I guess since this is an award show I would like to give the **Best Flying Monkey Award** to Riku.

-------------

"Where are we?" asked Bridget.

"I think we're in Kansas," Logan said.

"That damn Wizard!" Bridget said.

--------------------

Well, that's my chapter, now it's Bridget's turn to write one. I must admit I did have a little too much fun with that chapter. Anyway, now I'm off to sing songs from Wicked and bitch about boys to all my friends that are by now very tired of listening to me.


	18. Don't Feed the Fangirls!

Bridget. Okay, first of all I would like to formally apologize for not writing a chapter since January. I've been kinda busy, and very recently sick, so that's my excuse, take it or leave it. Now that that's out of the way: Chapter 18.

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Bridget: **Where's Marluxia?

**Erica: **Nice to see you too.

**Bridget: **I want revenge! We had to walk all the way from effing Kansas! (No offense to anyone who lives in Kansas, I lived there once...) And our special guests are almost here!

**Erica: **What special guests?

**Bridget: **Oh, you know, the special ones.

**Erica: **I don't like where this is going…

**Bridget: **Yes, you will.

**Erica: **Whatever you say…

**XxXxXxXxX**

"Um… where are we?" asked Suze.

"I have no clue," answered Aimee.

"That's _very _reassuring," said Jamie.

"You're on the set of Kingdom Hearts Awards!" said Erica, jumping out from behind a column.

"Wait… what?" Aimee asked.

"Oh, hey," Bridget greeted. "Took you guys long enough."

"We got lost," Suze explained.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to fly a Gummi Ship with these two constantly asking 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'?" Jamie exclaimed.

"No! It's you!" Emme shouted.

"No dip," Jamie responded, sticking out her tongue.

"Well, this is very… awkward," Erica said. To Bridget, she whispered, "How many of your friends are fangirls?"

Bridget shrugged. "Suze isn't a fangirl, Aimee's a Roxas fangirl… and I don't think Jamie is a fangirl, but she does like Riku at least a little…"

Erica rushed off to defend Riku. Bridget stopped and though for a minute, counting off her friends on her fingers. _Wait, how am I the only one of my friends that is a Sora fangirl?_

"Uh… have fun looking around and stuff," Bridget said, quickly leaving the hall.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jamie peacefully juggled a soccer ball around in the Hall of Empty Melodies. "91, 92, 93…" she counted.

"Boo!" Emme shouted.

Surprised, Jamie let the ball drop. "Man."

A staring contest ensued. And by staring contest, I mean glaring contest.

Emme broke the silence. "Long ago, just like the hearse you die to get in again, we are so far from you! Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate the lives of everyone you knew. And what's the worst to take-"

"Stop! It burns!" Jamie shouted.

Emme ignored this and continued singing. "From every heart you break? And like a blade you stain. Will I be holding her tonight? What's the worst thing I can say, things are better if I stay. So long, and good night…"

She stopped abruptly, noticing that Jamie was twitching on the floor.

"My work here is done!" she said, skipping out of the door.

A soccer ball hit the back of her head.

"That's it…"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suze walked through a long hallway, and for some strange reason, she was singing Galinda's (or Glinda's, which ever you prefer) part of "What Is This Feeling?" from the Wicked Broadway… Musical-Thing.

"What is this feeling, so sudden and new?"

Suze was blissfully unaware that there was another person in the hallway, who was just as obsessed with Wicked as she was. (And for those of you who read the last chapter, obviously it's Erica.)

"Felt the moment I laid eyes on you," Erica replied.

"My pulse is rushing," Suze sang.

"My head is reeling," Erica shot back.

"My face is flushing," Suze returned.

They hit the part where both Galinda and Elphaba sing perfectly, their voices echoing in the hallway.

**"What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame. Oh, does it have a name? Yes: LOATHING! Unadulterated loathing…"**

(At this point, Bridget got tired of typing out the lyrics, so she decided to skip to the end of the song.)

Erica and Suze high-fived. And they heard clapping.

Both turned around to face Riku.

"Hello," Suze said cheerfully.

Erica grinned evilly. "Now that you know about our secret musical… you have to be a part of it," she said.

"Wait, do I at least get to sing a _guy _part?" Riku asked.

Suze and Erica considered this for a moment.

"Yes, you do," Erica said.

Riku relaxed.

"Don't get too comfortable. You're singing "Dancing Through Life"," Erica added.

"Oh joy," Riku replied.

Several Minutes Later

"Dancing through life. Skimming the surface. Gliding where turf is smooth.

Life is painless for the brainless, why think too hard?" Riku sang.

"Dancing through life. Swaying and sweeping. And always keeping cool. Life is fraught-less when you're thoughtless. Those who don't try never look foolish," he continued.

"You are not the next American Idol," Suze said.

"I thought he was good," Erica offered.

"Erica, you were listening to your iPod."

"Oh."

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Bridget was running around frantically, looking in every available room and shaking down every person in her path.

"Um… Bridget?" Logan asked.

"WHAT!?"

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I lost Aimee!" she answered quickly, throwing the pillows off a white couch.

"…This is very bad," agreed Logan.

"Hey, there she is!" Bridget shouted, making her way over to her hyper friend.

"OMG! Is that Roxas?" she screamed.

_Shit. _Bridget tackled Aimee into the next room. "Um… video games?"

"Sure," Aimee replied.

"Well, we were at Hollow Bastion last time we played, right?" Bridget asked.

"I think so," said Aimee.

A muffled, "OMG! Is that Roxas?" came from outside the door. Bridget quickly turned around to make sure her friend was still in the room. She was.

Aimee was moving the controller animatedly, hitting everything in sight, occasionally trying to attack Donald and Goofy before realizing they weren't Heartless.

"I'll be right back," said Bridget, sliding from her seat.

"'Kay," Aimee answered.

Once outside, Bridget found the fangirl. And pried her off Roxas.

"Lexi?" Bridget asked.

"Hi!" Lexi replied.

"What are you doing here?"

"Having fun." She grinned.

"That's… good."

Roxas slunk quietly away from the two girls, hoping to gain some ground before anyone noticed he was gone. No such luck.

Aimee came out of the room, bored.

"Run," Bridget suggested.

Roxas ran, and Bridget quickly pushed her friends in the other direction.

"Aw…" they groaned in unison.

"I've got a better idea," Bridget said.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This is not gonna work," Erica said.

"Yes it will. I think Kingdom Idol will be fun," Bridget said.

"Fine. Well, first up is… Jamie," Erica announced.

"Hey now, you're an all star. Get your game on, go play. Hey now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold. Only shooting stars break the mold. It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ. Judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get bored!"

"Um… now Emme," Bridget called.

"When I woke up tonight, I said I'm gonna make somebody love me. I'm gonna make somebody love me. And now I know, now I know, now I know, I know that it's you. You're lucky, lucky, you're so lucky! Well do ya, do ya, do ya wanna? Well do ya, do ya, do ya wanna, wanna go where I never let you before?"

"Well he's a friend and we're so proud of ya. Your famous friend, well I knew him before ya. Oh yeah."

"Thank you, The World That Never Was! Goodnight!" Emme shouted, jumping off stage.

"And now… Sora?" Logan asked.

"Nope. Last time he sang I had nightmares about it for a week," Erica said.

"Last time Sora sang…" Bridget started. "When did Sora sing?"

"I don't think she was paying much attention to his singing," Logan said.

"Well, then how about _you _go next?" Bridget suggested.

"Gladly," Logan said, taking the mike.

"They see me mowin' my front lawn. I know they're all thinking I'm so white and nerdy. Think I'm just too white and nerdy. Think I'm just too white and nerdy. Can't you see I'm white and nerdy? Look at me I'm white and nerdy! I wanna roll with the gangsters. But so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy. Think I'm just too white and nerdy. Think I'm just too white and nerdy. I'm just too white and nerdy. Really, really white and nerdy."

"Me next!" Kairi yelled.

"…Whatever," Bridget said, throwing the microphone over her shoulder, "accidentally" hitting Kairi in the head.

"Yeah, yeah. You're scared… you'll fall. Sometimes it seems impossible. But your hopes…and dreams are closer than they seem. Why not?

Give yourself a chance. Nothing's gonna hold you back. Everything you want is right there waiting. What 'cha wanna do? Gotta have some faith in you.

Don't you know that you can have it all?" Kairi screeched.

"Is there a dying animal in here?" asked Axel, who Bridget and Erica had asked to be Simon.

"I'll go if you go," Bridget said to Erica.

"You first."

"I see her body move in deadly positions. Her fingers graze my neck for the last time. Her lungs are spilling out. What's keeping me alive? What's keeping her alive? Let's see, let's cut off all her long blond hair. Listen sweetie, you never meant that much to me. Hope your eyes can see what you did to me. You'll always be my enemy," Bridget sang.

"Um… time for a duet?" Axel suggested.

"Yay!" Erica shouted.

"She had eyes like crazy diamonds. And you ran with feet of clay. They rolled the windows tight as they would go. It was a smoggy day. She looked up and asked me if I ever had a lover that I did not betray. And I turned on the radio and I looked the other way. She said you're smart, but in a stupid way," Riku started.

"And this is the price that you pay. For being smart in a stupid way. You stand there staring while you lover walks away. Being smart, in a stupid way," Erica and Riku sang together.

"Aimee!"

"'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling. And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. Need you by my side. 'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static. And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat so? I can't let you go. Want you in my life."

"Lexi!"

"Hear the sound of the falling rain. Coming down like an Armageddon flame. The shame, the ones who died without a name. Hear the dogs howling out of key. To a hymn called Faith and Misery. And bleed, the company lost the war today. I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. On holiday!"

"Suze!"

"Your subtleties strangle me. I can't explain myself at all. And all that wants, and all that needs, all I don't want to need at all. The walls start breathing. My mind's unweaving. Maybe it's best you leave me alone. A weight is lifted on this evening.

I give the final blow. When darkness turns to light. It ends tonight. It ends tonight."

Several More Minutes Later

"Okay… the winner is…" said Demyx, reading it off a card, as usual.

"We're all winners!" Bridget shouted.

"True, everybody's a winner except Kairi," Demyx agreed.

Kairi pouted.

"Well, the winners are Erica and Riku!"

"Yay! More awards!" Erica said happily.

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Riku:** You are pure evil.

**Bridget: **I know.

**Riku:** Why must you make me sing?

**Bridget: **You broke my arm. Now we're even.

**Erica: **Um… Marluxia kind of… fled the country.

**Bridget: **Why?

**Erica: **(shrugs) Fear of your terrible wrath?

**Bridget: **(evilly) Excellent.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay. Well, there's my chapter. I'm sorry if it's not very good, and if it's mostly lyrics, but I have been suffering from massive writer's block lately. Later!

Songs Sung:

"Helena" by My Chemical Romance

"What Is This Feeling?" from Wicked

"Dancing Through Life" from Wicked

"All Star" by Smash Mouth

"Do You Want To?" by Franz Ferdinand

"White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic

"Try" by Hayden Panettiere

"Hey Italy" by Halifax

"Smart in a Stupid Way" by Steven Strait and Ashlee Simpson

"Everytime We Touch" by Cascada

"Holiday" by Green Day

"It Ends Tonight" by The All-American Rejects


	19. Kingdom Hearts Olympics

Ok, well Bridget finally wrote a chapter, I think she deserves a round of applause. Anyway I'm being forced to write a chapter, and I have no idea what I will be writing about so here goes!

-----

"I'm not even going to ask what you're doing," Logan said as he entered the Hall of Empty Melodies to find his sister hanging upside down holding Demyx's sitar and what appeared to be many complex electrical wires.

"It's best you not know of my plans," she whispered.

"Right… I was just looking for Erica, Leon said he had some sort of message about an idea for this chapter, I'm supposed to give it to her right away before this chapter goes any further with pointless randomness."

"Well, last time I saw her she was throwing snowballs at a snowman wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt…so now she's probably drinking hot chocolate to warm her hands, and talking to Riku. She's always talking to Riku, I miss when she did things besides talk to Riku and make us wear weird Wizard of Oz costumes," Bridget sighed.

"At least we're not all wearing Harry Potter costumes, if I was Toto in her last chapter, I shiver at the thought of what Harry Potter character I would be," Logan said as he began to head out of the hall.

There was a loud pop, and suddenly Logan was wearing a Harry Potter costume. He turned around to see Bridget dressed as Ginny, and began to laugh. She handed him a mirror and his smile faded.

"Am I always going to be dressed as an animal?" he asked leaving the room dressed as Scabbers, the pet rat.

After ditching the rat costume, he found his way to the kitchen where Erica and Riku were talking, or Erica was talking while Riku wondered what color socks he was wearing today.

"And then he said he wanted his jacket back! Can you believe it! It was such a feminine jacket it looked horrible on him. Maybe he was gay! Alice said she thought he was gay! That would explain a lot! He was always hanging around that weird goth boy! Do you think he sounds gay?" Erica asked

'_I think they were blue…no; white goes better with my outfit. Wait, why has she paused, does she want me to talk? What was the question? It was something about a guy, but which one, was he fictional!? Oh shit! Now she's going to know I wasn't paying attention!' _thought Riku.

"Are you bitching about Justin again?" Logan asked

"Yes, why. Do you want to listen? Do you think he was gay?"

"Oh, Justin, yes, he was gay!" Riku said as he stood up and left the room.

"No, I really don't feel like listening to any of that. I have a message form Leon, apparently this note is going to save this fanfiction chapter, but after being dressed in a rat costume I doubt it," Logan said, following Riku out of the room.

"Yes! This is perfect!" Erica said smiling at the note and leaving the room as well.

---------

"Ok, I have gathered you here today to…" Erica began.

"It's an award show, not a wedding," Axel reminded her.

"Ok, well since I just had a long conversation with my cousin 'Robert' (he wishes to remain anonymous) about what defines a sport we will be holding the Kingdom Hearts Olympics today, and since it was Leon's wonderful idea he will not be forced to participate!"

"But it's just the Kingdom Hearts characters…right? Bridget and I don't have to participate," Logan asked.

"Nope, it wouldn't be fun if you were left out, now today's contestants will be:"

"**Sephiroth!"**

"**Logan!!"**

"**Bridget!!!"**

"**Naminé!!!!"**

"**Marluxia!!!!!"**

"**Demyx!!!!!!"**

"**Axel!!!!!!!"**

"**And Erica!!!!!!!!"**

"Wait, who the hell put my name on this list," Erica asked.

"It just wouldn't be fun without you," Bridget said smiling as she put her notebook away.

"Fine, I'll compete, but I won't like it," Erica pouted.

"Um, I hate to say this but I think that Sephiroth competing is a violation of the restraining order, and Marluxia still isn't back from the last chapter where he fled the country," Logan pointed out.

"Fine, then we are down to six contestants, lets begin!" Erica cheered.

-------

"The first competition will be a simple foot race with one new rule…" Leon began.

"We have to hop?" Axel guesses.

"We have to juggle something?" Demyx asked.

"We have to recite our alphabet while standing on one foot?" Erica guessed.

"No, that's only if your drunk," Bridget told her.

"Well, those were all good guesses, but the new rule goes as follows," Leon read from the cards he had been given, "anything goes."

"Wait, does that mean tripping is allowed?" Naminé asked.

"Anything goes," Erica said taking her place at the starting line.

There was a loud whistle and the six contestants were off. As they ran a fire wall bust up in front of them, and only Axel could pass, luckily Demyx extinguished it and they were one their way again. Somewhere down the track Naminé and Logan ran into each other causing both of them to fall on top of each other. There was some debate over if Logan had done this on purpose but it was soon dismissed and the contestants were running again. Bridget reached the finish line long before the others, giving her one win for the final tally.

"Ok, now that we have all finished the race I feel it is time to eliminate someone, so Naminé you are dismissed," Leon said.

"Wait, I haven't crossed the finish line," Erica said, panting as she jogged at negative three miles per hour (I know this mean she is going backwards, we can assume this means she ran it in reverse.)

"Right, well like I was saying Naminé is eliminated," Leon said.

"But I finished last," Erica protested.

"Yes, but you are too amusing to eliminate, you have to stay in the race for comic relief," Leon explained.

"I hate you," Erica mumbled.

"Ok, our next competition is a game of football, again, anything goes," Leon said handing them a football.

After several brutal hours Axel emerged from the field carrying a football as his trophy. The football game had not in fact been an actual football game, but a fight over who could get the ball to Leon first. Leon soon realized that this was just as amusing, and did not stop the action. Soon after the dust cleared, Leon had the contestants line up for elimination.

First was Logan who wore an eye patch, and Leon felt the need to point out he looked like Xigbar now. Then came Bridget and Demyx, who were not as badly injured as Logan, but still out of breath and angry with Axel. Finally there was Axel, holding his proud football with a big grin on his face, the rest of him covered in bruises from flying fists and elbows.

"Where is Erica?" Leon asked.

"She was sent to the hospital for internal bleeding, she won't be allowed to play in any more games," Logan informed him.

"Ok, then we shall have one final battle -- I mean sporting competition. You will have a scavenger hunt. You must each bring me back everything on this list and the one who comes back with the most items in the proper time limit will be announced the winner," Leon said handing them their lists.

When the contestants finally returned Leon looked over their objects. Logan had brought back some dry cleaning, a soda, and some Gunblade polish. Bridget had a box of donuts, fifty dollars, and a McDonalds Happy Meal. Demyx had a newspaper, a playboy magazine and Yuffie. Axel had a note that read 'I'm not that gullible.'

"Thank you, I will announce Bridget the winner and take these objects to…um…keep them safe," Leon said.

"Hey! We just did your shopping!" Logan yelled.

"Yes, thank you very much," Leon said walking away.

"I can't believe he just had us do that!" Demyx said, outraged.

"Who cares I got another award!" Bridget said.

--------

"I mean can you believe it, he said I was just jealous of Rachel. Why would I be jealous of her? I mean she can have his gay ass. Honestly, I ended the relationship, so why should I want him back? Sometimes I just don't get what he could possibly be thinking when he says stuff, can you?" Erica asked from the hospital bed.

'_I think I like blue teddy bears better then pink rabbits. Rabbits are so gay. Oh no, why did she stop talking again? What was I supposed to say?' Riku thought._

"Yep, I can't believe he did that?" Riku guessed.

"Did what?" Erica asked.

_Damn it!_

_-----------_

And that is the end of my chapter, hope you all enjoyed it. Bridget is next I guess since we should be trying to get back into the every other chapter thing. Also I would like to claim that both Bridget and I think Axel is the real winner, for not getting suckered into Leon's trap. See you in Chapter 21!


	20. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Bridget again. I'm on a roll! Two chapters in one weekend! I don't think I've written that much since when this fanfiction first got started! Okay, anyway, I'll just start the chapter before I go crazy or something.

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Kairi: **Hey, has anyone seen my- What's this?

**Naminé: **What's what?

**Kairi: **Naminé! Get over here! You have to see this!

**Naminé: **See what?

**Kairi: **It seems that Bridget and Erica have left their notebooks out in the open… unprotected…

**Naminé: **Or they probably asked Logan to watch them and he got hungry and left. What's your point?

**Kairi: **_We _get to be in charge.

**Naminé: **This should be good.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey… where's Erica?" Riku asked.

Kairi jabbed Naminé with her elbow. "Ow! Uh… Save the Whales luncheon!"

"Damn! I wanted to help save the whales! We could have gone together!" Riku said.

"And where'd Bridget go?" Sora asked.

"Well… she… went to a protest against school uniforms!" Kairi said quickly.

"I could have gone to protest against the gay blue plaid pants and ties we have to wear…" Sora said.

Pence walked up to the group. "Do you even go to school?"

"Of course I do! Why would you think that…" Sora trailed off.

"Because it sounded like you didn't know what homework was last summer."

"Yeah, well-" Sora began.

"Can we please get on with the chapter?" Kairi asked.

"Yes. The point is that Erica and Bridget are gone, and they left us in charge," Naminé said.

Riku pulled Sora down a hallway. "I don't like this. Bridget and Erica would never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never NEVER-"

"Okay, Riku, I get it!" Sora yelled.

"-leave Naminé and Kairi in charge," Riku continued, ignoring Sora.

"Yeah, but-"

"They're probably floating in the fish tank in the Baltimore Aquarium, plotting their revenge at this very second-" Riku said.

"Yeah. Revenge. Sounds like them," Sora agreed.

"And I don't trust Naminé and Kairi," Riku finished.

"I do."

Riku sighed. "Sora, you simple, naïve, boy…"

"Hey!"

"You _have _to trust Kairi, she's your girlfriend," Riku stated.

"Girlfriend? When did that happen?"

Riku started to explain, but was unfortunately cut off by a loud bang coming from a broom closet. Now, there aren't many haunted broom closets in The World That Never Was, so naturally Sora and Riku went to investigate.

Upon opening the door, Riku and Sora discovered that the cause of the loud bang was in fact Bridget throwing her entire body weight against the closet door. The narrator would like to point out that this is not at all easy to do when you are bound and gagged in a broom closet.

Erica, on the other hand, was duct taped to the ceiling, and the narrator would like to ask that you not ask how she got there. An authoress never reveals her secrets, and as always, it is best an authoress does not know of her own plans.

At this point, the narrator would like to-

"Get on with the story!" Riku finished.

You shouldn't interrupt. As the narrator was saying, the narrator would like to take this opportunity to point out that she does not know how Erica got down from the ceiling, so we will skip to the point at which Bridget and Erica were unrestrained.

"Sora would like to point out that the narrator should not refer to herself in the third person, it makes her sound mentally deranged," Sora said.

"How did you guys get here?" Riku asked.

"Kairi and Naminé, of course," Erica answered.

"Well, how did Kairi and Naminé get you tied up?" he questioned.

"Is this an interrogation?" Erica asked.

Bridget snorted. "Those two do 'manual labor'? No! They have the notebooks, they simply wrote us into this closet."

"I see…" Sora said.

"And we think we have come up with a suitable revenge," Erica explained.

Emme ran down the hallway, panting. "You guys are not going to believe this."

"Believe what?" Erica asked.

Emme started to talk, but said nothing. Five minutes later, Pence came down the hall, wheezing and puffing on his inhaler.

"You guys aren't going to believe what happened," Pence said.

"So we've heard," Bridget said sarcastically.

"Is one of you going to tell us what happened?" Riku asked.

"No. I heard from Pence, who heard from Logan, that-" Emily paused as if she couldn't quite remember what she had heard.

"Naminé made you forget it, didn't she?" Sora asked.

"That's right! DAMN THAT F**X**CKING BITCH!" Emme replied.

"Let's just hope Logan didn't forget," said Pence.

"I didn't," Logan said, coming down the hallway, licking sea-salt ice-cream peacefully.

"Well, what did they do already?" Erica asked.

"They are planning to forcefully wed Leon and Yuffie just so they can be the flower girls!"

**(INSERT DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE)**

"What's with the dramatic music? That was very anti-climactic!" Bridget exclaimed.

Sora shrugged. "It sets the mood for whatever we're supposed to do next."

Axel approached the group. "In this case, the correct thing to do would be to crash the wedding."

"Yay!" Erica yelled. "I've always wanted to crash a wedding!"

"I think the important thing here would be saving Yuffie from Leon," Logan said.

"Nu-uh. We're saving Leon from Yuffie!" Bridget disagreed.

Sora had to step between the two to prevent a violent disaster from happening.

"I always wondered what it would be like to have siblings…" Axel said.

"Me too," Erica agreed.

"The point is, we're saving them from each other!" Riku interrupted.

"Right! Off to the wedding!" Pence said.

"Not quite. My car only has room for 6 people," Axel stated.

So after several minutes of Bridget and Erica picking people back and forth (which really wasn't necessary, considering they only needed to eliminate one person), it was decided that Pence would stay behind.

"How did that happen?" Erica asked. "I would have picked Pence before Sora!"

Sora stuck his tongue out.

"Very mature," Emme said sarcastically.

**XxXxXxXxX**

So our heroes finally arrived at the wedding. Sora and Logan positioned themselves in once of the empty pews. Erica somehow managed to get up on the chandelier without anybody noticing. Axel stood in the back of the room and lit flower petals on fire. Bridget sat in a corner and played "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! at the Disco on her iPod.

Riku and Emme, on the other hand, had gone to the reception hall, where instead of doing what they were supposed to be doing, they were enjoying the free food. Emme was taking advantage of this by "sampling" the cake. Riku was drinking champagne straight from the bottle.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, where almost serious things were taking place, Kairi and Naminé followed Yuffie down the aisle wearing cotton candy pink dresses. Yuffie herself wore a lime green dress. It is for this reason that the wedding has since been dubbed "The Watermelon Wedding".

"Okay, contestants," the minister began, "today's event is…"

"It's a wedding, not an award show," Leon said glumly.

"Axel!" Erica hissed down at the pyro. "Burn that end of the rope, so I can swing in on the chandelier!"

Axel shrugged and proceeded to light the rope on fire. Erica swung in on the large light fixture, excited to finally have her dramatic entrance. Or at least she was, until she landed several yards in front of the altar and unable to move.

"Hey!"

Kairi held up Bridget's purple notebook.

Bridget, in the meantime, had disguised herself as the wedding singer in an effort to stop the wedding. But this too, failed, because Bridget cannot walk in high heels, and she tripped, falling next to Erica and also not able to get up.

"We're doomed," Erica said.

Riku and Emme by now had realized that something had gone horribly wrong and rushed out of the reception hall. They reached the church just in time to see the exchange of vows.

"There's something awfully familiar about that minister," Logan whispered to Sora.

"Is there anyone here who has a reason why these two should not be wed? Speak now or forever hold your peace!" he rambled.

Sora, Logan, Riku, Emme, and Axel all stood up. Bridget and Erica attempted to stand up but could not, so they just raised their hands.

"Because Leon deserves better!" Erica shouted.

"Because Yuffie deserves better!" Emme yelled.

"Because lime green and pink don't match!" Bridget added.

"Because there' s no more – (hiccup) – champagne for the reception!" Riku called.

"Because it's not legal to marry two people against their will!" Axel said.

"Because I said so!" Sora screamed.

"Because Sephiroth being the priest is a violation of my restraining order," Logan said softly.

"Oh."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And the **Most Unlikely Hero Award** goes to… Logan!" Emme shouted.

Bridget and Erica protested. They thought that Axel should win the award because of his last scene in KH2.

"I die?" Axel asked.

"Have you not played the game?" Erica asked.

"I played long enough to realize that Square Enix obviously thinks I'm gay," Axel said.

"Okay, whatever. Give Logan the award!" Bridget called.

"Yay!" Logan shouted.

**XxXxXxXxX**

I think that may have been my most random chapter ever. Well, thanks for reading, and please review! No flames! Erica has the next chapter, so see you in Chapter 22!


	21. What's Wrong with Erica?

Ok, it's Erica again. You will all have to be quiet, because I'm writing this in Algebra class while my teacher claims to be "teaching." Anyway, here is my chapter:

--------

"I'm just saying we all obviously don't like Bridget and Erica," Marluxia began the secret meeting.

"I like Erica," Demyx protested.

"Yeah, and Bridget's pretty cool, Erica not so much," Axel said.

"Ok, let me rephrase. We all obviously don't like Bridget and Erica as leaders; I think we should overthrow them."

"I don't know, we all have seen what the two of them can do, and you add Logan into the mix and they're pretty unstoppable," Larxene pointed out.

"Yes, but remember when Bridget brought all her crazy friends into the show and then they attacked Roxas. Or the time when Bridget told Zexion that he couldn't hang skulls in the hallway. Or even the time when Logan made Demyx get rid of his only friends. Then there was the time when Erica convinced Roxas he was trapped in The Matrix; he was having nightmares for weeks. And then there was the time when Erica told everyone that Axel was gay for Roxas. What about the time Erica insulted Xaldin's hair - should I go on?"

"Well, actually I don't mind Bridget that much," Zexion said.

"Yeah, and at least they got rid of that Justin kid. I can handle just three of them," Luxord said.

"And Erica… Wait, did you say _only _friends?" Demyx asked.

"No, of course we're your friends. Anyway, Marly, I don't feel like rebelling, they could get really mad if we did," Larxene said.

"Come on guys, it's not like we haven't rebelled against the superiors before," Marluxia pleaded.

"Yes, and how did that work out for you, Marluxia?" Axel said smugly leaning against the wall.

"You guys aren't going to believe this, something horrible has happened," Riku panted as he ran into the meeting room.

"What is it? Larxene asked.

"Come quickly," Riku said running out of the room again.

----------

"You have…to see this. It's…horrible," Logan panted as he ran into Bridget's room to find her messing with Demyx's sitar, some tweezers, and some electrical wires.

"What is your problem?!" Bridget asked as she stuffed the objects under the bed.

"It's the worst thing…that could have…happened!"

"What, Sora is back in the shark tank?"

"No…worse. It's…Erica," Logan said pulling Bridget down the stairs.

--------

The Organization and Bridget arrived at the Hall of Empty Melodies at the same time. Riku and Logan had already seen the scene before them, so they were the only two in the hall who were not surprised. They found Erica hanging pink paper chains along the walls that she had already decorated with purple tissue paper. The floor was littered with what appeared to be freshly picked daffodils, and Erica herself was wearing a bright rainbow colored sundress.

"What the hell happened here?" Axel asked as a canary landed on Demyx's shoulder and Zexion fainted.

Erica turned to face them with a cheerful smile painted across her face. "Apparently having myself sent to the hospital for internal bleeding and then having myself get melted in another chapter is seen as 'self destructive', so I've decided to change my bitter pessimistic ways!"

"What did you do with the real Erica!?" Bridget demanded.

"It's me, I'm just cheerful now!" Erica replied.

"How much Prozac did you eat?" Axel asked.

"None, silly," Erica said laughing.

"Did she just use the word 'silly'?" Logan asked Zexion who was just starting to wake up.

"Well, what are you all staring at, let's get the competitions started. The first one is cupcake decorating," Erica announced as Zexion fainted for the second time.

"Decorating? We don't even get to bake them?" Vexen asked.

"No, the stove has fire, and fire is dangerous therefore fire is bad!" Erica said.

"Come on guys, let's decorate some cupcakes!" Demyx cheered running over to the decorating table.

"Fire is…Bad?" Axel stammered.

"See, rebelling seems like a good idea now, doesn't it?" Marluxia asked as he and Axel dragged Zexion over to the decorating table.

After several minutes of sprinkle throwing and frosting eating, Erica decided to judge the cupcakes.

"Ok," Erica said as she made her way around the table, humming 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow', "Zexion, that was a creative use of the red food coloring to make it look like the cupcake is bleeding. Demyx, I love the little pink flowers, that's an extra five points for you! Now Bridget, Logan where are your cupcakes?"

"What cupcakes?" Bridget asked as Logan attempted to wipe frosting from around his mouth.

"And finally we get to Riku. I'm sorry but smashing your cupcake in Sora's face does not count as decorating. You lose three points for violence. So that makes Demyx the winner of the cupcake award!" Erica cheered, "Now the next award is a flower picking competition!"

"Um, Erica, I don't think Zexion is breathing," Riku said.

"Now that's not good. Riku, can you please take him to the hospital while the rest of us see who can pick daisies the best!"

--------

Many hours later the contestants stood in a field full of daisies with baskets full of flowers.

"Very good job, Demyx, I think I'm going to give this award to you as well," Erica said cheerfully wearing a crown of daisies.

"Ok, very good, Demyx wins the little girl award, now can we stop with these annoying competitions?" Axel asked

"No, silly! We still have to race hamsters, that is, after we stash these flowers somewhere so they can be reused later!" Erica cheered.

"What can you possibly use Daisies for?" Xigbar asked.

"I have an idea," Axel mumbled.

---------

"So, who wants to go back to the castle and have a soda chugging competition?" Bridget asked.

"Can we light things on fire?" Axel asked.

"Sure, but soda first," Bridget said smiling.

"Last one there is a decaying hippopotamus!" Logan said as he ran through the fields the others chasing behind him.

"Wait, guys don't leave me here!" Erica yelled from underneath a pile of many daisies, "Guys, I can't get out on my own, please help! I promise no more butterflies and rainbows! Please, someone help me!"

----------

Ok, so that was my chapter. I think I should go now because my algebra teacher is looking at me funny. Anyway I admit that that might have been a bit spiteful to the person who claimed I should be more cheerful. I can live with that though.


	22. Crime and Punishment

Bridget again! My head hurts, I had to do math all day. ALL DAY! Well, for an hour. I did nothing the rest of the day. Anyway, I'll just post the chapter now…

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Erica: **I don't like this… Where are we going? Why am I wearing a blindfold?

**Bridget: **Shh, no more questions. And it's Riku's blindfold.

**Erica: **Where's Riku?

**Riku: **Right here. And Logan, Zexion, and Sora are here too.

**Erica: **Why does Sora always come?

**Bridget: **Never leave home without him.

**Erica: **But where are we _going_?

**Bridget: **We're getting you help. The last chapter was quite frightening, so we're going to the only place that is not one bit cheerful and there are no bright, happy colors.

**Erica: **And that would be…?

**Zexion: **Hot Topic, of course.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, today we will be punishing people for both conspiring to overthrow and actually overthrowing us," Bridget said from the highest chair in that circular room with all the chairs.

"That's my chair!" Xemnas yelled.

"Get over it!" Bridget called back.

Xemnas grumbled; he happened to be seated on a bean bag chair on the floor.

Erica, on the other hand, was seated in the lowest chair, because she doesn't like heights. Roxas felt he should say something about this, but didn't, in case Bridget decided it was time for her friends to visit again. Anything but the fangirls.

"The first defendants are… Kairi and Naminé," Erica announced.

Kairi and Naminé reluctantly stepped forward.

"This trial is farce!" Sora yelled.

"Sora? This trail is not farce; you were a witness to Kairi and Naminé's evil tyranny, and we haven't even started the trial yet," Bridget pointed out.

"I know. I just like saying that," Sora said.

Erica sighed. Riku slapped his forehead. Bridget gave a thumbs-up.

"Can we _please_ continue so I can have my chair back?" asked Xemnas.

"What is it with you and this chair?" Bridget shouted.

"You don't want to know," Xemnas said.

Bridget shifted uncomfortably. Erica lost it.

"That's it! We're going to do this trial right!" she said.

Erica drew out her notebook and began to write. The room around them began to fade, and the Queen's Castle in Wonderland came into view.

"Aw… I missed this place. Why didn't they bring it back in KH2?" Bridget asked.

Unfortunately, another trial was already in progress.

"Okay, everybody move!" Erica yelled.

"How dare you! Do you not know how I am?" The queen was furious.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the Queen of Hearts, but we all know how this turns out. You declare Alice guilty even though you know perfectly well that she is innocent. Then Sora will yell "This trial is farce!" because that's what he always does. You'll send out your cards to attack, even though the only real damage they can do is give you a paper cut. The cards are defeated. End of story," Erica said.

The queen looked baffled.

"Move it!" Erica yelled.

The queen, the white rabbit, and the royal deck of cards rose and left. The Four of Spades muttered something along the lines of "cards have feelings too," and they were gone. Luxord nodded in sympathy.

"Much better," Bridget said.

But naturally, as with almost everything, some adjustments had to be made. Erica and Bridget used their notebooks to make two judges' podiums, make the audience and juries' stands bigger, and paint the roses red.

"_Now _can we continue?" Erica asked.

"Yes. As I was saying, Kairi and Naminé stand accused of a) stealing our notebooks, b) taking over the show, and c) attempting to forcefully marry Yuffie and Leon," Bridget said.

"How do you plead to the first crime?" Erica questioned.

"Not guilty. We _found _the notebooks," Kairi said.

"Do you have any proof?" Erica asked.

"No, but-" Naminé began.

"Aha!" Bridget shouted.

"We _can _go back in time to see what really happened," Naminé finished.

"Luxord!" Kairi yelled.

Bridget and Erica whispered quietly. "Does going back in time count as proof?"

"I am too tired to go back in time right now, can't I just show you?" Luxord said.

Luxord created an image of Logan leaving the notebooks unguarded to go get a sandwich (which was later eaten by Axel for revenge).

"See?" Naminé asked.

"What's the verdict?" Kairi asked lazily.

"You don't get the verdict until the trial's over," Erica stated.

"But more importantly, that's when the sentencing is!" Bridget chirped.

Kairi and Naminé gulped.

"Secondly, you took over the show," Erica said.

"Mutiny!" Bridget agreed.

"One word? Who are you, Fuu?" Erica questioned.

"No, apparently the narrator thinks I'm a bird. I just 'chirped' my last line."

"I've always wondered what it would be like to be a bird…" Erica said dreamily.

"Ahem," Riku interrupted.

"Oh, right. How do you plead?" Erica asked.

"Not guilty," Kairi said.

"Instead of asking for proof, we're going to vote," Bridget said.

"That's not fair!" Naminé yelled.

"This is a democracy. Get over it!" Bridget stuck out her tongue.

"By show of hands, who witnessed Kairi and Naminé's reign of terror?" Erica asked.

Everyone raised their hands, except Sora.

"Sora, put your hand up!" Bridget yelled.

"So it's unanimous. Kairi and Naminé are guilty of the second charge," Erica said.

"For the last part, we're going to interrogate you," Bridget said happily.

Bridget and Erica left the judges' seats to approach the witness stand.

Erica held up an award. "Can you identify this object?"

"Sure," Kairi answered, "It's the **Cutest Couple **Award."

"And you were supposed so give it to Leon and Yuffie, were you not?" she continued.

"Um… maybe?" Naminé squeaked.

Erica walked into the audience to where Leon and Yuffie were seated, holding the award inches from their faces. Both looked as if the were about to be physically ill.

"Do you want this?" Erica asked.

Leon and Yuffie both shook their heads no and squirmed nervously.

"That means Yuffie and I get it, right?" Logan asked.

"No. Actually that means Roxas and Naminé get it," Bridget said.

"Give it!" Naminé yelled.

"No. I'm giving it to Roxas."

Bridget walked over to Roxas and handed him the trophy. "I'm giving you this because it's rightfully yours, but more importantly, I want you to take this and never get another song by Jesse McCartney stuck in my head."

"Why? I thought you thought I was a good singer…" Roxas said.

"You are. But first of all, I don't think, and second, it's very frustrating to start humming "Beautiful Soul" in the middle of my Algebra finals."

"When did Roxas ever sing?" Erica asked.

"Weekly therapy sessions for emo kids," Bridget explained.

"Kids? As in plural?"

"Yeah, Roxas and Zexion."

"What does therapy have to do with singing?" asked Erica.

"I told them to find a creative outlet for their… emo-ness," Bridget said.

"Well, what does Zexion do?"

"He collects hair-care products. Zexion can identify every scent of Herbal Essences shampoo without looking," Bridget answered.

"You said you wouldn't tell!" Zexion yelled.

"It's not hard to figure out, considering you walk around smelling like a fresh-cut flower everyday." Bridget shrugged.

"OMG! In five months of therapy you have never been that brutally honest!

"Whatever."

Zexion was in hysterics. "Screw you guys! I'm gonna go write in my Livejournal and listen to Death Cab!"

"Have fun with that!" Bridget yelled after him. After Zexion slammed the door, Bridget muttered, "Freaking emo kid."

She turned to Roxas. "We're going to have to cancel your sessions for a while so I can help Zexion."

Meanwhile, Zexion was in his room blasting Death Cab for Cutie and hugging a little Ugly Doll. "You'll be my friend, right?"

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"Anyway…" said Erica, slightly weirded out.

"See what you did by trying to marry them?" Bridget asked.

"What did we do?"

"You _broke _their love!"

"Love is not a tangible thing; it can't be broken," Naminé explained.

"Is this your fanfiction?" Bridget raised an eyebrow.

"No."

"Then it's mine, and love and be broken!" Bridget snapped.

"Bridget, relax, she's just saying that because she doesn't have a soul," Erica said.

"No, I don't have a _heart_. That's part of being a Nobody," Naminé clarified.

"We know," Bridget sighed.

Erica pulled out a small tape recorder. "Note to self: defendant Naminé possesses neither a soul nor a heart.

"Hey!"

"The court finds you guilty!" Erica yelled.

"Okay, first we were going to have you guys take care of the giant penguin for eternity as your punishment (as suggested by Emme), but then I realized that no sane human would wish that on such a beautiful and majestic work of my imagination, so," Bridget began.

"You get to spend a week in that cell with Sephiroth!" Erica finished.

"No!" Kairi and Naminé yelled in unison.

"And Logan," Bridget said, addressing her brother, "_you _get to take care of Pengy, since you were the one that got us in this mess in the first place!"

"Next!" Erica yelled.

Marluxia took the stand nervously.

"Okay," Erica said, "you stand accused of a) leaving Bridget and Logan stranded in Kansas, and b) plotting to overthrow our supreme authoress power over this fanfiction. How do you plead?"

"As guilty as a muddy puppy in a ruined flowerbed," Marluxia admitted.

"The defense rests!" Erica shouted.

"Hold up, what kind of expression was that?" Bridget asked.

"Just tell me what my punishment is," Marluxia said.

"You get to… take care of Zexion's roses while he's in the white room with the nice, soft walls," Bridget said.

"Ooh! What kind are they?" Marluxia added, starting to think that his punishment might be more of an actual reward.

"They're black roses. Oh, and you have to watch his raven, too!" Erica added.

"No!" Marluxia shouted.

"Case closed," Bridget stated.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Well, that's my chapter for the day. I hope you enjoyed it. See you in Chapter 24! And remember to review!!!!!!

Oh, and sorry about the emo stereotype... for those of you that it offends. For those of you that find it funny (like me and Erica do) rock on!


	23. Chaos, Panic, and Anarchy

Ok, so I don't have many authors' notes today, but this is Erica and I'm trying to start a series of chapters with this one, but that's all up to Bridget, now isn't it?

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"Ok," Bridget said holding up her notebook to Logan, "I have to go to court again because I'm being sued for malpractice, go figure, it's the only thing I haven't been sued for, and Erica is in detention for calling her teacher an asshole, so you're on your own today. Have fun with the show, and don't let Kairi and Naminé get the notebooks again."

After Bridget left Logan went inside to start the show.

"Ok guys, since Bridget and Erica aren't here today I'm giving out the award for—"

"Wait, Bridget and Erica aren't here?" Axel asked.

"Well no, but they left me in charge so…" Logan trailed off.

"Get him!" Leon screamed.

"Grab the notebooks!" Roxas yelled.

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"What the fuck is going on here?!" Bridget yelled as she walked in the door with Erica trailing sheepishly behind.

They were met by a scene of total chaos and rebellion.

Marluxia and Lexaeus were having a battle in the middle of the room, both of them using flower power to win. They had proved that roses were more dangerous then they looked.

Zexion stood on the terrace writing his emo poetry about the misery and woe of battle while his pet raven attacked Larxene who was standing below.

Off to the side Naminé and Kairi were fighting for existence, quite literally, and from where the battle stood Naminé was winning.

On the other side of the room, Cloud and Leon stood gunblade to longsword, face to face. Neither budged, but both pushed with all their weight to topple the other over.

"I asked what was going on here!" Bridget yelled, but everyone was too wrapped up in their own battle to notice, or answer. Or care.

Bridget and Erica pushed their way into the hallway where they were met with even more anarchy.

Yuffie and Aerith were involved in a cat fight that was more screaming than violence. Bridget had to hold Erica back to keep her from taking Aerith's side and beating the crap out of Yuffie.

Next to the two girls, but totally oblivious to the cat fight, was Demyx and Vexen who were by now both soaking wet as they sent sheets of water and ice back and forth.

Bridget repeated her question, but when no one answered she and Erica pushed their way through to the ice-skating rink/swimming pool that had now become known as "The Swimming Pool That's Too Good To Be True" (It goes with The Castle That Never Was! Why does no one ever get my jokes?)

In here was still more pandemonium as Rikku, Yuna, and Paine beat each other senseless by throwing small sparkly objects at each other. (They are fairies in this.)

Standing below their small wings were Tidus and Wakka who were too busy stoning each other to notice the bits of money and treasure that was falling around them.

To the left of them was Seifer and Hayner whacking each other with blue foam covered wooden bats that did almost no damage besides shooting out giant blue and red marbles when they were hit.

"Where is Logan!?" Bridget screamed.

No one answered as the three battles continued to rage. With an accidental slip of the hand one of Wakka's rocks slipped and hit Erica in the head. That's when all three battles ended.

"All right, which one of you bastards threw that!?" Erica demanded.

Everyone in the room silently turned to point to the person next to them. With an 'accidental' slip of the hand, the rock that had hit Erica slipped out of her hand and 'accidentally' knocked Wakka unconscious. "Now who wants to tell me where Logan is?"

"The dungeons," Rikku squeaked.

So Bridget and Erica hurried to the dungeons to find Logan cowering under a couch in a cell. Together they managed to smash a chair against the cell door to open it.

"It wasn't locked, I was hiding in here so they wouldn't hurt me," Logan said.

"What the hell is going on!?" Bridget demanded, "I told you not to let Kairi and Naminé have the notebooks!"

"Well, Kairi and Naminé didn't get the notebooks, but…" Logan said leaving the shelter of the couch.

"Well then who did?"

Logan didn't have time to answer because at that moment he burst into flames and went running down the hall. Bridget and Erica soon followed being chased by a brown sharpie. (Don't ask.) They ended up in the pool that was too good to be true because like a bug the sharpie refused to follow them into the water. But Erica would like to mention that bugs are still in the pool, bugs are _everywhere_!

"Erica, don't scare the reader," Bridget said.

"What did they do to you in detention?" Logan asked.

"That's not important, what is important is getting the Kingdom Hearts characters back under control. I mean they have to listen to us, we're in charge!" Erica said.

"Not anymore, they are in charge now," Logan said pointing up. They were no longer in the pool, but in the Organization's throne room where Axel and Roxas sat in the two tallest chairs. Xemnas was not happy because he had an unusual fascination with his chair.

"Hi guys," Erica said to Axel and Roxas who now held their notebooks..

"Take them to the dungeons!" Axle ordered.

"But we're your friends," pleaded Bridget.

"Logan ate my sandwich, Erica called me and Roxas gay, and Bridget brought her friends attack Roxas. Riku! Take them to the dungeons!" Axel ordered again.

"I'm so sorry guys," Riku mumbled as he and Sora, who were now Axel and Roxas's new slaves, led the three fallen heroes to the dungeon where they sat in silence for hours until Erica announced, "there are bugs in here too."

"No really, what did they do to you in detention?" Logan asked as Bridget got up and silently walked to the doors to inspect the locks on their cell. It was time for revenge.

-----------

Ok, let's see what Bridget can do with that. I'm hoping it will take more then one episode to solve our problem, but who knows. Anyway, detention is almost over, but I think I'll wait until later to post it because the two hottest guys in school are outside and their playing football shirtless. I love this hot weather we've been having lately! See you in my next chapter.


	24. Escape

Okay, Bridget here, again. I don't have much to say except that we will most likely have our terrible revenge soon! Now, for the chapter:

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Erica: **What are you doing, Bridget?

**Bridget: **Rereading the fanfiction to see if there's anything else that Axel and Roxas would want revenge on us for.

**Erica: **It might be revenge for you making Roxas cry in Chapter 7.

**Bridget: **It might be because you nominated Axel for all the embarrassing awards.

**Erica: **If we had known this would happen, would we still have done that stuff?

**Bridget: **Duh.

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"We need an escape plan," said Erica.

"Yeah, and fast," Bridget agreed.

"Okay," said Logan, "here's what we're gonna do:"

He paused; Erica and Bridget waited patiently for about five seconds and then decided he was taking too long.

"Well?" Erica asked.

"We all know that the combination of blondes and redheads is very lethal," said Logan.

Bridget nodded, her red hair pulled back in a ponytail. Erica followed suit, absent mindedly twirling a strand of blond hair around her finger. Both remained silent. Their thoughts were elsewhere, and by elsewhere, I mean that they were obviously thinking about Sora and Riku.

"Guys, pay attention!" Logan yelled.

Bridget looked thoughtful for a minute. "Logan, do you still have that iTunes gift card?"

"Yeah, why?" he asked.

"How is an iTunes gift card gonna help? What are we gonna do, buy Hilary Duff music until it runs out and use it to torture Axel and Roxas?" Erica questioned.

"Good idea, but no. Logan uses gift cards to pick locks," Bridget answered.

"Yeah. I use them to break into your room and read your diary," Logan said to Bridget.

"I don't have a diary, moron."

"Maybe it was Naminé's diary…" said Logan, handing the gift card to Bridget.

Bridget took the card and slid it in between the wall and the door for several minutes. The lock finally clicked open and the three heroes stumbled out of the cell and into a white hallway.

"What now?" Erica asked.

Bridget had been about to talk when a loud "beep" sounded overhead. The PA system clicked on, and Roxas's voice came out. Several cameras in the hallway swiveled to follow Erica, Logan, and Bridget.

"Attention! It seems that Logan, Bridget, and Erica have finally escaped the cell! Let's give them a round of applause!" said Roxas.

"Maybe someone would like to know what it's like to have a soccer ball implanted in their face!" Bridget yelled at the intercom.

"Let's go," Erica said, "If we don't get out of here, they'll put us back in that cell."

"Relax, I don't think they can hear us," Logan said.

"Actually, the beauty of having the notebooks and being in charge of everything is that we _can _hear you," Axel sneered.

There was a small scuffle on the overhead system that was most likely Axel and Roxas fighting over the microphone.

"And I heard that about the soccer ball!" Roxas added.

"Good," Bridget shouted back, "because I don't make idle threats!"

"Ooh, scary," Axel mocked.

The hallway began to fill up with Assassin and Samurai Nobodies. Erica, Logan, and Bridget quickly fled the scene, but not before Bridget had the chance to flip the bird at the nearest camera.

Bridget would like to point out that if the narrator had been so kind as to give us weapons that the three friends would have fought instead of running. The narrator would like to point out that she is merely recording the events as they happened, and would like to ask Bridget to shut her trap.

"Get on with it!" Erica yelled.

The narrator fell silent, and Logan, Bridget, and Erica continued on their not-so-merry way.

"You were saying?" asked Erica.

"Oh, yes. I have a plan, but it will take several chapters to execute, but I don't think I will say it, in case the narrator decides to tell Axel and Roxas," Bridget explained.

"How does that help, if you're the only one that knows the plan?" Logan asked.

"Just follow my lead. We need to get to my room right now, though," Bridget said.

So they continued, avoiding corridors that had too many Nobodies to run through. After several floors, they reached Bridget's room. Erica pushed open the door, and what was inside shocked them.

Bridget's room was a wreck. The mattress was flipped over on to the floor; the pillows had the stuffing beaten out of them. Several posters had been torn off the wall, and her bookcases had been tipped over with all their contents on the floor. All of these things should have bothered Bridget, but nothing was as troubling to her as the sight of her desk.

Her brand new laptop had been carelessly thrown onto the floor. The lamp had been pushed off the desk. And when Bridget peered inside, the drawers were empty, except for a few scattered photographs and several already full notebooks, including her personal favorite that was full of pictures from the internet.

"Where are all those blank notebooks I know I bought?" Bridget yelled.

"I bet Axel and Roxas probably took them," Erica suggested.

Logan pulled the laptop off the floor, opened it, and logged in. "Looks like all the previous chapters have been erased," he said.

"They are so toast!" Bridged shouted.

"No, they were toast after the Sharpie thing," Erica said.

"They are so dead they make the dinosaurs look alive!" Bridget fumed.

"Now we're talking!" Logan agreed.

"First things first," said Bridget, pulling out a battered looking green notebook and scribbling in it.

Several moments later, Erica, Bridget, and Logan were each armed with a Keyblade and a walkie talkie.

"Why didn't you just use the notebook to get more notebooks?" Erica asked.

"It doesn't work like that. Notebooks can't be used to make more notebooks," Bridget explained.

"That's a dumb rule," Erica pouted.

All the narrator will say about the Keyblades is that Erica's was called "Soul Eater", Bridget's was called "Oathbreaker" (how original)…

"Hey!" Bridget yelled.

…And that Logan's was named "Dusk Slayer".

"Phase One of my brilliant plan," Bridget began.

"How much do you want to bet that it's not brilliant at all?" Logan whispered.

"Ten bucks," Erica answered, passing the money to Logan.

"Involves Erica rescuing Riku and Sora," she continued.

"Do I have to save Sora? Can I just save Riku and run away?" Erica asked.

"Logan should probably try to free other people, too," Bridget added.

"And where does this plan find you?" asked Logan.

"Outside. In Dark City," Bridget said.

"We're going to need disguises," Erica said thoughtfully, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"No, probably not," replied Bridget.

Erica pulled Logan and Bridget down the hallway, and stopped outside a door. "Every third room is a coat closet," hinted Erica.

She pulled open the door, and all three heroes gasped at what they found inside.

The entire cast of Beauty and the Beast had been strapped to chairs and forced to listen to "Right Where You Want Me" until it got stuck in their heads. Erica and Bridget quickly covered their ears, and Logan slammed the door. Luckily, they survived without harm, but Beast, Belle, and their various appliances would more than likely require years of therapy. Bridget offers free therapy sessions for Kingdom Hearts characters.

"Maybe it was every fourth room," Erica apologized.

At any rate, Logan, Erica, and Bridget eventually found a coat closet (after accidentally walking in on various unspeakable tortures). Each one grabbed an Organization cloak, and said their goodbyes, heading off to their respective tasks.

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Meanwhile, Erica pulled her hood up and slunk quietly along a wall. She was just outside the throne room.

Fortunately, Axel and Roxas had left. The narrator assumes that Axel had probably gone to Subway to attain a delicious sandwich similar to the one Logan ruined, and that Roxas was more than likely figuring out more ways to torture people with song.

"Pst!" Erica whispered/yelled.

"Are you guys back already?" asked Sora, not glancing away from the PS2.

"It's me, you moron," said Erica.

"Erica!" Riku shouted, rushing over to his friend and giving her a hug.

"Not so loud!" she said, but happily hugged back.

"Where's Bridget?" Sora asked.

"I have no idea," answered Erica.

Her walkie talkie crackled.

"Erica? Are you there?" asked Bridget.

"Yeah. You okay?"

"No, everything's going super!" she said sarcastically.

"You still have Oblivion, don't you?" asked Erica.

"Oh yeah, never mind!" Bridget said, ending the call.

Erica shrugged. "Let's get out of here."

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_Do I really have to do this? _wondered Logan.

_Yes, remember, it's for…Wait, why _AM _I doing this?_

His walkie talkie beeped, and Bridget came on. "You're going this because I said so," she said, and then left.

_Fine._ Logan pulled out his iPod, setting it to play Linkin Park songs so he would not pass out while attempting to rescue people. The narrator uses the word "attempting" because we all know how Logan can be.

Unfortunately, every once in a while he would catch a little bit of the song. It didn't happen very often, but when it did, it was always a song Logan vaguely recognized because it had been overplayed either on the radio or on Disney channel.

His first several rescue attempts were successful, and Logan managed to save everyone from Wonderland, Beast's Castle, Olympus Coliseum, and Port Royal before he ran into a snag. The snag had blonde hair and blue eyes, and he ran into it while attempting to rescue the citizens of Halloween Town from a free concert.

"Oh, shit."

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"Ow!" shouted Bridget as she hit the wet pavement again. Darkside towered above her, although Bridget was thinking about how weird it was that she could she the heart-shaped moon perfectly when she looked through its stomach.

Bridget got up, brushed herself off, and ran to attack Darkside again. This time, it picked her up by the hood and dangled her in front of its face. Bridget flailed uselessly, hanging about 20 feet off the ground. She decided it was time to call Erica.

"Hey, how's your part coming?" Bridget asked.

"It's going good… what's wrong?" said Erica.

"Oh, nothing," Bridget said.

"Well, you still have Oblivion, right?"

Bridget had forgotten that she still had another weapon. "Oh yeah, never mind."

She summoned her other Keyblade, but Darkside had apparently decided it was time to slam its fist into the ground. Bridget yelped.

Bridget got up again and started attacking the giant Heartless, who didn't really notice that it was hurt until it fell over on the concrete, fading away into nothing.

"Whew," Bridget said, wiping her forehead. She ran back towards the white castle.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Okay, that's my chapter. It was mostly just building suspense, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Remember to review, no flames! Bye!


	25. Attack!

Ok, this is Erica again. That's about it for now.

----

"Where are you taking us?" Riku asked as Erica dragged him along the hallway and Sora ran behind him trying to keep up.

"To be honestly fair, I don't know. We never discussed where we would meet up," Erica said pulling Riku into a closet, almost forgetting to bring Sora with them.

"So why don't you just ask Bridget?" Sora said indicating the walkie-talkie.

"Oh, this ran out of batteries about three doors back. And I mean it literally ran out of batteries," Erica said showing them the empty battery case, "My guess is that Axel and Roxas are onto us, but I can only hope that Bridget and Logan will keep them busy while we come up with a plan."

"But didn't Bridget say she had a plan?" Sora asked.

"Yes, but she didn't share it with us, so now I'm making up my own. If either of you feels the need to protest, fine, you're on you're own."

When no one responded Erica smiled and continued.

"If we plan to help Bridget, who is outside in the Dark City, then we need to build an army. We should find those who were battling against Axel and Roxas's minions when Bridget and I arrived. I think the Disney characters would be willing to help as well. I think the three of us should split up and gather as many recruits as possible. Then we meet back here, any questions?"

"Yes, do I have to go alone?" Sora asked.

"Fine, you can go with Riku, any more questions?"

"Um…what do we call ourselves, you know, like a team name?" Riku asked.

"How about LaResistance?"

"Fine, but as soon as we put Axel and Roxas back in their place, I'm bringing you to a South Park intervention."

---------

Little did Erica know that Logan was doing a great job of distracting Axel and Roxas. Unfortunately for him, however, he had been captured by Roxas who had taken him back to Axel, who had proceeded to tie Logan to a chair and then dangle a sandwich in front of Logan's face while he twitched and squirmed. For it was a Subway sandwich, and everyone knows that you can't resist trying to eat a Subway sandwich. Screw Quiznos!

As Logan squirmed, Roxas, who wasn't as interested in Axel's special breed of torture, had walked over to the camera monitors and been startled at what he had seen.

"Axel, forget the sandwich, you have to see this!"

"What?"

"Bridget is still in Dark City!"

"What? Why do I have to see that?"

"Because she is fighting off all the Nobodies. Darkside didn't kill her!"

"Don't worry, I can fix that!" Axel said pressing a small red button that summoned his police, which was none other then Zexion himself.

"We have a mission for you," Roxas said, explaining his plan to Zexion.

"Must…get…sandwich," Logan said, because he apparently hadn't been gagged.

--------

Erica stumbled down the hallway, a small group of her followers heading after her towards the coat closet where she would meet Riku and Sora.

As it turned out Riku and Sora had gathered most of the Disney characters and Erica had gathered Lexaeus, Larxene, Kairi (sadly), Leon, Aerith, Vexen, Yuna, and Tidus. Although I don't know how they all fit in the coat closet…

"So, what now?" Riku asked.

"We need to get help to Bridget. She's in Dark City, so we attack at dawn," Erica informed him.

"Wouldn't it be better if we attacked as soon as possible?" Sora asked.

"Fine, we leave tonight," Erica said.

--------

Bridget stood in the middle of the city, something was wrong. The Heartless and the Nobodies had stopped coming.

"So, I bet you wish you hadn't made fun of me for the last couple of chapters," Zexion said stepping out of the shadows.

"What are you doing here, the only person you could kill is yourself," Bridget said pulling out her two Keyblades.

"I'll make you pay," he said running forward with his book of emo poetry. (No seriously, his weapon is a book. Ene can only assume it is full of emo poetry.)

"Stop!" yelled someone in the distance; Erica had arrived with her army.

She, Riku, Sora, and Logan (who had chewed his way out of his bindings) stood in the front of the army carrying their Keyblades. This was the distraction Bridget had been waiting for, and army of… was that Bambi and Piglet? This was the only help they could bring her?

"You won't make anyone pay! But don't worry, you win the **First Casualty Award**," Bridget said, running her Keyblade through Zexion.

For a minute everyone thought that had been the easiest war to fight so far. That was until they herd the clapping coming from behind Bridget. "Good job, but I'm the master of illusions, you'll have to do better then that," Zexion said, his own army standing behind him, Marluxia was leading them.

"Oh my gosh! I'm seeing dead people again!" Sora shrieked.

"Though you die, La Resistance lives on!" Erica screamed.

"In English please?" Riku said.

"ATTACK!" Erica yelled as her army (yes, _HER_ army) ran forward.

----

I think it's odd that at the end of each chapter I say "Ok, that's my chapter now it's Bridget's turn. See you in my next chapter." So today I will be trying something new. I'm giving you all advice. Today's words of wisdom are "Never put charcoal on your eyes, because while it looks just _like_ eye shadow, it hurts just _like_ hell."


	26. La Resistance

Um… it's Bridget and… I think that's it. No author's notes, for once. I'll just start the chapter now, I guess.

**XxXxXxXxX**

**Bridget: **I'm so glad I lived!

**Erica: **This wouldn't be much of a fanfiction if the authoresses died, would it?

**Bridget: **That, and if one of us died, we would have to go back to the last check point, which would have been the beginning of your last chapter.

**Erica: **You mean I would have had to write it over again?

**Bridget: **Uh huh.

**Erica: **I'm glad you lived too.

**Logan: **I'm glad you guys are glad that you're alive, but I guarantee that if you don't start the chapter before the battle starts, you won't have anything to be glad about in 5 minutes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Riku, Sora, Logan, Erica, and the miscellaneous members of La Resistance rushed to attack every Heartless and Nobody in sight. This worked well for everyone except Logan, who had nearly gotten trampled by the small army. Everybody else appeared to be busy, so Sora had to help him up.

"How come you and Bridget are the only people that get two Keyblades?" he asked.

"Because I'm special, and Bridget is just lucky," he answered.

"Oh, cause that makes _perfect_ sense." Logan stared as Sora ran off to start his own fight.

Meanwhile, Riku and Erica were trying very hard not to slip on Marluxia's tears as they carefully beheaded each and every one of his not-so-threatening pink pansies. Unfortunately, Marluxia figured this out fairly quickly, and instead of trying to attack them with flowers, he summoned his one, large Nobody. (Yeah, that giant one from KH: CoM; I have no fxcking clue what it is called)

"What now?" Riku asked, tightening his grip on his Keyblade.

"Charge?" Erica suggested, holding out her weapon and rushing at the large enemy.

Tidus and Yuna definitely had a strategy. This "strategy" was that Yuna would sprinkle pixie (or fairy, or whatever, I honestly couldn't care less) dust in a Heartless' eyes, and Tidus would follow through by throwing a rock at them while they were distracted. The surprise is it actually worked.

Leon proceeded to slice through everything in his way (and shoot at everything that wasn't in his way) with his Gunblade. Aerith, on the other hand, had taken to healing everything and everyone (on Bridget and Erica's side, anyway) every time they were touched. This proved very annoying to Bridget.

"Ow!" Bridget yelled.

Aerith whipped around, quickly casting Cure for what seemed like the millionth time to Bridget. The reason that this bothered Bridget was because her only injuries were papercuts, which she got at least once every five seconds. And every time that Aerith healed her, she had to stand still for at least five seconds, during which she got _another _papercut.

"Stop!" Bridget said. "Can't you heal someone besides me?"

"Like who?" asked a very surprised Aerith.

"Like her," answered Bridget motioning towards Kairi, who was trapped and helpless (as usual) under a pile of squirming Shadow Heartless.

"Okay." Aerith shrugged.

"Finally," Zexion said, maintaining his steady tornado of dusty books.

Bridget swatted several books aside, but then got hit in the face by a rather large encyclopedia. Followed by the entire Harry Potter series, and then Eragon and Eldest. She swore.

"Is that the worst you got?" Bridget antagonized.

"Why, can't handle any more?" Zexion sneered.

As Bridget attempted to rush Zexion once again, her Keyblade went straight through him like last time. And she crashed on to the pavement.

"You gonna try that again?" he questioned.

Bridget considered this for a minute and she got up and brushed herself off.

"Probably," she finally answered.

And no sooner had she said that, than she attacked again, this time instead aiming for the book in Zexion's hands. Bridget sighed with relief as her Keyblade finally connected with something solid.

Lexaeus and Larxene were kicking some serious ass. Lexaeus was stomping the ground violently, and in doing so, causing tall pillars of rock to knock Nobodies in to the air, and creating an earthquake that knocked the Heartless off balance.

Larxene was shooting lighting bolts everywhere, not even looking as she did so. She was using one hand to hold her book (Marquis de Sade, which is some seriously dark stuff, I mean, not even Zexion would go there) and turn the page, and the other to point into the sky and shock everything to death.

Vexen, on the other hand, was simply freezing patches of wet ground all over the place, making everyone slip, friend or foe. He shot small ice needles at a couple enemies, then decided that everyone would do fine without him and went to go conduct an experiment of some sort. Nobody really missed him.

Logan was battling Twilight Thorn, and winning, if only because every couple seconds he started to sing a random line from a Jesse McCartney song (Apparently, Axel wasn't the only one torturing him). So the battle sounded something like this:

"I don't want another pretty face…"

WHACK!

"Because you live, and breathe…"

HIT!

"It's a good life, so why y'all trippin'? The good life's slipping away…"

SLAM!

"Did you know that everyone's a star?"

(etc… Bridget got bored, but the fight went on)

"'Cause you're all the girl that I'll ever need…"

insert random noise here

"You got me, right where you want me!" Logan finished.

Twilight Thorn was on the ground writhing in pain. The narrator feels very much sorry for the poor thing, and for Logan.

"What now, bitch?" Logan gloated. He finished off the giant Nobody with one swing of his Keyblade.

Sora, however, was not doing so well against Luxord. He had, though, proved to the world that he has a much more colorful language than anybody expected, as every time Luxord decided to turn him into a dice or a card, he swore loudly.

Luxord, for some reason, found that this was funny, so he changed Sora back and forth between being a dice and a card every five seconds. This, just as Aerith's constant healing was to Bridget, was very irritating to Sora. Plus, if he didn't get a break soon, he might have to start swearing in other languages.

Dice. "Damn."

Card. "Shit."

Dice. "Fag!"

Card. (etc…)

Luckily, by now Erica and Riku had managed to defeat Marluxia's Nobody, and left him and his crushed flowers in a bloody heap to help Sora. Or rather, Riku wanted to help Sora and dragged Erica along against her will. Bridget would like to thank Riku and stick her tongue out at Erica for their efforts. ( :P )

So Erica and Riku distracted Luxord long enough for Sora to recover, and then all three of them continued to beat the living shit out of Luxord. Which didn't take very long. Three teenagers with Keyblades versus a guy with 52 cards – there is almost no contest there, right?

As suddenly as the battle had started, it was over. Marluxia was sobbing uncontrollably over his dead flowers, paying no attention what so ever to his suffering Nobody. Motionless Nobodies and Heartless lay everywhere, so much so that you couldn't take two steps without tripping over one. Erica's army wasn't torn up too badly, except for maybe Kairi, but no one complained about that, not even Sora.

Luxord was beaten to a bloody pulp, scrambling to retrieve his cards. Zexion, with his arm twisted behind his back by Bridget, was wailing about his destroyed poetry book. Bridget had a bloody nose from being smashed in the head by several more books, and several clearly visible papercuts.

"Suck it up," she said unsympathetically.

"This had been a great victory for La Resistance!" Erica shouted happily.

"Is that what we're calling it?" whispered Bridget.

"Yeah," answered Sora.

Erica's army wanted a break, so Riku, Sora, Erica, Bridget, and Logan reentered the castle alone, planning to confront Axel and Roxas. They made their way through the white hallways as fast as possible. On the way, Logan began to sing a medley of Jesse McCartney songs, which quickly got annoying, so Erica slapped a piece of duct tape over his mouth. And Logan still tried to sing through the tape.

Before entering the throne room (or whatever it's called), Bridget decided to mess with the security camera.

"Nyah!" Bridget stuck her fingers in her mouth and pulled her cheeks apart, sticking her tongue out. Sora joined in the gesture, while Erica and Riku made sarcastic remarks behind their backs.

"So much for the element of surprise," Erica said.

"Tell me about it," Riku agreed.

"Mmphmm," Logan said, although no one knew what he was trying to say. Let's just assume that it wasn't important and continue on our way, shall we?

Erica pushed open the door to the throne room, and despite Bridget and Sora's display, Axel and Roxas looked genuinely surprised that they had made it this far.

"I told you we underestimated them," Roxas said.

"Ya think? You thought Darkside was going to kill me," Bridget replied sarcastically.

"Who gets killed by the first boss?" Erica asked.

Axel shrugged. "Let's get this over with," he said, summoning his chakrams.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Cliffie! What now? The next chapter's Erica's so see you in Chapter 27, but first:

Songs:

"Beautiful Soul"

"Because You Live"

"Good Life"

"Shine On"

and "Right Where You Want Me"

all by Jesse McCartney.

And before I get attacked by rabid fangirls, no, I don't hate him, it was meant to be a joke and to make fun of Roxas. (Why? Because when I'm mad at people, I make fun of them, real or not. You should have seen what happened after the "Great Sharpie Incident" of '06.)


	27. The Most Anti Dramatic Chapter Ever

This chapter is the product of much soda and the fact that it's two in the morning. If you thought we were normally weird, wait until you read this!

XXXXXXXXXXX

Erica finally had Axel cornered. Roxas and Bridget were still fighting. Keyblade met Keyblade, steel clashed with steel. Sora and Riku had been frozen by Vexen, whose experiment had turned out to be to discover at what temperature the human brain began to freeze and shut down completely. Logan was attempting (but not succeeding) to chew his way out of the duct tape.

"How could you possibly think you could overthrow us?" Erica asked.

"It's not us, we're not calling the shots," Axel clarified.

Suddenly Roxas stopped fighting, but the Keyblade kept attacking Bridget.

"Does anyone else think something is seriously wrong here?" asked Logan, who had somehow gotten the duct tape off.

"We want proof!" Erica demanded.

"Fine, okay," Axel said, opening Erica's green notebook, and flipping through it, revealing several hundred blank pages.

"My fanfictions!" Erica yelled.

"This is great, guys, but I'm still being attacked by a Keyblade without an owner!" Bridget called.

Roxas grabbed the Keyblade, but for some strange reason it still hated Bridget, so she decided that running around the room screaming would be a more productive use of her time.

"Well, if you're not calling the shots, then who is?" Erica said loudly, looking very murderously at her blank notebook and the pyro that held it.

"Guess who's back?" asked a previously unnoticed shadowy character.

"Back, again," he continued, as if "Without Me" by Eminem were an actual clue.

"Justin's back, tell a friend!" he finally finished.

"I don't need to tell a friend, I'm going to kill you! What did you do with my fanfictions?" Erica yelled as she charged forward only to be met by an invisible wall.

"Where the fuck did that come from?" Erica said, after colliding with Justin's one and only defense against her.

Bridget continued to struggle with the seemingly possessed Keyblade, trying very hard to remember a Brazilian voodoo exorcism she had read about in a book once. (No, she's not a witch, she read the Mediator series by Meg Cabot.)

"Oh, by the way," Justin added to Roxas, "you're not going to like Bridget's next fanfiction. And Axel, you might not want to play up the sympathy too much, or Erica will write a depressing story about your emo childhood!"

"What is the 'childhood' that you speak of? You forget that Nobodies don't have childhoods," Axel said.

"Or souls," whispered Erica.

"Oh, and since we're being totally honest here, Riku, in one of Erica's fanfictions, you turn out gay, so apparently she doesn't love you as much as she says she does."

"That's only half true!" yelled Erica.

Since the Keyblade had stopped following her around the room, Bridget had proceeded to use her brother as a battering ram against the invisible wall.

Erica, on the other hand, was persuading Axel to let her have the green notebook, and not just because it was shiny – she actually had a plan. Axel protested, because he planned on burning it, like everything else, but Erica won. She _always _wins.

"How about you melt Riku and Sora instead of wasting a perfectly good notebook?" Erica suggested.

Axel shrugged and thawed the two frozen heroes.

"Well, aren't you guys interested in why I came back?" Justin asked.

"No, not really," Bridget admitted, "I just want my fanfictions back."

"Do you want the Keyblade to come back?" Justin asked.

"No! Sorry! Not worthy!" Bridget shouted, not wanting to be attacked again.

"I like the way you think," Justin said, "that must be a new feeling for you."

Scribbling furiously in the notebook, Justin smiled as everyone in the room began to bow down to him.

"Much better." Justin grinned.

After bowing several hundred times, Bridget repeatedly asked for her notebook back, until Justin decided that reading them out loud would be an appropriate torture.

-----

"That was rather frightening," Riku said.

"Justin was right. And because I can't believe I'm saying it now, nor do I believe I will ever say it again, I'll say it again: Justin was right!" Roxas yelled.

"Apparently, this is a good day for Justin," Erica said sarcastically.

"How about we read from Erica's notebook now?" Justin offered.

Everybody yelled 'no' at the top of their lungs, including Erica, but Justin doesn't understand the word 'no' and continued to read them anyway.

-----

"Several years of therapy will not erase what we have just heard," Sora said.

"Why on earth did you compare me to an American flag?" Axel asked, horrified.

"So, should we all expect stories about our childhood, or is it just the fictional people in this room?" Logan asked.

"Leave me alone, detention is a very scary place," Erica whimpered.

"No, really, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN DETENTION?" Logan yelled.

"Okay, everybody, I like where this conversation is going, but let's turn the focus back to me!" Justin shouted. "Is anybody interested in why I'm still here?"

Nobody said anything, the only sound that could be heard was that of Bridget attempting to gnaw through the invisible wall.

"Bridget, don't do that, they'll make you wear braces again!" Erica warned.

Bridget ran away from the invisible wall just as she has fled from the Keyblade only moments before.

"Hello? Focus straying from me again!" Justin called.

"What!?" everyone asked in unison.

"Thank you, for your undivided attention!" Justin said.

Sora's attention was most definitely divided, between trying to tune Justin out and trying to kill a fly buzzing around his head.

"Isn't anybody worried about the fact that I came back? Doesn't anybody care why I'm here?" Justin whined.

"Well, one can assume it's because you don't like the attention on us, and are trying to take our show away," Erica guessed.

"Nope, I just want an award," Justin said annoyingly.

"WHAT!?" everyone yelled.

"Yeah. I am the only real person on the show who hasn't gotten an award, and well, I want one."

"WE WENT THROUGH THE LAST FOUR CHAPTERS JUST BECAUSE YOU WANTED A CARDBOARD TROPHY?" Riku yelled.

"Yeah, pretty much. Clever, right?" Justin asked.

"No! I think it was a waste of my free time!" Riku replied.

Justin opened his mouth, but was cut off by Riku yet again.

"And, Erica has been talking about you for the last several chapters. She says that she wants the jacket back and she thinks you're gay!"

"Fair's fair, but I want my award." Justin shrugged.

"Dude. You are so… weird," Bridget said, "But then again, Erica has always had great taste in guys."

"Hey! I resent that!" Justin yelled.

"I'm confused. How did I get dragged into this? You are all four years older than me? What happened there?" asked Logan.

"Why haven't I been mentioned at all in this chapter?" Vexen complained.

"Just shut up and sit in the corner, and Axel won't violently kill you like in Chain of Memories," Sora said.

"That was my favorite scene," Bridget said thoughtfully.

"HEY! CAN WE GET BACK TO ME AND MY AWARD PROBLEM NOW?" Justin yelled, as Vexen slowly began to inch away from Axel and Bridget.

"Sure. You can have **The Only Person To Be Thrown Out of the Fanfiction and Come Back **Award," Erica said.

"Although, we really should give that to Sephiroth," Logan mutted.

Bridget shushed him. He went on anyway.

"No, I'm serious, he got punted out through the roof by a giant penguin and the guy still came back. Even the restraining order didn't stop him!" he continued.

Bridget clapped her hand over his mouth, and spoke slowly so he could understand. "If you don't shut up, we lose the show, and I can guarantee that restraining orders don't work unless you have a seat of power to back them up with. Plus, we already gave him the creepiest character award, isn't that good enough?"

"Here, can you take this award as a symbol of our gratitude, and more importantly as a symbol that you should never ever ever come back?" said Erica frantically.

"Whatever," said Justin, jumping off the highest throne (he survived, we're not sure how…) and receiving the cardboard plaque, leaving.

"That was very… anti-dramatic," said Roxas.

"So? He's gone!" said Riku.

"Who wants to go play video games?" asked Bridget.

"La Resistance lives on!" Erica shouted.

"There's nothing to resist, anymore, Erica," Logan said.

And so on that happy note (twitch, twitch) our heroes (but not Vexen) went upstairs to play video games. (Bridget was chased by a haunted Keyblade.)

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

That last chapter was written by both Bridget and Erica, can you tell? And since the first time we started this fanfiction we were typing it in the same room, what a shocker!


	28. Chamber of Torture

Normally, this chapter would be mine, just like usually the last chapter would have been Erica's, but we're just overjoyed that we get to write the fanfiction in the same state, so we're doing them together. And because soda has left us brain dead at almost 3 in the morning.

XXXXXXXX

"I bet you anything in the world that Justin wasn't the one that convinced them to do this," Bridget said, putting books back on her shelves.

"Bet me Riku, and I just might take you up on that," Erica said.

"You know I can hear you guys, right?" Riku asked.

"Duh, otherwise there would be no point in saying it," Bridget said.

"Not that this isn't a great place to begin a chapter, but why exactly are we cleaning your room?" Logan asked.

"Because, if I don't clean this, then Mom won't let me host the show today," Bridget explained.

"Mom?" Logan asked.

"Yeah. She is still superior to us, in case you've forgotten, bonehead," she said.

"Hey, who's this?" Sora asked, picking up a picture of someone looking like a retard.

"Let me see!" Riku yelled, snatching the picture out of his hands.

"Oh, God, Bridget's got one too!"

"A what? What does Bridget have?" Logan asked.

"A –cough- stalker –cough-," Riku said.

"Hey, you haven't even let me see the picture yet!" Bridget yelled. "How do you know he's a stalker?"

"Because he looks gay," Sora said.

"He said the same thing about you," Bridget said lovingly, grabbing the picture away.

"I'm going to side with Sora on this one," said Erica.

"Why are all the real guys on this show gay?" asked Logan.

"Logan, you're a real guy on this show," Riku pointed out.

"Well, he's not coming, so you guys can just relax, okay?" asked Bridget.

---------------

"How did we end up in a whale?" asked Riku.

"This is a whale? I thought it was Toys 'R' Us!" Logan exclaimed.

"You see, me and Bridget have been playing KH 1 again, and we had a lot of fun with this particular world," Erica said.

"You do realize that we have to get of here before Monstro, like, eats us, right?" Sora asked nervously.

"It can't eat us. So long as we have our notebooks, we are invincible!" Bridget shouted.

"Apparently not," Erica said, "You were holding your notebook when Riku broke your arm, weren't you?"

"That's beside the point," Bridget said. "And I think we should…"

She could see that her brother and Sora were already arguing about which way they were going to go.

"Screw this! I'm finding the way out!" Logan shouted, "And anybody who wants to get out alive should follow me!"

Needless to say, nobody followed Logan.

"Well, I like the whale, so I'm not leaving until something really cool happens," Erica stated firmly.

Riku disagreed. "I don't like this place, so I'm leaving. Whales creep me out."

"I'm staying, because I want to see them number the chambers in the correct order," Sora said. "You see, I never learned to count at a kindergarten level, so that would be most helpful."

"I have a bone to pick with Agrabah," Bridget stated. "So, later."

Logan had run off several minutes before, but nobody really cared, so Riku and Bridget left the whale, and Erica and Sora decided to explore.

------------

"And so you see, four comes after three," Erica explained.

"Thanks, and what about this chamber, is this one chamber five?" Sora asked.

"Logically yes, but I have a strange feeling about this one," Erica said pushing her way into the chamber only to be met by a tall dark boy with glasses, another very sinister child, and what appeared to be something vaguely resembling a snake.

"I'm sorry, I think we are in the wrong room. Is this chamber five?" Erica asked.

"No, I'm sorry that's two doors to the left, this is the chamber of secrets, but don't worry, you're not the first person to make that mistake," the sinister child explained.

"Oh, well in that case we should probably be leaving. I hope we weren't interrupting you two," Erica said, trying to pull Sora out of the room, but his eyes had gone wide at the sight of a limp redhead on the ground.

"No that's all right, you weren't really getting in the way, you see I was just trying to kill him, but that can wait till the seventh book," the sinister child explained.

"Kairi?" Sora asked, pulling free of Erica's grasp.

"Back off! She's mine!" the boy with glasses said.

"Well then, we really should be leaving," Sora said, now eager to leave after being yelled at be a complete stranger.

"And by any chance do any of you know when Tom Felton will be getting here?" Erica asked.

"Please, Erica, we don't have the time, lets go!" Sora said, dragging Erica away.

----------------

"How hard could it possibly be to fight a clay pot?" Bridget asked, after being shocked yet again but the pot centipede's antennae.

"Apparently, you don't know my art teacher very well," Riku said, smashing through several pots.

"No, I didn't even know you went to school," Bridget said, kicking a clay pot wide open.

"I have better things to do."

"So I'll rephrase my earlier question: How hard can it possibly be to find and smash a squealing pot and rescue the person inside?" Bridget asked.

"I have no fucking clue," Riku said.

After several more minutes of shattering clay pots, the battle ended.

"What now?" Riku asked, noticing that they still hadn't been allowed to leave the world.

"There's another annoying boss to fight in the desert," Bridget said.

"Not another one."

Which is how they found themselves being attacked by a tiger head made out of sand, so it really shouldn't be able to move, but it can. Both teens swore very loudly, it is safe to say that your younger siblings would have to leave the room if it were an actual part of the game.

"This sucks," Riku stated.

"Oh, but the fun doesn't end here," Bridget said. "Did I mention we still have to fight Jafar, Genie Jafar, and then you have to kidnap a princess?"

"Yeah, because that sounds like _tons _of fun," Riku said, rolling his eyes.

"I know, isn't it just great?" asked Bridget, using a smile so obviously fake that she could only be suffering on the inside.

'That depends, tell me more about this princess. Be specific," Riku said.

"You know the one we just spent an hour trying to get out of a pot?" Bridget said in an overly perky way that clearly displayed her irritation at the entire world in general.

"The one with the puffy pants?" Riku asked.

"Ha ha, you're one to talk."

"This isn't going to be fun, is it?" Riku questioned.

"No, it isn't. That's what I've been saying all along," Bridget said.

----------------------

You can rest assured, however, that there was someone having less fun than Riku and Bridget. And that person is not Sora (who happens to be trying to save the various Harry Potter characters from Erica at this moment). That person is Logan, who is currently trapped inside Parasite Cage attempting to put as much distance between him and Pinochio as physically possible. Because rabid puppets are very frightening.

"Guys! Anyone! Help! Please?" Logan yelled, keeping Pinochio at bay with a small stick.

"We didn't leave anyone in charge!" he shouted, as if remembering the last several chapters would somehow save him. It didn't.

----------------------

"Why? Why must I be friends with Bridget? She is the only person on the face of the earth that would do this to me!" shouted Chris.

He was quite aware of two people that would just not leave him alone.

"Go home! Do you guys, like, not have your own gay boyfriends to torture?" he yelled at very scared Kairi and Naminé.

"They couldn't write a fanfiction based on Halo, or Oblivion, no. Why would they? It's clearly much more fun to torment people in this place. I'm stuck here, aren't I?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid you are," answered Bridget, who was pouring an entire pyramid of sand out of her shoes.

"Tom Felton!" Erica shrieked from somewhere in the distance.

"He's back?" Riku asked, rushing off in the direction of the sound.

------------------

Meanwhile, Logan was mere seconds away from being turned into a puppet. Poor Logan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Since it is now almost four in the morning, Erica and I will be going to bed now, assured that we have given you something to read at least until tomorrow. Bye!


	29. Battle of the Best

Aloha! It's Bridget again. I don't have any author's notes for today, except maybe that movie theaters are as necessary as oxygen. For me, at least. WARNING: Spoilers for the movie Disturbia in the beginning bit!

----------------

**Erica:** The movie theater, huh? What did you see?

**Bridget: **Disturbia. -Takes huge sip of the giant soda she didn't finish during the movie-

**Erica: **Was it good?

**Bridget: **Oh yeah, it was awesome. This guy's basement was flooded, and the water was full of decaying female corpses, and then-

**Erica: **Okay, okay. Start the chapter!

--------------------

"Okay," Erica began, "Whether or not Bridget's boyfriend is here…" Erica paused there, after hearing a small whimper escape Sora. Bridget, who had been dangling a puppet in front of Logan to freak him out, looked up at the mention of her name.

"He's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend that happens to be a boy," Bridget said defensively.

"But why is he even here?" Riku asked. "I thought Bridget said he wasn't coming at the beginning of the last chapter!"

Bridget shrugged.

"Well, whether or not Chris is here, the show must go on. Anybody have an idea for an award?" Erica asked.

"Yeah, I've got one," Chris cut in. "How about gayest video game ever?" He was lazily scanning the pages of Bridget's copy of Eragon. "Why is there blood on this page?"

"Stupid Zexion," muttered Bridget. "Anyway, yeah, I've got an idea."

XXXXXXXX

"The first award we're presenting today is the **Most Injured Character **Award," announced Erica, now standing on the stage in front of the audience.

"And, as luck would have it, all of the contestants are real people, not Kingdom Hearts characters," Chris said sarcastically.

"Right. Our nominees are:" Bridget began.

**"Erica!"**

**"Logan!"  
**

**"And Bridget!"**

"Well," Riku began, "Erica was nominated because she was melted and suffered internal bleeding."

"Bridget broke her arm from being pushed… I mean "falling" off of a ladder, and got several papercuts," Sora continued.

"And Logan was trapped inside Parasite Cage, duct-taped, forced to memorize Jesse McCartney songs, deprived of sandwiches, and don't get me started on Sephiroth…" Chris said.

"Okay, okay, we get the picture, Logan wins." Erica tossed the trophy at Logan, who fumbled with it for several seconds before it landed on his foot. Logan swore, and Bridget slapped him.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"You have to be older than 13 to swear in this fanfiction," Bridget said simply.

"Whatever."

Erica cut in to prevent a sibling slap-fight. "That's great, but this is too short to be a chapter, so anyone got any _more _ideas?"

"Yes, as a matter-of-fact, I do," said Bridget, grinning. She whispered to Chris, "You're gonna love this one."

XXXXXXXXX

"I'm confused. If Roxas can beat Riku, and Riku can beat Sora, and Sora can beat Roxas but _not _Riku… who wins?" asked Bridget.

"What does that have to do with anything?" questioned Erica.

"It's the basis for the next award."

"Wait, what do you mean Roxas can beat me? I won!" Riku shouted.

Bridget shook her head. "Not true."

"You only won because you cheated!" Roxas pouted.

"Yeah, that and he had already lost once before that," Bridget added.

"But he won in the end, and that's all that really matters, right?" Erica asked, supporting Riku.

"Wrong," Sora said.

"Well, I think Sora should win," Bridget stated.

"Go figure," whispered Logan to Chris, who nodded solemnly.

"-Because he did beat Roxas, and there are several parts in both games where you have to beat Riku to move on," she finished.

"I think that Riku should win, because he could so kick their asses outside of the influence of the writers of the video game," Erica disagreed.

Roxas began to feel left out, so he interrupted. "Is anyone gonna give a reason why they think I should win?"

"Do you want me to bring the fangirls back? There are more than two of my friends who are madly in love with you, you know," Bridget threatened.

"No! Not the fangirls!" he screamed.

Everyone else just stared, but Logan felt sorry for him, so he spoke up.

"Fine. I think Roxas should win, because otherwise he will sing, and we all know that is never a good thing."

Roxas glared, and Logan shrugged. "At least I tried."

"So, you guys know there's only one way to settle this, right?" Erica asked.

Bridget nodded. "Which brings me to the award…"

"What way? How do we settle this?" Riku interrupted.

"To fight for it," Erica answered.

"Couldn't we just play rock, paper, scissors, or something?" Sora pleaded.

"No, because one of you would get rock, one would get paper, and the other would get scissors, and then we'd just be right back where we started again," Bridget explained.

"Battle Royale!" Logan shouted.

"If we get to watch those three kill each other, then count me in," said Chris. Kairi and Naminé weren't far behind him. "And will you two stop freaking following me around everywhere?" he yelled.

"Back off, he's mine!" Bridget called.

Erica smirked, and Bridget rephrased her last statement. "I mean, he's my friend!"

"What about me?" asked Sora, as Kairi inched closer to him.

"Yes, you're mine too," she said reassuringly.

"And me?" Roxas asked, backing away from Naminé.

Bridget looked thoughtful for a moment. "No, you're not, but for the sake of my fangirl friends (particularly Lexi), Naminé can't have you either."

"Are we gonna get this battle underway or what?" asked Erica.

XXXXXXXX

The seven kids (Kairi and Naminé were forcefully removed from the group) proceeded to find an arena. After all, if The Castle That Never Was had a skating rink / swimming pool, how hard would it be to fit a small stadium inside as well?

But they ran into Axel on the way. Axel naturally wanted to know what the hell they were going, if only because his best friend was a part of the group.

"So you see," Erica finished explaining, "we're trying to find out who the best one really is." She burst out into an abrupt coughing fit, during which Bridget swore she heard the name Riku being used.

"You might want to get that checked," Axel said, backing away a couple steps. "Anyway," he continued, "I think that I should win this one."

"Oh! That reminds me…" said Erica, pulling out another trophy. "We never gave you the **Best Spikey Hair **Award."

Axel reached for the award, but another hand was already on it. Sora attempted to snatch it from him, but Axel won, and Sora fell over backwards.

"That's okay," Bridget said to Sora, "I voted for you."

"Really?" Chris said sarcastically. "I honestly had _no _idea."

"Anyway, why should you get this award? Didn't you, like, commit suicide?" Sora asked.

"If I recall correctly," said Axel, "it was _your _ass I was saving."

"No, you did it because you wanted to see Roxas again," Logan protested.

"Sandwich," Axel said, and Logan shut up.

"I still say it was martyrdom, like Axel said," Erica added.

"What is the difference between suicide and martyrdom?" Sora asked.

"Press coverage," Bridget said, laughing at her own joke.

Nobody else laughed, other than Erica, who chuckled lightly for about five seconds and then stopped.

"Obviously you guys don't listen to Panic! at the Disco," Bridget said, folding her arms.

"I do," Erica said quietly.

XXXXXXXXX

Several hours later, everyone left the arena. Riku, of all people, was holding the trophy high above his head proudly, while Sora and Roxas glared, trailing behind him. The engraving on the trophy simply read "The Best". Which Erica thinks Riku was, is, and always will be.

--------------------

**Chris: **Well, it's been real fun. (Like going to the dentist.) But I've got to go.

**Bridget: **Okay. See you this summer!

--------------------

Well, that's my chapter. Hope you like it, and don't forget to review! Today, I've got some advice too, which is: don't get large drinks and a large popcorn if you're going to be too scared to finish it during the movie. See you in Chapter 31!


	30. Sleep Disturbed

Okay, Bridget here again. I told Erica I'd write a chapter or two while she thinks of an idea, so here we go.

-----------

**Emme: **Hey… everyone…

**Erica: **We're all really tired, so we're going to see what happens if we sleep through a chapter.

**Bridget: **Tell the ducks I'm coming!

**Logan: **ZzZzZzZzZzZz…

**Riku: **Okay, we'll keep everyone under control.

**Sora: **Just give us the notebooks and-

**Bridget: **Not a chance.

**Erica: **Goodnight.

**Emme: **Ditto.

XXXXXXXX

Bridget was sleeping peacefully in her recently cleaned room. She had a room towards the inside of the castle, so there were no windows to let in light and keep her awake. Once she hit the soft bed, Bridget had been out like a light. Of course, it was pretty hard to get in a good sleep with so many fictional characters around, and she was awake an hour later.

There was a loud knock at her door, so Bridget got up to cross the room and scream at whatever bubblehead was trying to wake her up. As soon as she opened the door, a bright flash erupted. When the spots cleared from her vision, she saw that it was Kairi, holding a camera.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Bridget asked.

"Taking pictures for the Kingdom Hearts Awards Yearbook," she responded. "What do you call that look?"

"I call it my pajamas. Give me the damn camera!" Bridget yelled.

Kairi grinned evilly. "If you want this, you have to catch me."

Even as tired and groggy as she was, Bridget was still much faster than Kairi, and had swiped the camera in a matter of seconds. She erased the pictured before Kairi even noticed the camera was gone.

"Huh?"

"Can I go now?" Bridget asked. She didn't wait for an answer; she slammed the door in Kairi's face and bolted through the dark room for her bed. Kairi screamed in frustration outsider her door, but this only caused Bridget to smile slightly as she drifted off to sleep once more…

Only to be woken up again, this time by someone breathing in her face. She swatted her hand in the direction it was coming from. When it didn't stop, Bridget sat up slowly, causing something painful to come into contact with her eye. Bridget yelled and covered that eye with her hand, waiting for her other eye to focus.

"Roxas! What the hell are you doing in my room, and what did you just stab me in the eye with?"

"Oh. I was trying to turn your eyes brown with this Sharpie. It wouldn't have hurt if you hadn't woken up, though," he said.

Bridget seethed. "I like my eyes blue, and just because you did that, I'm going to change _your _eye color!"

"Really? What color?" Roxas asked.

"Black!" Bridget yelled, punching him in the eye.

"Ow!" Roxas ran from the room, holding a hand over his own eye.

Bridget decided that she wasn't tired anymore, and ran after him. Roxas ran to find Axel, unaware that Bridget was following him the whole time.

"Axel!" Roxas cried. He took his hand off of his eye; he now resembled half a panda.

"I told you they'd destroy you if you got on their bad side," he said.

"The Organization didn't do this. Bridget did!" he said hysterically.

Bridget strolled into the room, feigning innocence. Axel looked questioningly at her, as if he couldn't quite believe she would give Roxas a black eye.

"You know that one of your eyes is brown, right? You kinda look like Yuna, with two different eye colors," he said.

Axel had to hold Bridget back so she didn't try to tear Roxas in half. She struggled for about a minute, but then collapsed from exhaustion.

XXXXXXXXX

Erica too, was deep in her room trying to catch up on lost sleep. Of course, this story wouldn't be very important if someone didn't wake her up. So an hour later, her cell phone rang loudly, playing a song she had never heard in her life. She didn't recognize the number calling her either, but once again, if she didn't pick up the phone, it wouldn't be much of a chapter.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, this is Xemnas. We would like to order several hundred extra large mushroom pizzas to this address…" came the voice from the other end.

Erica cut him off. "Xemnas, you idiot! It's Erica!"

"Oh. It is? In that case, I have another question for you," he said.

Erica groaned. "What? You're wasting valuable sleeping time here!"

"Well, if you don't want to hear it…" said Xemnas, trying to sound put off.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?" Erica shouted.

"I'm starting my own reality TV show! I'm sick of teenagers overthrowing my power and using my headquarters against my will, so I-"

"You can't do that," Erica said. "For one thing that would be copying me, Bridget, and X-Zee, and for another, if you invite everyone on KH Awards, we're going to overthrow you anyway."

"Fine, crush all my hopes and dreams!" Xemnas sobbed.

Erica snapped her phone shut, unable to handle any more of Xemnas's whining. She flopped back down against her pillow, trying to get some more sleep before the next intruder arrived. As you all may know by now, the next person arrived an hour later.

Demyx knocked sheepishly on the door, not wanting to wake Erica, but something was really troubling him. Erica answered the door on the third knock.

"Hey," she said tiredly.

"Hi, Erica. Look I'm really sorry to bother you, but I can't seem to find my sitar anywhere. Have you seen it?" he asked worriedly.

"Oh, yeah. I took it from Bridget's room while we were cleaning it up," she said, walking to her closet to retrieve the sitar.

"Thanks. Why did Bridget have it?" Demyx asked.

Erica shrugged, managing a tired smile. "Nobody knows. I'm not even sure Bridget knew what she was doing with it."

"Okay, well, thanks again." Demyx turned to leave.

"Demyx, before you go, can you do something for me?" Erica asked.

"Yeah, sure."

Demyx played a quiet, slow melody that gently lulled Erica back to sleep. Then he got up and left, but not before grabbing Erica's notebook off the dresser.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emme tossed and turned in her sleep, throwing several pillows off her bed, and then crossing the room to retrieve them five minutes later when she woke up. Finally she went to bed, but she woke up realizing that something was not quite right. A light shone under a door that led into her bathroom.

So she got up again to go shut the light off, but she also heard a sound that might either be the clicking of a pen, or the dripping of a leaky faucet. Either way, she was going to hurt whatever was making the sound. She gripped the doorknob and turned it.

"Naminé! What the fucking hell are you doing in my bathroom?" she shouted.

Naminé was perched on the edge of a bathtub, casually making a sketch as if this were a completely normal thing to do.

"I always come in here to think," she said, unfazed.

"Why?"

Naminé shrugged. "Your room's been empty for the last couple chapters, so there was nobody in it. I come in when I want to be alone."

"That's… that's really weird. Now get out of my room, you bitch!" Emme yelled.

She continued to click her pen, not paying attention to Emme. This irritated Emme, so she grabbed the sketchbook and stared at it for a few seconds.

"Hey! That's mine!" Naminé whined, jumping up to grab the notebook from Emme, who was several inches taller.

"This is my room, so, tough," Emme said. She tossed it over her shoulder after a couple minutes. Naminé caught it just before it landed in the tub full of water.

"Get out," Emme ordered. Naminé obediently left, fearing what else might happen to her precious sketchbook if she stayed.

With Naminé gone, Emme headed back for her bed, trying to sleep once more. It didn't last very long. This time when she woke up, she quickly went to her door, prepared to swear off whoever was bugging her. She opened the door, surprised to find a teary-eyed Marluxia on the other side.

"Someone stole my CD collection!" he wailed.

"That's great. Go fuck yourself," Emme said, uncaring.

"Fine, I will, but first I need to find my music."

Emme was horrified at the mental images that last statement gave her, but agreed to help so everyone would leave her in peace. But she didn't actually plan on working; she just grabbed her notebook and scribbled a few lines. Marluxia's CD collection appeared on her bed.

She gasped in horror at his awful taste in music. "Hilary Duff, Fergie, Carrie Underwood, The Pussycat Dolls… What that fuck?"

And with that, she shoved Marluxia out of her room, throwing his many terrible CDs after him. She promptly returned to her bed and fell back asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Logan wasn't sleeping very well either. He was trapped in an awful nightmare about his hours stuck inside Parasite Cage with Pinocchio. Oh, how he hated puppets… His irrational fear of puppets was mostly Bridget's fault however, because when he was just a baby and she was 5, she would dangle a particularly frightening puppet above his crib because it made him cry.

He woke up as something rolled over on top of him. Logan realized with a sickening feeling that it was Sephiroth. Luckily, he was asleep, so Logan quietly wrote in his notebook to make him disappear. Unfortunately, however, it took him a bit too long to spell Sephiroth's name correctly, and everyone knows that you have to spell their names right for notebooks to work.

So Sephiroth woke up before Logan finished writing. But we all know that Sephiroth isn't very smart. The first thing he noticed was that his name was spelled incorrectly. He picked up the notebook and wrote his name right, then vanished.

"Thanks, moron," Logan said, grabbing the notebook out of thin air as Sephiroth left.

He went back to sleep again, this time thinking about pleasant things, like little bunnies committing suicide when they just didn't want to live anymore. Logan counted one, two, three, four bunnies jumping off cliffs before he slipped back into a dreamless sleep.

This time when he woke up, Sora was talking to him, not realizing he was asleep.

"What does he have that I don't?" asked Sora as Logan regained consciousness.

"Who?"

"Bridget's friend, Chris," Sora answered.

"He doesn't have anything that you don't have," Logan answered sleepily.

"But what does Bridget see in him?" Sora persisted.

"She doesn't like him, they're just friends." Logan considered this for a minute. "Of course, Bridget's a better liar then you, so she probably does like him."

"That's not helping," Sora said glumly.

"You know what? I'm really not in the mood to be helpful, because what Bridget told me about Disturbia gave me nightmares, and I'm really tired. Besides, Chris isn't coming back, so don't even worry yourself about that."

"Okay," Sora said, getting up and leaving.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Did you get the notebook?" Kairi asked Demyx.

"Yep."

"Good, here's your cookie," she said.

Demyx handed over the notebook and left, and Naminé entered the room. "What now, Boss?"

"Oh, most definitely something evil…" Kairi said malevolently.

------------------------

Another cliffhanger! What will happen now that Kairi and Naminé are in possession of the notebook again? Why did Demyx sell his soul for a cookie? Who uses Sharpies to change people's eye color? And why am I asked you all these questions? Please review, no flames. Oh, and about Marluxia's CDs… I apologize if you like those artists. I don't, but that's my opinion, and you will be ignored if you complain.


	31. Twilight Dance

Umm, I finally got an idea for my chapter, so now I'm writing this one. Sorry I'm throwing the whole order of the chapters off, but oh well. And if you hadn't already guessed this is Erica.

--------

"I don't get it; we have the notebooks, why won't they work!" Naminé yelled.

"We have to have all the notebooks," Kairi said, going through her list of the notebooks, "We have both of Emme's, the only one of Logan's, all of Bridget's including the ones with pictures and comics too, and all of Erica's pointless stories about vampires and wizards. We should have them all! Why won't they work!?"

---------

Erica sat drawing a picture of Riku shirtless in her most secretive notebook that only two and a half people have ever seen (I say half 'cause one of them has no soul). This notebook contained her inner most private and deep thoughts, well, that, and a bunch of pictures of anime guys shirtless.

Logan did his best to build a card tower, but every time he got to the top they all fell down, courtesy of Erica's notebook.

"Got any threes?" Sora asked.

"Nope, go fish," Riku said as Sora picked up another card. Sora had half the deck in his hand, Riku only had two cards, and both of them were threes.

"Hey guys, how did things go?" Bridget asked, coming in through the door, "Wait, you were supposed to babysit the Organization while I was gone, where are they?"

"Oh, I know exactly where they all are, I gave them their horoscopes, which was actually a copy of the lyrics to "That's Your Horoscope for Today" by Weird Al. I made four of them cry and the rest are trying to fulfill their horoscopes, they should be no trouble," Erica said, putting down her notebook and standing up.

"Yep, Roxas, Marluxia, Saix, and Luxord are crying. Xaldin is face down in the mud; Lexaeus is eating tuna flavored pudding, but after that you might want to keep him away from the copying machine. And I think Demyx is still working on his self esteem," Riku said as he took two threes away from Sora.

"They are laughing _with_ you, not at you," Demyx said as he walked by talking to a mirror.

"Xigbar is playing whack-a-mole, so he should be good for another sixteen hours. Xemnas is dancing non stop, and Axel is helping Vexen burn javelins while trying to find an albino dwarf," Logan said, as he started to rebuild his card tower.

"Okay, is there anything else I should know?" Bridget asked while Erica put her coat on.

"Um, yeah, Zexion thinks everyone is out to get him, so he's trying to kill us all," Sora pointed out.

"And what about Larxene?" Bridget asked.

"She's uh… on vacation… in Riku's closet… taped to the ceiling," Erica said, forgetting her notebook on the table, "Now I'm off, have fun!"

"Wait, where are you going?" Riku asked.

"Umm, the all girls, no boys allowed, don't eat meat, umm, blood drive, got to go, bye," Erica said as she rushed out the door.

"Did that seem suspicious to any one else?" Riku asked.

Logan and Bridget burst out laughing.

"Should we tell him?" Logan asked.

"Better yet, let's show him! Let's round up all the Organization members, we've got plans!" Bridget ordered.

Two hours later, all of the Organization stood in front of Bridget and Logan, as they were taught how to tie ties, and over all, not kill each other. Logan pulled Bridget aside.

"Should we feel bad about crashing Erica's prom?" Logan asked.

"No, 'cause it's not her prom, it's her "Twilight Dance", and what's twilight without Nobodies? Prom is for juniors and seniors, plus it's later in the year, Erica still has tons of school left," Bridget said. "No Axel! Don't strangle Roxas with your tie!"

"Demyx, the tie goes around your neck, not you head," Logan complained.

At least another hour later the Organization plus Sora, Riku, Logan, and Bridget burst into the school gym, where many students were dancing with their dates. Erica was the first one Riku saw and he immediately stormed over, gave her his jacket to cover the sleeveless dress and started a fistfight with her "date".

"Oh no, this is all wrong!" Luxord said, "First thing first, the teachers have to go!" And with that he and several other Organization members stormed off.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Erica demanded of Bridget and Logan as Demyx plugged in an electric guitar and began tuning it.

"We're fixing the party!" Bridget said happily.

"It wasn't broken!" Erica yelled.

"Hey!!!!!! Scotty doesn't know, that Fiona and me…" Demyx began to sing, and surprisingly some of Erica's fellow students started a mosh pit with Marluxia.

"Where is Axel!?" Erica demanded, "And will someone please stop Riku from killing my date!"

------

"Are you sure your name isn't Lea?" Axel asked.

"No, its Robert," the freakishly tall, red haired, random student said.

"It's not Ela?"

"No, it's Robert."

"What about Lae?"

"No, it's ROBERT!"

"Come along Axel, we have a job for you," Vexen said pulling Axel away right as Erica arrived to apologize to the random student.

--------

"You ruined my dance!" Erica complained to Bridget.

"I think we made it better!" Bridget said smiling.

It was true, the students seemed to be having a much better time now that Demyx had taken the stage, Axel had lit fires all around the room, Vexen had used dry ice around Demyx's feet to look like fog, and Larxene had fixed the lights so they flashed like a strobe light. Over all it looked very much like a rave. Riku and Sora were being passed around on people's shoulders as the crowd cheered for Demyx. In the corner Luxord had set up a poker table where kids seemed to be betting any random object they had in their pockets, needless to say, Luxord was winning. Xaldin and Xigbar were taking turns shredding the Hollywood themed decorations to make the scene look even more like a rave and Saix ran a face-painting booth in the corner. (It's not a rave if there isn't face-painting !) Xemnas was leading the dancing crowd over by the speakers that had apparently come out of nowhere. Zexion seemed to be having the most fun; he had found a crowd of emo girls and was now being admired.

"I bet no one understands you," one of the girls cooed.

"They're all fucking hypocrites any way," another one said.

"OMG! Your hair even does that flippy thing, like the guy from that band! You're like, so my date!"

"No, he's mine!" another one said as they entered a scratch fight with their black nails.

"Bridget! Erica!" Zexion called, "THANK YOU!"

------

Only one floor away all the teachers and chaperones were being held in the math room in the upstairs hallway.

"Make it stop!" one of them yelled.

"I don't want another pretty face. I don't want just anyone to hold. I don't want my love to go to waste. I want you and your beautiful soul," Roxas sung, as Lexaeus stood in front of the door.

---------

"Well, I guess you did make it better," Erica finally said.

"Speak for yourself," Erica's date said, holding an ice pack to his eye.

"Where are the dance chaperones?" Erica asked.

"Who cares!?" Bridget laughed.

"I can never be normal can I?" Erica asked.

"Nope, you're with us now!" Logan said.

"Why would you want to be normal?" Bridget added.

"Well, a good friend would come and make the dance better, but a best friend…" Erica began.

"…Would be sitting right next to you in detention saying 'Damn, guess we better not do that again.' I'll see you two on Monday after school, everybody who does not attend this school and is over eighteen, GET OUT!" Erica's principal yelled.

"Well, it was fun when it lasted," Bridget said dragging her brother out of the school.

--------

Meanwhile…

"I thought one was missing!" Naminé said, grabbing Erica's last notebook.

"Wow, these are her deepest thoughts?" Kairi said, reading over Naminé's shoulder.

"'I want a root beer float'?" Naminé read aloud.

"Well, they can't all be winners, let's go!" Kairi said dragging her away.

------

Now we all win. Bridget still gets to write her chapter about what Naminé and Kairi do with the notebooks, and I still got one done. Ok, so for another piece of advice: writing your notes with a quill and ink like in the old days sounds fun at first, but it loses its glory really fast after you spill ink all over your teacher. Oh, and I _guess_ I'm sorry for the emo stereotype.


	32. Notebook Pageant?

Bridget, again. I'm back! And since you know that Kairi and Naminé have the notebooks, I'm not going to waste time in telling you the woeful story of what happened.

------------------------

**Bridget: **(singing) Hey, hey! You, you! I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one! Hey, hey! You, you! I could be your girlfriend!

**Erica: **I can't believe you guys did that…

**Roxas: **Can we go to your school more often? It's more fun to torture math teachers than it is to brainwash Logan.

**Riku: **I would have gone to the dance with you!

**Sora: **Bridget, whose girlfriend don't you like?

**Logan: **Not that I don't appreciate the value of a random conversation (not that we don't have them ALL the time) but, we should definitely start the chapter now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, today the first award we're giving out is the **Most Annoying Person to Be Woken Up By **Award," Bridget said.

"And the nominees are:" Erica announced.

"Hold it!" Kairi asked as she and Naminé walked up on stage.

"What?" asked Erica, irritated that she had been cut off, especially since Kairi and Naminé had both been nominated for this award.

"Do you mind?" Emme asked. "We're trying to give an award here."

"Yes, actually, we do mind. We're in charge," Naminé said, holding Erica's notebook.

"Not again!" Bridget groaned.

"And our first order of business will be… shopping!" Kairi squealed.

"Oh, dear God," Erica said, her face visibly paling.

"Yes," Naminé added excitedly. "We can go to Hollister, Abercrombie, and American Eagle, and…" She paused, noticing that Erica had passed out, similar to Zexion feinting at the sight of happiness.

"No fucking way," Bridget said.

Emme looked excited, but only about the shopping. She wasn't too happy about being dragged along by Kairi and Naminé. Erica had regained consciousness again, and gave both Bridget and Emme a look that said "Don't let them have my notebook, and don't make me go alone."

"Fine," Emme said. "But I won't like it!"

"Good, that's the point," Kairi said.

"So, anyway," Logan tried to wrap up the award ceremony, "the winner is Sora, because only he would come into my room in the middle of the night to bitch about a guy."

Kairi and Naminé dragged off their victims, all three of them screaming and writhing in pain as if their touch burned. The audience looked on helplessly, though the only people who cared were Sora and Riku. So Kairi and Naminé dragged our heroines to the Mall of Doom (yes, the same mall they got kicked out of during the Christmas chapters).

"You know," Sora said, "it wasn't really bitching. It was more like seeking advice from the young and stupid."

"And in my case," Logan countered, "it was being woken up to give advice to the old and stupid that apparently have a thing for redheads. Kairi, Bridget, and yes, even Ginny."

Riku glanced back and forth between the two. "Video games, anyone?"

"Sure."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emme, Erica, and Bridget came back five hours later, heavily burdened with shopping bags that were full of stuff only Kairi and Naminé would want. Because every thing in every bag was for them.

Riku looked up from a book with a lock on it. "Hey, you're back!"

"Riku… what is that?" Bridget asked, referring to the book.

"It's your diary."

"For the millionth time, I don't have a freaking diary!" she said.

"Oh, maybe it's Naminé's. There's an awful lot of stuff about Roxas in here…" Riku trailed off.

Bridget gave him a what-the-hell? gesture.

"You know," Erica cut in, hoping to stop a potential fight, "for someone who's so busy stealing other people's notebooks, she doesn't seem to do a very good job of hiding her own secrets."

"Hey, I see what you're saying," Riku said.

"We're going to blackmail her into giving us the notebooks back!" Bridget put two and two together.

"That's… actually a decent plan," Emme admitted.

"Or it was," said Axel, coming in and stealing Naminé's diary.

"What are you doing?" Erica yelled.

"I'm helping the chapter along. If you stopped them now, this wouldn't be a very long chapter. Besides, I want to see what evil they have in store for you guys."

And with that, Axel left the room, taking their bargaining chip with them. Kairi's voice screeched over the intercom, telling everyone to come to the theater (where we've been having the awards since we were evicted). Bridget, Erica, Emme, Logan, Sora, and Riku made their way downstairs.

"So, why did you assume it was my diary?" Bridget asked.

Sora tried to buy time for him. "Have you never seen the movie Bridget Jones's Diary?"

For once in her life, Bridget ignored Sora. (gasp!) "Well, Riku?"

"In some countries, giving people a black eye is a sign of affection," Riku said.

"Well, in my country, a black eye means "You got what was coming to you"." Bridget scowled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We are met on a great battlefield-" Kairi began.

"It's a competition, not the Civil War," Naminé corrected.

"Whatever. At any rate, we are competing with Emme, Erica, and Bridget for control of the fanfiction," Kairi finished.

"We're doing what!?" Bridget yelled.

"Nobody told us about that!" Erica shouted.

"Guys, don't sweat it. There's 3 of us and only 2 of them, plus, we could kick their asses even without that advantage," Emme said proudly.

"Sure you can," Naminé said bitterly. "In the meantime, let's start!"

**Competition #1: Fashion**

"You have got to be kidding me," Erica said, staring at the eyesore of a dress she was supposed to wear.

"You're telling me," complained Bridget, lifting up a pink and purple monstrosity.

"I would look like a hooker if I wore this," Emme stated. "Go figure that Naminé and Kairi were the ones that picked these out, huh?"

"You guys know what to do, right?" Bridget asked.

"Right. One, two, three!" Erica yelled. On the count of three, Erica, Emme, and Bridget threw their dresses into the trash can, deciding to model the "come as you are" look.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And there goes Kairi… wearing the sluttiest dress I have ever seen in my life," Logan said, bored.

"And here comes Naminé… wearing a boring white dress. I think it might be like… a bridal gown from hell," Riku stated. Sora had actually fallen asleep.

Kairi and Naminé stormed off the makeshift runway. Of all the people they could have picked for judges, they had chosen the three that would side with Bridget, Emme, and Erica.

"Wait! Here comes Erica, showing "school spirit" in her Slytherin T-shirt. And I have never seen someone use duct tape to patch their jeans before! To top it all off, she's wearing Converse with skulls on them!" Riku said excitedly.

Erica beamed, quickly running down the walkway, and going back behind the curtain. Bridget came out (or rather, Emme pushed her out while she decided what to wear).

"Bridget's showing that Aeropostale is not just for preps in her "I Like the Boys in the Band" T-Shirt. And her jeans have holes in the knees! Oh, that's a nice belt. And uh… she's wearing her black Vans!" Sora shouted.

Bridget walked back to the curtain and ducked behind it. Emme stepped out, and skipped down the runway.

"Here's Emme! And she's wearing… clothes!" Logan announced.

Emme pulled off one of her boots and chucked it at him.

"What? They're nice clothes," he muttered.

Satisfied, Emme grabbed her boot back and ran back behind the curtain.

"This concludes the "Fashion Show"," yelled Riku. "And uh… by the crowd's reaction, it's pretty obvious that Erica, Emme, and Bridget are the winners!"

**Competition #2: Singing**

"What can we do to make them mad this time?" asked Emme.

"I know! We could sing _good _music!" Erica volunteered.

"Better! We could sing _guy _songs!" Bridget added.

"Or better yet," Emme said, "we could sing _good guy _songs!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"When my world goes crazy, you won't let go. When the ground gets shaky, you kept me hope. When I try to push you away, you never move. Now when I start doubtin', you help me see. There's a strength, and a life, and a power in me. You believe there ain't nothing I can't do. My hero is you. Yeah, my hero is you," Kairi wailed.

At the judges' stand, Logan was smacking his head on the table, Sora had his hands over his ears, and Riku was calmly listening to his iPod. About half of the captive audience had passed out, and the other half was in the fetal position rocking back and forth.

"Oh. Is it over?" asked Riku.

Sora and Logan nodded, envying Riku for remembering what a horrible singer Kairi was and bringing protection from its damaging effects.

"Well, don't get your hopes up," Riku said to Kairi. "Our next singer is… Naminé."

Naminé snatched the microphone and took the stage.

"Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I've become comfortably numb, until you opened up my eyes to what it's like, when everything's right. I can't believe… you found me when no one else was looking. How did you know just where I would be? Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion .The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave. I guess that you saw what nobody could see. You found me," Naminé sang.

Unfortunately for Emme, Erica, and Bridget, her voice was nowhere near as awful as Kairi's.

"Um… thanks. She'll be a tough one to beat," Logan announced. "And now… Emme!"

"Hey j- j- jaded, you got your mama's style but you're yesterday's child to me. So jaded.

You think that's where it's at but, is that where it's supposed to be? You're gettin' it all over me, X-rated. My, my baby blue. Yeah I been thinkin' about you. My, my baby blue

Yeah you're so jaded. And I'm the one that jaded you!" Emme belted out.

Her voice wasn't terrible like Kairi's either. She bowed, and dropped the microphone. Bridget came forward and picked it up.

"It's the perfect time of day to throw all your cares away. Put the sprinkler on the lawn, and run through with my gym shorts on. Take a drink right from the hose. And change into some drier clothes. Climb the stairs up to my room. Sleep away the afternoon," Bridget sang.

Much to Sora and Riku's surprise, Logan was mouthing the words with her. They stared.

"What? I like this song too. Every time we're in the car with our dad, this song always comes on. When it's just the three of us. It has to be like fate or something," he explained.

"Whatever. And finally… Erica!" Riku yelled.

"She's a good girl, loves her mamma, loves Jesus, and America too. She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis, loves horses, and her boyfriend too. And it's a long day, livin' in Reseda, there's a freeway, runnin' through the yard. And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't even miss her, I'm a bad boy, for breaking. And I'm free, free falling. Yeah, I'm free, free falling!" Erica sang.

"Riku, are you crying?" Sora asked.

"No!" Riku sniffed.

"Sure. Well, once again, by the audience's reaction, Bridget, Erica, and Emme win!" Sora shouted.

**Competition #3: Relay Race**

"How did we go from girly stuff to a relay race?" Emme asked.

"Leon insisted," Erica said. Then she groaned, for Erica did not like running.

"Thank you, Leon!" Bridget yelled.

"Well, I guess the only thing we can do now is just be better than them," Erica said.

"Tada! We already are!" Emme cheered.

"That's true," agreed Bridget.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, so for our third and final challenge, Erica, Bridget, Emme, Kairi, Naminé, and Selphie are competing in a relay race!" Logan yelled.

"Why Selphie?" Emme asked.

"I suppose they needed another annoying person for the three-way race," Logan guessed.

"Well, anyway, first Naminé and Erica will run with batons to hand them off to Kairi and Bridget. Bridget and Kairi will skateboard to Emme and Selphie. Selphie and Emme will then jump rope to the finish line. First one there wins!" Riku announced.

Everybody lined up at their respective starting places. Sora gripped a flag in one hand.

"On-your-mark-get-set-go," Sora said flatly.

"That wasn't very enthusiastic," Naminé argued.

"Just go. Look, Erica already started!" Sora shouted.

Naminé took off running as fast as she could (which was not very fast) and attempted to catch up with Erica. Erica was about halfway to the next checkpoint when Naminé finally caught up. Naminé was passed by a turtle, isn't that sad? Erica quickly tossed to baton to Bridget, who fumbled with it, then caught it.

Bridget wasn't terribly gifted at skateboarding. She had to keep one foot on the board, and keep the other on the ground at all times to push her forward and make sure she didn't fall. Of course, Kairi wasn't much better, because when she put her foot down on the board, it flew up and hit her face.

Using this to her advantage, Bridget made her way, slowly but surely, to the last checkpoint. Upon reaching it, she passed the baton to Emme, who stuffed it in her pocket to pick up the jump rope. Kairi hadn't moved very much since she got on the skateboard, so Emme was in luck. Unfortunately, Naminé saw how badly they were losing and ran forward (again, slowly) to give Kairi a push.

And then Kairi crashed into Selphie, who took off. There was some debate at the judges' table over whether this was cheating, but eventually it was decided that it was far too interesting to stop. Selphie was hard at work catching up to Emme, when suddenly – _she tripped on a turtle! _

As Selphie fell, Emme crossed the finish line. Kairi and Naminé were both sprawled out on the ground. Erica and Bridget rushed to the finish line to accept their "prizes".

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, for Erica, Emme, and Bridget, you get these shiny medals, and all of your notebooks back!" Riku announced.

"And for Kairi and Naminé, um… you can keep this turtle," said Sora.

Kairi and Naminé started at it with disgust, so Logan took the turtle instead.

"Hey, give us the notebooks back!" Bridget yelled, attempting to pry a sky blue one out of Kairi's arms.

"Axel! Can we have it back now?" Erica shouted.

Axel walked on stage and handed the diary to Erica, who held it high above her head.

"Give us back the notebooks!"

"Or what?" questioned Kairi.

"Is that my diary?" Naminé screeched.

"Yeah, so give us back the notebooks or-" Emme began.

"No!" Kairi yelled.

Riku took the diary from Erica. "We didn't want to do this, but-"

"Yeah, we did," Bridget interrupted.

Riku used a high, falsetto voice, imitating Naminé. "Dear diary: I said last week that I loved Roxas, but I think I might be wrong, lately I have been having strange feelings for-"

"Okay, we give!" Naminé shrieked, throwing the notebooks to their respective owners and grabbing her diary. Her face a bright red, she hurried out of the room.

"Hey, Riku, what did that last sentence say?" Erica asked.

"You don't want to know."

Bridget shrugged. "We'll take your word for that."

----------------------

Okay, there's my chapter. And for the record, no one will ever know what Naminé's diary said. They might take her away from the show and put her in a mental asylum, and then how would we torture and make fun of her? See you in Chapter 34!

Songs:

"Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne

"My Hero is You" by Hayden Panettiere

"You Found Me" by Kelly Clarkson

"Jaded" by Aerosmith

"Pinch Me" by the Barenaked Ladies

"Free Falling" by Tom Petty


	33. April Fools' Day, 26 days late

Well, Erica again, nothing else to say right now.

**-------------------------------**

**Erica**: For those of you who haven't checked your calendars, today is Hug an Australian Day! To those of our readers who are Australian, we hug you! (pulls out a picture of Heath Ledger and hugs it)

**Riku**: I believe the phrase is 'We salute you'.

**Bridget**: Yep, she's weird, but we wouldn't want it any other way

**Sora**: (hugs a stuffed koala bear)

------

"We missed it!" Demyx yelled, running down the stairs into the meeting hall where a very important meeting was being held.

"So you see," Erica announced, "I think that painting the downstairs walls yellow would give off a cheerful persona, and that's really not what Organization is all about is it? That's why I think we should go with navy blue."

"We missed it!" Demyx repeated.

"Missed what?" Zexion said standing up from his chair in the meeting hall.

"April Fools' Day! We missed it! It's now April 26th!" Demyx said, brandishing a calendar.

"How could we have missed it?" Marluxia asked, looking at the calendar.

"I don't see what the big deal is here, it's just April Fools' Day, where you get pinched if you don't wear green," Sora said.

"No, that's Saint Patrick's Day! April Fools' Day is when you go around playing pranks on everyone. Besides Halloween and the Superior's birthday it's our most important holiday!" Axel said, taking the calendar away from Marluxia.

"Well, Organization, you know what this means, don't you? It looks like April Fools' Day came a bit late this year," Xemnas said, walking out of the meeting hall.

"Uh oh," Logan said.

"What? What's uh oh?" Erica asked.

"You really don't see what's wrong with the Organization playing pranks on each other?" Bridget asked.

"Uh oh," Erica said.

-------------

The first attack was unexpected, and it came from Demyx and Vexen, an unlikely pair.

"I think I'll go for a swim, it's supposed to relax the nerves," Erica said, as she Bridget and Logan walked the castle with an umbrella over their heads, nervous about who would make their first move.

"How about a bubble bath?" Riku asked, from under the hood of his rain jacket.

"Riku! That's gross!" Bridget cut in.

"Why?" Riku asked, pointing towards the pool that had been filled with soap, with a small rubber duck floating on top. As Organization custom would have it, Demyx and Vexen had signed their names on the wall, claiming this as their prank.

"Wow, that's all they got?" Bridget asked, "Logan can do better then that!"

"Something isn't right," Logan pointed out, "I can see where Demyx came in, but what did Vexen do?"

"Ducky!" Sora and Erica exclaimed at the same time as they ran head first off the diving board.

KERTHUNK!

"That's not water!" Sora said as he lay holding his head, surrounded by bubbles, on top of a three-foot thick sheet of ice.

"Ducky!" Erica exclaimed as she cradled the rubber duck in her arms (Erica collects rubber ducks.)

"Ouch, that had to hurt," Riku said.

"We have to stop this!" Logan said, "They could seriously hurt someone!"

"No, don't you see how we can use this… we'll give out a **Best Prankster Award**!" Bridget said happily helping Sora out of the pool, that is now back to it's original ice skating rink!

---------

The next prank was worse, and it came from Roxas and Xigbar.

As luck would have it Erica was on her way to her room, to put the newest member of her rubber duck clan away when she and Bridget came across a most peculiar scene.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! Pigs? How did they get in here?" Bridget asked.

"Don't hurt them, they don't know any bett- are they tracking mud all over my clean floors?!"

"Well, now can we hurt them?" Bridget asked.

"You'll have to catch them first!" Sora said, leaping after the pigs.

Luckily Roxas and Xigbar had made it easy and labeled the pigs with numbers, 1 through 4, soon Erica, Bridget, and Sora had gathered all the pigs into a pen, well, three of them, anyway. They spent the next two hours trying to find pig labeled number three, until they came across the kitchen with Riku and Logan in it.

"You drink it first," Riku said offering Logan a glass of what looked kind of like orange juice, but might have been paint.

"Have you guys seen a pig wearing the number three on its back run by here?" Erica asked.

"How long have you spent looking for this alleged 'pig'?" Riku asked with a grin.

"About two hours, why?" Bridget said.

"Because that's the oldest trick in the book, there are only three pigs, they skipped the number three and went right to four because they wanted to confuse you. The pigs aren't the prank, the hours wasted looking for the 'missing' one is," Logan explained.

Erica proceeded to spit out every cuss word she knew while Bridget smiled to her self.

"The little sons of a bitches! Well, it appears they are our winners so far!" Bridget said.

"I forgot ducky!" Erica yelled running back down stairs and right into the next prank.

As they reached the ground level and Erica picked up her prized duck, a commotion broke out on the balcony above. Saix and Luxord were standing above them on the balcony fighting over something.

"I can't believe you would say that about me!" Saix screamed.

"Why not, it's true!" Luxord fought back.

"Oh you little BASTARD!" Saix screamed, and with a push sent Luxord hurling off the balcony.

With a splat and a very gruesome display of a red substance splattering everywhere the body hit the ground.

Bridget was at a loss for words as Luxord lay completely disfigured, and defiantly dead, next to the unconscious form of Erica. (Did we mention Erica is very squeamish?)

"Oh my gosh," Sora said, looking at his fallen enemy.

"I call his stereo!" Logan yelled.

"No! I wanted that! Well I call dibs on his CD collection!" Sora said.

"Guys, he's just died! Show some respect!" Bridget exclaimed, "and as authoresses of this story, me and Erica get all that stuff."

"RIKU! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Erica yelled as she regained consciousness to find Riku eating what looked like Luxord's intestines.

"Try some, it's good," he offered her some.

"CANNIBAL!" she screamed.

"No, it's just Jell-o," Bridget said bending down and picking some up.

At that time they herd the muffled laughter of Luxord and Saix standing on the platform above. That's about the same time they realized that it was just a Jell-o filled dummy that had fallen from the balcony.

"Guess we win?" Saix asked.

"Yes, let's just go to my room and get the trophy," Bridget said, as Logan helped Erica out of the corner as she screamed her head off.

So, everyone headed back to Erica and Bridget's rooms, which were right above the swimming pool, now ice skating rink, and coincidently in the same hall.

Bridget walked into her room to get the trophy while Erica walked into hers to place the newest member of Quackersville on her designated duck shelf.

"That's odd…" Logan trailed off.

"What?" Sora asked

"Axel and Marluxia wrote their names above the girls' bedroom doors," Riku said, coming to a conclusion.

"And for a reason," Axel said smirking as he appeared next to Logan.

"Dude! You have to stop sneaking up on people," Logan said to Axel as Marluxia appeared next to Sora.

"What did you do?" Riku asked.

Erica appeared from her room, and without saying a word went into Bridget's at the same time that Bridget left her room and walked right into Erica's.

"We switched all their stuff. It's still in the exact same place, just different rooms," Axel explained.

"Here, take your stupid trophy!" Bridget said as she appeared from her new room holding the trophy out to Axel, but before she could hand it to him Lexaeus came running down the hall.

"Guys, come quick, it's Zexion!" he screamed pointing towards Zexion's room.

"What is it?" Bridget asked.

"Look at this, I found it tapped to his door," Lexaeus said shoving the note in Bridget's hand.

" 'Mood: apathetic. My life is spiraling downward. I couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry Concert. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You,' and 'Rip Apart My Soul,' and of course, 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab." And it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either, like that guy from that band could do, some days you know. . .'" Erica read aloud.

"It's a suicide note!" Axel yelled racing towards Zexion's room.

"Isn't it just a copy of the emo kid song?" Riku asked as Erica and Bridget raced towards Zexion's room.

"Nonconforming as can be my ass," Sora mumbled.

Erica and Bridget along with Axel arrived at Zexion's door and immediately rushed in. No one noticed that Zexion had written his name along the top of his door.

The three of them burst into the room to find Zexion lying on his bed, eyes closed.

"Is he dead?" Erica asked.

"Please don't let him be dead!" Axel said.

"BOO!" Zexion yelled jumping off the bed towards them.

"That's not funny!" Erica screamed as Axel and Bridget went running from the room, shouting "zombie".

"That's ok, I have my trophy," Zexion said picking up the dropped trophy off his bedroom floor, "now get out of my room!"

As Erica left, slamming the door behind her and leaving Zexion in darkness, he picked up the golden trophy and placed it gently on his shelf next to the **Most Emo Award **and **First Casualty**.

"I love you all equally," he told them before lying back down on his bed and putting on his Hawthorne Heights album.

-------

Oh! But I am sorry to any Vexen fan girls (it's possible) that I left him out of my last chapter and put Marluxia in twice, sorry. Ok, so my advice for today is: there are no affairs in algebra, algebra is pure.


	34. Oh! The Randomness!

Okay, it's Bridget again. I took off that South Park chapter because it was craptastic, sucktacular… whatever. It's gone. So here I am with a better chapter:

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It was a dark and stormy night," Erica read allowed as she typed on her computer. "Severus Snape was-"

She was interrupted by a loud rap at her door. She sighed, got up, and answered it.

"Can you read the signs?" Erica asked, jabbing her thumb at the door.

"Keep Out, No Trespassing, there's even one that says Quarantine!" she continued.

"Yes," Riku said, "But I wasn't under the impression that any of these applied to me."

"Oh. Of course they don't. I thought you were someone else."

"You need to take a break from Snape. You haven't left your room in days. Sunlight is good, Erica," Riku said.

"Oh, fine. Let's go see what Bridget and everyone else are doing," she said, leading him down the hallway.

They walked down the long white hallway in silence. That is until a small hooded person in an orange parka ran up to them and attached herself to Erica.

"Mommy!" the little person cried.

"Bridget!" Erica said.

"Mommy? Bridget?" Riku asked. "Erica, this is not Bridget, and… are you seriously a mom?"

"Um… no. This is my fictional child for Health class. I named her Bridget, and I get her this weekend," Erica explained.

"Wow. That's good to know, I guess," Riku said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Come on," said Erica, hoisting the girl onto her back, "Let's go see everyone else."

-------------------------------

Meanwhile, Logan was eating breakfast in front of a large TV screen, watching some idiotic cartoon with no plot and lots of violence.

"Has anyone seen Bridget?" asked Axel, walking into the room.

"No. We're not on speaking terms, why?" asked Logan.

"I'm supposed to give her this envelope from her school, but first, why aren't you two talking to each other?" Axel asked.

"I threw a shoe at her. I missed, and it hit her soda, which spilled. We got in huge trouble for that."

Axel was not paying attention, because he still refused to forgive Logan for the sandwich incident. He peered inside the envelope, then shook it. A small piece of paper floated to the floor.

"What is it?" Logan asked. "Hogwarts acceptance letter? Certificate of insanity?"

"No, test scores or something. She passed whatever grade she's in," he said, bored.

Logan picked up the sheet of paper. And he got a wonderful, awful idea.

"Hey, Axel, want to help me play a prank on my sister?"

"Sure. What do I have to do?" he asked.

"Just make sure she doesn't beat me up when I'm done," Logan answered.

"Deal."

------------------------------

Bridget, on the other hand, was sleeping in. Her alarm clock was not set to go off until noon, and it was currently 9:00. Which was when Sora came in.

"Bridget!" Sora yelled.

Bridget groaned and put a pillow over her head, and pulled the comforter up until it didn't cover her feet anymore.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?" he asked brightly.

It was too late, Bridget realized. Sora already knew she was awake.

"No, not particularly," she said.

"Why not?" Sora asked.

"I was having a weird dream. It wasn't good, but I'd have liked to see how it ended," she answered.

"Tell me, did this have anything to do with Sharpies, your cousins, or Roxas?" he asked.

"Nope," she said, getting out of bed and walking over to her desk.

Sora caught her arm as she reached for the mouse.

"Hey! I was going to work on my fanfiction!"

"Nope. You and Erica have both been neglecting this fanfiction for far too long, so you have to leave your room to do something other than eat today," he said.

"Fine. Now that I am awake at this obscene hour- Hey! It's still dark outside!" Bridget said.

"Nice try. It's always dark outside here. And it rains a lot, too."

"Well, what should I do?" Bridget asked impatiently.

"I dunno. Let's go see what Erica and Riku are doing."

-------------------------------------

Erica, Riku, and little Bridget were staring at a computer screen.

"I am going to hurt someone the next time someone asks me what my favorite color is," Riku said.

"Do you have a better idea?" asked Erica, clicking another bubble.

They were taking online quizzes (but not at Quizilla) out of pure boredom.

"No," Riku admitted.

"Okay, here are your results: You are… Severus Snape!" Erica announced.

Riku fell out of his chair in shock.

"No more Harry Potter quizzes," he said quietly.

Bridget and Sora walked in, and flicked on the light. Riku and Erica hissed, while little Bridget yelled "The light! It burns!" Sora shut the light back off, and tripped over his own feet trying to cross the dark room.

"You're hopeless," Bridget sighed, helping him up and dragging him across the room.

"Okay, this one's a Kingdom Hearts quiz," Erica said.

Everyone nodded, finally reaching an agreement on what kind of quiz to take.

"First question: Are you competitive?" asked Erica.

"Yes!" Bridget shouted, getting to her feet and knocking the chair over.

Axel, Logan, and Roxas walked into the room.

"You are not competitive," Roxas laughed.

"Wanna bet?"

"Cut it out. Sora, tell Bridget that this came in the mail for her," Logan said, giving him the envelope.

"Bridget, Logan said to tell you that this came in the mail for you," Sora said.

"NO HE DIDN'T!" shouted Logan.

"Just give her the damn envelope!" Erica yelled, clicking away with the mouse.

Bridget snatched the envelope out of Sora's hands and tore it open, regardless of the fact that it wasn't sealed.

"Very funny, Logan," Bridget said, staring at the paper.

"What?" he asked, pretending to be shocked, "That is your real report card!"

"No it's not. For one thing, it's in blue crayon, and for another, you spelled A+ wrong."

She beamed.

"Stupid over achiever," Axel murmured.

"So, are you competitive or not?" Erica asked loudly.

Bridget shouted "yes" at the same time Roxas shouted "no".

"It's Bridget's question, stupid," Riku said irritably.

"Put yes!" Bridget said.

Erica clicked yes.

"Put no!" Roxas said.

Erica faked like she was about to click no, but she clicked yes again just to spite him.

"Stop fighting!" Little Bridget yelled.

"Or at least take it outside," Logan agreed.

"Fine! To the badminton court!" Bridget yelled.

"When did we get a badminton court?" asked Riku.

"When did badminton become a competitive sport?" Roxas asked.

"Why is everyone asking all these stupid questions?" asked Axel.

"Why don't we all go along to get some fresh air?" asked Erica, logging off the computer.

"What about the quiz?" asked Sora.

"Forget the quiz! It's too crowded in here anyway!"

"But badminton is not competitive!" Roxas shouted.

"It is the way I play it," said Bridget, kicking him in the shin.

-------------------------------------

"What are you doing?" Riku asked Erica.

"Working on my video gamer's tan," answered Erica, staring at a Gameboy Advance.

"What game?"

"Chain of Memories," she said.

She pressed the buttons rapidly for a second, and then threw the game down.

"Stupid Axel! Stupid Sora!"

"Hey!" they both shouted.

"Sorry, Axel, I didn't mean that," she apologized.

"What about me?" asked Sora.

"What about you?"

"So," said Logan, trying to break up the fight, "What is the point of badminton?"

"The real badminton, or Bridget's way of playing it?" asked Erica.

"Wait, never mind, they're starting," Logan said.

Bridget served the badminton birdie… at Roxas's head. Then she threw down her racket and cheered.

"Ow!" Roxas yelled.

"I win!" Bridget shouted.

"What was the point of that?" Sora asked.

"The objective of Bridget's way of badminton is that Bridget always wins. Right, Little Bridget?" Erica asked.

"I win!" she said happily.

"She learned new words!" Riku said.

"Hold on, I've got an idea!" Axel shouted.

"What?" Logan asked.

"Competitive cake baking!" Axel said, grabbing Erica's arm and dragging her to the kitchen.

"Um… what now?" asked Bridget, approaching the group.

"Well, we could find some tadpoles and name them…" started Logan.

"Tadpoles only end in misery," noted Sora, who was staring a shaken looking Bridget.

"Why did you have to die, Axel?" she yelled as she curled into a ball on the ground.

"You had a tadpole named Axel?" asked Little Bridget.

"You know, I heard that Marluxia was growing some man-eating plants. We could push Roxas into them…" Riku began.

"Riku, you said they were man-eating," Logan said slyly.

"You guys are jerks!" Roxas pouted.

"If you want sympathy, go find the fangirls. Or Naminé. I'm not talking to her because someone drew a fanart of her about to break my arm with a very painful looking chain," Sora said.

"Fine."

Roxas left, leaving Logan, Riku, Sora, Bridget, and Little Bridget in peace. Riku picked up Little Bridget, and they began the long hike up to the kitchen.

----------------------------

"Okay," Erica said, "We think it would be fun to see if you guys can tell whose cake is whose."

"Cake! Where?" asked Bridget.

"Over here," said Axel, steering the group towards the two cakes.

Erica cut everyone one slice from each cake, and handed them all plates.

"I've got it!" Bridget shouted.

"This cake," she said, pointing at Erica, "is yours, because it is almost entirely icing."

"And this cake," she said, indicating the other," is Axel's because it is burned to a crisp with frosting on it."

"Give her an award," Logan sighed.

Axel handed Bridget an award that read "Cakesniffer". This is actually a very insulting insult from A Series of Unfortunate Events. Bridget didn't care, because it was shiny.

"Now that we've proven that we can do stuff outside our room besides eating," Erica asked, "can we please go back?"

"Okay," said Riku, "but I'm going with you."

"Yay!"

Erica and Riku walked in one direction with Little Bridget, while Bridget and Sora walked the other, although it was known that both would arrive in front of the girls' rooms at the same time anyway. This left Logan and Axel alone in the kitchen.

"What now?" asked Logan.

Axel lit his finger on fire. "How about… you make me a sandwich!"

--------------------------------

"Bridget, this show is in Japanese. Do you even understand what they're saying?" asked Sora.

"No, but who cares, it's Syaoran!"

"But he's like 10," Sora remarked.

"Not in this show."

Sora sighed, and they watched the TV for about five more minutes, until a loud crash was heard from next door. Bridget and Sora got up and ran into the next room, where a shower of sparks and fine white powder was falling from Erica's ceiling.

-------------------------------------

"What do you want to do?" asked Riku.

Erica opened her mouth to speak, but Riku cut her off.

"Besides work on your Snape fanfiction."

Erica picked up a pad of sticky notes, and stared at it thoughtfully for a minute. Then she jumped on her bed, and stuck one on the ceiling, and handed a couple to Riku.

They spent the next several minutes sticking Post It notes on the ceiling. At some point, someone decided it would be more fun to attach them to the ceiling fan. Several minutes after that point, the ceiling fan fell off the ceiling, and crashed onto the floor. Little Bridget screamed. Erica screamed. Riku laughed.

"What's going on?" asked Bridget, who ran into the room.

"We're fine!" Erica yelled. "Look out for the glass!"

"Um…" Sora suggested. "Maybe we should present an award before you guys bring the whole castle crashing down."

"Good plan," said Erica, hopping from the bed, over the ceiling fan, across her room.

-----------------------------------

"And the **Random Award **goes to…" announced Bridget.

"Piglet!" finished Erica.

"Yay Piglet!" cheered Little Bridget.

"What?" asked Riku.

"It is the Random Award," said Sora.

"The recipient was randomly picked," elaborated Logan. "That's why it's random."

Bridget handed Piglet the award.

"That's all for now! See you next time on Kingdom Hearts Awards!" shouted Bridget.

"I have to give Little Bridget back to her dad," said Erica, walking away from the stage.

"Who's the imaginary father?" asked Riku.

"It's not Tom Felton if that's what you're thinking!" Erica shouted randomly.

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There is my random chapter for the random day! See you later!"


	35. A Midsummer Night's Nightmare

Bridget here. I promised I would write a chapter while Erica finished up her latest fanfic. So here I am. Also, we're rapidly running out of ideas, so any suggestions you have, or anything you might like to see in the upcoming chapters, please let us know. Your comments are appreciated! **Disclaimer: We do NOT own Kingdom Hearts, xxxHOLiC, Twilight, Pokemon, or Digimon. (No matter how much I want to own Sora and Edward...)**

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It was an unusually peaceful day on the set of Kingdom Hearts Awards, except for the fact that Bridget and Erica were walking around like zombies. Neither of the girls has slept well recently, no matter what they do or how hard they try. It wasn't getting to sleep that was the problem; it was what they dreamt after they were asleep.

"Erica?" Riku asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

"Oh! What?" said Erica, snapping out of her trance-like state.

"What is wrong with you and Bridget lately?" Sora asked.

"Weird… dreams," said Bridget dazedly.

"About what?" Riku persisted.

Erica looked down at her trembling hands. "So, in this dream, I'm Snape's adopted kid, and there's a werewolf, and-"

"That's all we needed to know," Riku said.

"What about Bridget?" Sora asked.

"I'm not telling anyone and you can't make me!" Bridget shouted, falling over.

"You guys don't even want to know," said Erica, glancing sideways at her friend.

"We'll take your word for that," Riku said.

Emme walked into the room and sat down with the four teens. She pulled out a magazine and flipped to a page, bending back the cover.

"Okay, so you guys have been having weird dreams too, right?" she asked, scanning the page and getting right down to business.

Bridget and Erica nodded.

"Well, I can help, because this is a dream interpreting magazine!" she exclaimed excitedly, holding up the booklet.

It took Bridget, who was slow from lack of sleep, several minutes to catch on. When she did, her entire face lit up and she began to cheer ecstatically. Emme shifted herself so that she now faced Erica.

"What are your dreams about?" she asked, uncapping a pen.

"Snape, werewolves… the usual," Erica answered nonchalantly.

Emme nodded furiously, and circled "greasy potions master" and "magical creatures", much to Erica's dismay. Then she turned to Bridget.

"And yours?"

"I'd rather not say," Bridget said wistfully.

"Say it," Emme said, with a dark look on her face.

Bridget pulled her legs up to herself and spoke more to the tops of her knees than anybody. "Mmmph Mmphmphy."

Riku and Sora looked confused, because they couldn't understand what she said. Erica smiled knowingly because she didn't need a translation for what Bridget had mumbled. Emme circled two more categories on the page, one of them being "vampire" and the other being illegible because a drop of water had obscured it. (Emme had been out in the rain.)

"Where did vampire come from?" Erica asked, because she knew that was not Bridget's dream.

"Oh, my most recent random dream was about Edward Cullen trying to ride Bendita. Pretty weird, huh?" she asked, smiling.

"Who's Bendita?" Sora asked.

"A horse, of course."

Bridget perked up suddenly. "Hey, that rhymed!"

The rest of the group stared at her blankly. She shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm gonna go get a soda," she said, excusing herself.

Emme pulled the included envelope out of the magazine and sealed their answers inside. She pulled out a notebook, scrawled a few words, and watched as the envelope disappeared.

"What now?" Erica asked.

"We wait for our results," Emme said calmly.

Seconds later (the narrator doesn't like to wait), another envelope appeared, marked "RESULTS". She tore off the top of the envelope and turned it upside down, shaking it until a folded piece of paper fell out.

"Bridget!" Erica yelled. "Results are here!"

Bridget walked back into the room, carrying a giant bottle of soda. "That was fast."

"Ahem, drum-roll please!" Emme said ceremoniously.

Riku, Erica, Bridget, and Sora all slapped their hands on the ground continuously, until Emme cut them off. She unfolded the paper, then stared at it in disbelief.

"Inconclusive!" she shrieked.

"You're kidding," Erica said, snatching the paper. She wasn't.

Bridget took a sip of her soda. "I'm never sleeping again," she said morosely.

"Was it really that bad?" Sora asked.

"Yes! I'm not going back!" Bridget shouted.

"Okay, we obviously need to find another way to fix this, before Bridget becomes a basket case," Riku said pessimistically.

"Too late," Erica stated.

"Did you tell Logan about your dream?" Emme asked.

"Yes."

"And what did he say?" she continued.

"That maybe if I listened to just one song, the dreams might stop," she answered.

"I suggested a voodoo doll," Erica volunteered.

"Listening to a song would make it worse," Emme said, "and where in the world are we going to find a voodoo doll of… you know?"

Bridget stood up, and snapped her fingers. "I know where we can go!"

"Where?" Sora asked.

"Yuuko's Shop!"

"Who's Yuuko?" Riku whispered to Erica.

"I was wondering the same thing," she replied.

"Yes, Yuuko! She'll be able to help us!" Emme approved.

"But who is Yuuko?" Sora asked.

"Who cares? If she can help us, I say we give it a shot," said Erica, rising.

"But letting your dreams take their natural course isn't an option?" Riku asked.

"No. Being Snape's kid is NOT natural."

"And neither is… my dream problem!" Bridget added, catching herself before she admitted what her problem was.

"Where to?" asked Sora.

"To Japan!" Emme cheered.

---------------------------------------------------------

Our five heroes had been wandering around a small Japanese town for several hours before they finally stopped.

"Bridget," Erica asked, "Do you even know where this shop is?"

"It's in Japan," she said confidently.

"Yes, but do you know how many millions of shops there are in Japan?"

"No."

"Well, you can only see the shop if you absolutely need Yuuko's help. If you do, the shop will automatically pull you in," Emme said.

"That's just it, maybe we just don't need her help." Sora sighed.

"Wait, isn't that it, over there?" Riku asked.

Our "brilliant" heroes had been looking on the wrong side of the street. Erica and Bridget sighed with relief while Emme slapped her forehead. Across the street, stood a tall, magic-looking shop. Sora, Riku, Emme, Erica, and Bridget made their way over to the shop, finding that they couldn't resist taking a peek inside once they reached the gate.

Waiting on the front porch, were two girls, twins, one with pink hair, and one with blue hair.

"Maru-dashi! Moro-dashi!" Bridget said, running to the front door.

"Doesn't that mean…" Sora began to ask, but Riku cut him off.

"It's better that you don't know," he said.

Emme and Erica shrugged, following Sora, Riku, Bridget, and the girls inside. Maru and Moro led the party to a strange woman lying on a couch.

"Yuuko!"

"Yes, how can I help you?" the lady asked.

"We came to make a wish!" Emme announced.

"We've been having strange dreams lately…" Erica began.

"We want them gone," Bridget finished.

Yuuko nodded. "I cannot interfere directly with your dreams. However, I will give each of you a gift to help ward off your bad dreams."

"For Emme… an apple," she said, presenting Emme with an ordinary-looking apple.

"How is that gonna help?" Sora asked.

"Vampires hate human food," Emme answered, gratefully accepting the fruit.

"For Erica, a pen. As soon as you finish your fanfiction, your dreams will stop."

Erica nodded and collected the pen.

"This means we're not going to see you for like a month, doesn't it?" Riku asked.

"No, I'm almost done," she said cheerfully.

"And for Bridget… I believe these will do," Yuuko said, holding out a voodoo doll and a set of pins. It looked suspiciously like someone they all knew and hated.

"Ha! I knew a voodoo doll would work!" Erica shouted.

"Hey… isn't that-" Sora started.

"I'm stabbing it when Bridget's done," Riku said bitterly.

"Now… you must give me something in return," Yuuko said slyly.

Bridget, Riku, Erica, Sora, and Emme put their heads together and thought about what they had to offer. Eventually it was decided that they would give Yuuko Sora's shoes.

"Now... bring out the sake!" Yuuko said excitedly.

"Sake! Sake!" Maru and Moro echoed.

"Um... no, we'd better be leaving we're kind of..." Erica began.

"Underaged?" Bridget offered.

Riku and Emme made a face. "Do we really have to leave?"

"Yes," Sora said, "We really do have to leave, or you guys are gonna end up with a drinking problem."

"Damn," Riku said sadly.

They thanked Yuuko for her service and began the trip home. On the way, Sora stepped in two puddles, soaking his socks and chilling his feet to the bone.

-----------------------------------------

"Now we're here to present the **Worst Random Dream Award**!" Erica announced.

"Our nominees in this category are:" Bridget began.

**Sora!**

**Roxas!**

**Erica!**

**Emme!**

**Logan!**

**And Bridget!**

"The first elimination is Roxas, because we're talking unexplainable dreams here, not dreams caused by Naminè restoring your Other's memory." Emme paused, and looked horrified. "How did I know that?"

"It's rubbing off on you, Em," Bridget said jokingly.

"Well, the next to go is Sora, because his dream at the beginning of KH1 was more of a warning than a random dream," Erica said.

"Next to go is Bridget," Logan announced, "because despite what she thinks, her dream is really not that bad. And if you would just take my advice and listen to a song by-"

Bridget slapped her hand over his mouth. "The voodoo doll is more fun."

"Next to leave is Emme, because her dream was not as horrifying as Logan's or mine," Erica continued.

"Now Erica is being eliminated- Wait, what?" Bridget asked.

Logan snatched the trophy from her. "I'm the winner, because nothing is more terrifying than a nightmare about Digimon when you're six years old." He shuddered.

Erica looked sympathetic. "Pokémon is better."

"That's all for today's show!" Emme announced.

"See you next time!"

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There's my chapter. A couple of things: 1) Maru-dashi and Moro-dashi mean "flashing" and "streaking" (respectively) and 2) I will not, under any circumstance tell anyone what exactly my dream was, got it? Please remember to review! Once again, suggestions are very helpful, so don't be shy! Later!


	36. Beaches, Kisses, and Things That Go Boom

It's Bridget. I realize we haven't updated in a while, so I have another chapter for you. (If only to get Erica to write her chapter). It's long, so enjoy it! We're celebrating the Fourth of July, 56 days late, suggested by Shiba-X (Bridget: Wow, it's been that long? Erica: I guess you'd better put this chapter up fast, then.) It ends very different that how it starts out. Please enjoy it! Also, I have a habit of picking songs for my chapters, which I will do for this chapter:

"Breakthrough" by Hope 7

* * *

Erica and Bridget were plotting silently in The Hall of Empty Melodies. That is, they _were _quiet, until Bridget shouted out abruptly, "Oh no! We forgot something!" 

"What'd we forget?" Erica asked, looking around. "Axel's in the kitchen with a sandwich, and Zexion's in his padded room, reading emo poetry-"

"No, not that!" Bridget said, "We forgot the Fourth of July!"

"What's wrong?" Riku asked, walking into the room, Sora at his side. They just had just gotten home from school, and were still wearing their uniforms.

Erica ran over to Riku, and frantically shook him by the shoulders. "We forgot the Fourth of July!"

"Calm down," he answered, "We forget holidays all the time around here. And April Fools' Day turned out just fine, didn't it?"

"Define 'fine'," Bridget said.

"Well, at any rate, we can fix this. Right, Riku?" Sora asked.

Riku and Erica nodded. Bridget began to pace slowly around the room. After about ten minutes, she gasped and nearly jumped into the air.

"I got it! How 'bout we all go to the beach?" she exclaimed.

"That sounds fun!" Erica said, cheering up considerably.

"ALL of us?" Riku asked, eyes widening.

"No, just the teenagers," Bridget said thoughtfully.

"All right, so we need to pack, and get everyone organized…" Erica began.

"I call Sora!" Bridget shouted, grabbing him by his tie and running out of the room.

Riku and Erica stared after them in disbelief. "Did she honestly think anybody else in this room was going to call Sora?"

Erica shrugged. "It's Bridget, you can never tell what she's thinking, or even if she's thinking at all."

"Good point," agreed Riku, leading Erica out the opposite doorway.

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"Are you trying to kill me?" Sora asked, as Bridget stopped suddenly outside a door and his tie nearly strangled him. Bridget ignored him, throwing open the door and strutting into the kitchen like she owned the place. She pushed herself up on top of the counter and sat down.

"Axel, Emme, we need fireworks, and lots of them!" she said happily.

"Sweet!" Axel cheered.

Emme pulled a box from under the kitchen sink. "I knew these wouldn't go to waste," she said, staring lovingly at her collection of fireworks.

"I've got the matches," Axel said in a singsong voice, shaking a packet of matches.

"Great!" Sora said.

"Now, what is all this for?" Emme asked.

Bridget jumped of the counter. "We forgot the Fourth of July, so, to make it up we're going to the beach to celebrate it!"

"Alright, we'll go pack," Axel said, leaving the room. Emme followed.

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Erica and Riku found Demyx, Zexion, Cloud, Hayner, and Pence in the stands of the arena, cheering on the fight between Leon and Seifer. Demyx had popcorn, and he switched sides whenever it appeared the other person had the other hand. Hayner and Pence were cheering for Leon, because they hated Seifer. And Cloud and Zexion were having an argument over who was more emo.

"Dude," Zexion was saying, "I'm telling you, I'm more emo. I wear all black, I have no soul, and my hair does that flippy thing, like that guy from that band."

"No, seriously, it's me. Just because I am," Cloud disagreed, running his fingers through his spiky hair.

"And that's for giving me this scar!" Leon shouted, knocking the blue foam Struggle bat out of Seifer's hand.

Erica and Riku ran onto the field. "Hey guys, wanna go to the beach?" she asked, breaking up the fight.

Leon rested his gunblade on his shoulder. "Yeah, I guess."

"Pick me! I wanna go to the beach!" Demyx cried from the bleachers, standing up in his chair.

"Get your stuff ready, we're leaving in an hour!" Erica called back.

Riku and Erica walked back out, in search of other people. Cloud, Zexion, and Demyx followed, but Hayner and Pence stayed behind. Hayner put his foot on Seifer's back and made a heroic pose. "Take a picture before he gets up," he told Pence.

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"What are they doing?" Bridget asked, staring at the giant orb of water hovering over the now empty swimming pool/skating rink.

"Playing blitzball," Selphie said, looking up from her magazine. She, Kairi, Olette, and Naminé were apparently being forced (or paid) to watch Tidus and Wakka's game.

"How do they play it in the water like that?" Sora asked.

"Who knows?" said Naminé, focused on her sketch. (One would assume it's probably some kind of yaoi fanart.)

"We're going to the beach!" Bridget yelled at the giant ball of water.

"They can't hear you," Kairi said.

Bridget stuck her tongue out. "We'll see about that," she said, running over to the edge of the pool and pressing a suspicious red button. The sphere of water began to dissolve. Tidus and Wakka landed in the pool, now full of water again.

"What was that for, ya?" Wakka asked.

Tidus started crying. "Shut up, whiner," Bridget said, unsympathetically.

"If you want to go to the beach, go pack up, we're leaving soon!" Sora shouted.

Having nothing better to do, Kairi, Naminé, Olette, Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka left to gather their things.

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"Wakey, wakey, Marley!" Axel shouted, jumping on Marluxia's bed.

"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty!" Emme yelled.

"This isn't working," Axel said.

Emme stuck her hands under the mattress. Axel followed suit. "On the count of three. One, two, THREE!"

Axel and Emme flipped the mattress over, dumping Marluxia onto the floor. Marluxia sprang up, his face bright red with rage, and summoned his pink scythe. The smiles faded from Emme and Axel's faces.

"What now?" Emme asked.

"Run like hell!" Axel replied, grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the room.

"We're going to the beach," Emme called over her shoulder to Marluxia. "Get ready!"

Axel dragged Emme down the hall and into the game room, where Roxas and Luxord were playing cards while Larxene and Logan watched.

Axel rushed over to his friend and hugged him. "Luxord, why are you playing strip poker with this impressionable little child!?" he cried.

Larxene, Logan, and Emme cracked up laughing and high fived.

"Axel, you forget that this "impressionable little child" is a Sharpie hugging freak," Emme said, wiping a tear from her eye.

Luxord looked puzzled. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe it is just to hot to wear our cloaks during the summer, moron?"

Axel was dumbfounded. "No, I guess it didn't."

"I'm not a child! And would you mind letting go?" Roxas asked, though his voice was muffled.

"If you're looking for a child molester, go find Sephiroth," Logan said, shuddering.

"Or Vexen," Larxene added.

"So," said Emme, ignoring Luxord, "would you three like to go to the beach?"

Larxene, Logan, and Roxas nodded.

"What about me?" Luxord asked.

"You can't go, because you're an OLD person!" Axel said. He immediately ran from the room. Luxord stood up so quickly he knocked his chair over, but didn't give chase.

"What is his problem?" he asked.

"I don't know, but I'm sure, whatever it is, they make pills for it," Roxas said.

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"How are we all getting there, Riku?" asked Erica once the crowd of beach goers was assembled outside of The Castle That Never Was.

Riku held a pair of shiny keys and dangled them in front of her. "One car isn't going to fit all of us," she said.

"It's not a car," Riku said, leading the group over to Memory's Skyscraper. "It's a bus!" Sure enough, parked in the middle of the square was a big yellow school bus.

Demyx's eyes widened in wonderment. He ran up to the bus to give it a hug, but he couldn't quite get his arms around it. "I love you," he muttered.

"That's really special, Demyx," Axel said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "What's his name?"

Demyx fumed. "HER name is Delilah," he said, stroking the yellow paint.

Bridget bounded over to the bus and walked in. "I call shotgun!" She pulled Sora into the seat next to hers.

Erica and Riku walked all the way to the back of the bus and sat down. "What are we doing back here?" Riku asked. "Wouldn't you rather sit up front with Sora and Bridget?"

"Nope, I'd rather sit back here and flip off the people that honk at us," she said happily. "Wouldn't you?"

Riku tossed the keys to Leon. "It's all yours!"

Larxene and Emme took the seat in front of Kairi and Naminé. Emme enjoyed this vantage point, because her seat was broken and if she leaned back, she could hit Naminé with her chair. Cloud and Zexion sat in the front seat behind Leon, and talked about how meaningless life was. Axel and Roxas took the seat behind them. Axel tried to explain that he didn't mean anything by calling Roxas a kid earlier, but Roxas couldn't hear a word he said over his iPod.

Olette and Seifer sat next to each other. Seifer immediately looped his arm around her shoulder, but she shrugged it off and stared out the window. Hayner and Pence sat behind them, throwing small bits of paper at Seifer's hat. Logan sat with Demyx, who was tuning his sitar so he could lead the bus in singing "Hey There Delilah". Marluxia sat alone; nobody liked him because he had pink hair and smelled like flowers, which is weird for a guy (unless he's gay). And Tidus and Wakka filled the last remaining seat, and talked mostly of girls and blitzball.

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When the bus stopped at the station, Bridget was the first one of the bus. She jumped from the top step to the sidewalk in one, strangely graceful movement. Sora turned helplessly to Erica and Riku. "Please tell me she didn't have a soda."

"I could tell you that," Erica said thoughtfully, "but I'd be lying."

Everyone one grabbed their bags from under the bus (Axel and Emme had a small skirmish over the box of fireworks, which Emme won, but Axel got to keep his matches). The boys headed one way, and the girls headed the other, so everyone could get changed.

Fifteen or so minutes later, everyone headed out of the changing rooms. Erica was wearing a hot pink bikini top with black swim trunks. Selphie was wearing an itsy bitsy, teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini. (Couldn't resist.) Naminé was wearing a white one piece. Kairi's swimsuit was a light pink bikini. Larxene had a black bikini with a silver Nobody crest on it. Olette's was an orange bikini with white flowers on it. Emme had a light blue bikini, with hibiscus flowers and rainbow stripes. And Bridget was wearing a light blue bikini, with navy blue board shorts over the bikini bottom.

Axel's swim trunks were black with little flames on them. Sora was wearing a pair of obnoxiously bright red shorts. Riku was wearing a blue Speedo. (Riku: You're evil. Erica: I know. Bridget: My eyes! I can't believe you made me write that!) Hayner had camouflage trunks. Roxas's shorts were black and white like a checkerboard. Pence had royal blue shorts. (The girls demanded that he also wear a T-shirt.) Seifer's swim trunks were light gray, and he also refused to take his hat off. Marluxia was wearing purple shorts with pink flowers on them. Zexion had black trunks with a white skull on them. Logan had navy blue trunks with orange flowers on them. Demyx's were navy blue with little blue guitars. Tidus was wearing yellow shorts that were uneven lengths. Wakka had bright orange trunks. Leon's were black with a red lion on them. And Cloud had black swim trunks with a sliver wolf.

Then everyone rushed off to their various activities. It was agreed that they would all meet up when it got dark for fireworks.

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"Riku, blindfold. Leon, baseball bat," said Erica, sounding an awful lot like a doctor performing surgery.

"Awesome!" Roxas said, running over to Erica's group. "Watermelon!" He tried to pick it up, but Erica hit him lightly with the baseball bat. "It's not for eating."

"Then what's it for?"

"Watermelon piñata," Erica said, taking a couple practice swings.

"That's dumb," Roxas commented. Erica glared.

"Why don't you go talk to Bridget, she's the one who made a resolution to be nicer to you."

"Fine." Roxas walked away, over to where Sora and Bridget were playing volleyball. Just as Sora hit the ball over the net, Roxas walked onto the court and got in Bridget's way. She missed the ball and hit the sand, landing painfully on her extended right arm. "Damn, this is the one I just broke, too."

"Yes!" said Sora, oblivious to the situation. "I got a point!"

Bridget stood up and wiped the sand out of the corner of her mouth. "Nu-uh, that was interference! Now," she said, turning to Roxas, "what do you want?"

"Erica brought a watermelon, but she said I couldn't eat it."

"And what do you want me to do about this?"

"I don't know, but I want watermelon."

Bridget sighed. "The watermelon here's too expensive, but when we get home, we have one in the fridge. It's all yours, if you'll do one thing for me."

"What?"

"Be referee?" she asked.

"Okay."

Bridget smiled. "Did the last point Sora scored count?" She had an evil look in her eye, one that said 'think of the watermelon'.

"No, that was interference?" he guessed.

"Screw you!" Sora shouted. "You're supposed to be on my side!"

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Erica pulled the blindfold off. "Did I hit it?"

"No, everything but," Riku answered, indicating several broken rocks and seashells that marked all of her failed attempts.

Emme walked over, followed by Kairi and Naminé, who had come to watch. "I wanna try!"

Erica handed her the baseball bat and the blindfold, which Leon tied around her eyes.

"Everyone stand back," Leon warned. Kairi and Naminé must have thought they were far enough away, but oh, they were wrong. Nobody was safe. After being spun in circles, Emme wobbled around, trying to find her target. Which was not the watermelon. She stopped, took a swing, and hit Naminé in the head. (Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to knock her unconscious.)

Emme peeked under the blindfold. "Do I get an award for that?"

Erica smiled. "Yes, yes you do."

"**Best Use of a Baseball Bat**. Excellent," Emme said evilly.

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Logan was building a sand castle with Hayner and Olette, while Pence sulked about the shirt thing.

"When do we jump on it?" Hayner asked.

"We don't," Olette replied, patting one of the walls smooth.

"Now? Okay!" Logan said, standing up and jumping all over the miniature castle.

Hayner and Olette looked stunned. "You just killed an entire kingdom of imaginary little people!" Pence cried.

"Um… my bad?" Logan said.

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Axel, Zexion, and Cloud walked along the stretch of beach. Axel was lighting random piles of rubbish on fire, while Cloud and Zexion picked them up to prove how emo they were. (Don't worry, they should have full use of their hands back in two to three weeks.)

Wakka, Tidus, and Seifer were burying Demyx in the sand, and when all that was left was his head poking out, they placed a bucket over his head. Then they stood up and walked away.

"Um… guys?" Demyx asked. "Aren't you going to un-bury me?"

"Why would we do that?" Seifer asked.

"Because the tide's coming in," Demyx answered.

"You can control water, right?" Tidus asked.

"Yeah, I guess so…" Demyx said.

"Well, then what's the problem, ya? Later!" Wakka said.

Larxene and Marluxia were flirting shamelessly, while Selphie jumped rope and sang annoying school girl chants to get on their nerves.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You wanna give it a go?" asked Leon, holding the bat out to Riku.

"No, thanks, I've had the strangest feeling all day, like someone's been watching me…" Riku said.

"Have you had this feeling before?" Erica asked.

"Yes, in Kingdom Hearts I, but I can't quite put my finger on it…"

Bridget and Sora rushed over. "Did you guys see who's in the parking lot?" Bridget asked, out of breath.

"No, why?" asked Leon.

"Because," Sora panted, "Ansem – I mean, Xehanort's Heartless, followed us here! He's been watching us through binoculars!"

Riku let out a scream, grabbed the nearest beach towel, and wrapped it around his waist. He stared intently at Erica, who laughed nervously. "Well, whaddya know?"

"What do we do?" asked Sora, putting his hands on either side of his face, looking very much like "The Scream" painting.

Everyone turned to Bridget. "What are you looking at me for?"

"Wait for it…" Leon said.

"Oh! I've got an idea!" Bridget said.

"That's what we were waiting for," said Sora, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Bridget ran over to Erica and Riku, and whispered something in both of their ears. Something which caused them both to blush a healthy shade of pink. Without glancing over at Sora, she asked him, "Is he still looking?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Ready?" Bridget asked.

"I'll do it if you do it," Riku said.

Erica smiled. "Let's."

Erica threw her arms around him, and Riku kissed her, full on the lips. While they got into it, Leon, Bridget, and Sora glanced over at Ansem again. He was chalk white, he had dropped the binoculars, and his jaw was hanging wide open. Bridget waved, showing him that they knew he was watching. He ran to his car; he couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Emme ran over with a video camera, totally invading their privacy and capturing every second of it. "This is SO going on YouTube!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for…" Emme announced.

"The Fireworks!" Axel finished.

The group was sitting around a fire. Erica was resting her head on Riku's shoulder, and Bridget was sitting next to Sora.

The two spread the fireworks in a straight line, and frantically lit each and every one with matches, and sprinted back to the campfire before they started to go off.

For nearly half an hour, flashes of colorful light filled everyone's eyes. They drank the colors in thirstily. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, and even gold explosions lit up the black night sky. The crowded "oohed" and "aahed". "Pretty," Logan said simply.

When the fireworks were gone, a thick haze of smoke filled the air.

"Someone go check to see if they all exploded," Axel said.

Roxas got up and walked over to the fireworks. All of them were charred, black, and had their tops blown off. All of them, except, of course, one.

"This one's a dud," he called.

"Get out of there!" Axel said.

Roxas, of course, being Roxas, didn't listen, and instead nudged it with the tip of his foot.

BANG!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Where am I?" Roxas asked. All he could see was white, which freaked him out.

"OMG! I'm dead! I died, I'm dead!" he shouted.

"Take it easy," Axel said.

"Are you dead too?" Roxas asked.

Erica clapped her forehead. "No, idiot. This is the hospital wing of The Castle That Never Was."

"You kicked a firework, remember?" Bridget asked.

"Oh yeah."

Logan ran into the room, holding his Gameboy, which was making annoying sounds. "Bridget, where can I find this Pokemon?" he asked.

"I have no clue."

"You're no good to me!"

Bridget stuck her tongue out. "Well, you're dead to me!"

"Don't say 'dead'," Roxas said.

"I hope you learned a lesson," Emme said.

"Don't play with fire!" Axel said.

Sora and Riku brought the PS2 into the room. They turned it on, and started playing, in the Betwixt and Between. They had only played for about 5 minutes, and Axel had started dying (in the game). He gasped.

"You'll be okay," Sora said, "I saw the ending."

"No, not that. I'm not gay!" Axel shouted.

"Of course you're not gay," Erica said, "Everyone knows Roxas is a girl."

But Roxas didn't notice this, because he was asleep.

"Oh, and I've got something for you," Bridget said, holding out a trophy to Erica.

"**First Person to Get a Kiss**. Thank you."

Bridget waved at the camera. "See you next time on..."

The rest of the room chimed in. "KINGDOM HEARTS AWARDS!"

* * *

That's all for now. Tonight is the full moon, so don't forget to howl! Please, review, no flames! 


	37. Must Be Dreaming

Well, this is Erica, and I am now going to attempt to write a chapter, because that was part of the deal.

* * *

"Run away!" Demyx screamed as he and Erica ran down the hall where an angry crowd of Riku fangirls followed with their pitchforks and torches (because nothing screams angry mob like pitchforks and torches). No one noticed that one of the Riku fangirls, the one wearing the hat and sunglasses that was much taller then all the other fangirls, looked suspiciously like Xehanort's heartless. They were all working for the same cause.

"I'm trying," Erica yelled to Demyx as they turned a corner and pulled themselves into an empty coat closet and the angry mob passed by.

"I've waited thirty-six long chapters for that, and I'm not quite sure it was worth it. Riku fangirls are aggressive."

"You're telling me! You should so kill Bridget for this!"

"Why would you want to kill me?" Bridget asked, stepping out from amongst the coats.

"Because now all the Riku fangirls are mad at me. Next time I get to kiss a fictional character, make it someone with less fan girls, like Hayner," Erica said, peeking out of the coat closet to see if the Riku fangirls had left.

"Why are you in this coat closet anyway?" Demyx asked.

"Because this is just a dream," Bridget said as Erica sat up in her room.

"What the hell?" Erica asked, the effects of her dream still wearing off.

"What's wrong, baby?" Hayner asked.

* * *

"Bridget, make her stop screaming!" Sora said as they shook Erica awake. She had fallen asleep next to Roxas' hospital bed, with the glow of the PS2 screen as her nightlight. They had started taking turns keeping Roxas company, because they found he could make their lives miserable if they didn't. That and Erica needed someone who was good at pushing the cart-thingy up the hill to beat her game for her.

"Erica, you're just having a bad dream," Hayner said, from next to Bridget and Sora, it was his shift to watch Roxas.

"Get away from me!" she said, pointing at Hayner as she woke out of her dream.

"Guys! You'll never guess what!" Naminé said, rushing in and thrusting a small blue card in the middle of the crowd.

"Well, now I know this is another dream," Erica said, visibly turning a whiter shade of pale, in the chair she was sitting in.

"This is a joke right?" Hayner asked, his mouth a gape.

"Guys, I think Sora just blacked out," Bridget said, franticly shaking his shoulder as he went limp.

"This means we have to prepare! There is going to be a wedding! I need a dress!" she said, franticly running out of the room, leaving the blue note in the care of four people who wanted to shred it.

"Well, I don't know how this is even possible!" Hayner said, making an effort to whisper and not wake Roxas, who was snoring loudly.

"And you had no idea?" Bridget asked Sora.

"Well, they did go to get food a lot," Sora said thoughtfully.

"But you never ate in the game!" Bridget screamed.

"That might have been the first clue," Sora said, following Naminé.

"Hey, I just thought of something!" Erica said, still believing this was all very much a dream, "Fluffy doggy duck babies! I want one!"

"Erica, do you remember the last pet that you wanted?" Bridget asked.

"Aw, you mean the blobby thing that accidentally ate Xaldin's face?" Erica asked, losing the cheerfulness at the thought of Xemnas forcing her pet out of the castle.

Hayner led her out of the room, hoping to find something to distract her from the current train of thought: owning a mutant duck dog and a face-eating blob.

"Hey, wait a second, guys, where is Riku?" Bridget asked, noticing for the first time he wasn't there. Didn't he share his shift with Erica? Nobody noticed the torn piece of an "I heart Riku" t-shirt (really, what self-respecting Riku fangirl doesn't own one?) as they all left the room to prepare for the wedding.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Emme asked, coming into the kitchen to get a midnight snack.

"I have been put in charge of the cake, because Bridget said I wasn't allowed to be a bridesmaid," Erica said sulkily.

"And does Bridget know you are putting a rubber duck on top of the cake?" Emme asked, choosing to ignore the fact that it was a wedding cake Erica was decorating.

"Well, I'm sorry they don't sell inter-species couples for the top of wedding cakes!" Erica said, annoyed that she wasn't going to get to be an important part of the wedding.

"Should I just chalk this up to one of the weird things Kingdom Hearts does to your brain?" Emme asked.

Erica smiled and put a tiny bridal dress on the rubber duck, "That might be best."

"Where is Bridget?" Emme asked.

"I think she was downstairs with Naminé last time I checked. They got to be bride's maids. Anyway, they were working together to create the perfect decorations," Erica said, searching through her box of childhood toys for the groom's figure. Strangely, Emme didn't find this odd at all…

… However there was something else that was odd about all this. "Naminé, and Bridget, working together? Am I dreaming?"

"I don't know, I was convinced this was all part of my dream," Erica said, continuing to search through her box, "Oh! Mickey Mouse ears! I used to love these!"

"I must be dreaming," Emme decided as she walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

"And why do you think pink and red would make good wedding colors?" Sora asked, being the mediator here.

"Because they represent love, and that's what a wedding is all about," Naminé said, convinced she had won.

"And, Bridget, why do you think yellow and black would represent this wedding better?"

"Because they represent craziness, and that's what this wedding is!" Bridget nearly screamed from the corner in which she was shredding the little tiny hearts Naminé had decided would be thrown instead of flowers.

"Well, I say we compromise here," Sora, who had been made the maid of honor (please don't hurt me!) announced, "What about pink and yellow?"

"Everyone knows those two colors don't go together," Naminé pouted.

"How about red and black?" Bridget said, trying to sound like this was a fair compromise.

"As maid of honor I declare the colors red and black!" Sora announced.

"Ok, now it's time to decorate, and who knows how to decorate better then Zexion, I wonder if he still has his old Christmas decorations," Bridget pondered as she walked off, now actually looking forward to this wedding.

* * *

"So, '_A Little Less Sixteen Candles_' isn't something I'm allowed to play at the reception?" Demyx asked, not noticing how he only ever sang songs Erica had on her iPod…

"No," Marluxia, who was the wedding coordinator, whose only job was to answer stupid questions like 'Are you sure I can't make it a peanut butter and pickle flavored cake?' said, angrily handing Demyx a list of songs he was allowed to play.

"'_A Moment Like This?'_ What the hell is that?" Demyx asked, hoping he never had to play it.

"No, Axel, there can be no strobe lights at the wedding," Marluxia grumbled to Axel, who had been put in charge of the lighting, simply to keep him occupied, just in case he had any ideas about burning things, or people.

"I think strobe lights are a great idea," Erica said, walking by with a pound of dog food, causing Marluxia to have to chase after her and ask exactly why she was putting dog food in the cake.

"Hey, Pence, can you take over for me with the ice sculptures, it's my turn to keep Roxas from taking over the world in the hospital, and you seem like the kind of person who knows how to carve ice?" Vexen asked.

"No, I'm in charge of the dresses, which also seems like something I would know a lot about," Pence responded.

"I can do it!" Hayner said, jumping to the task.

"No, that's ok, I'll just get Kairi to do it," Vexen said, quickly hurrying off, "Just stick to your job!"

"What is your job?" Larxene asked, passing by with an armful of black roses.

"Staying out of the way," Hayner mumbled.

* * *

Now, a word from our sponsors (yes, we have got some of these now!) while the wedding continues to be prepared.

"Are you a Kingdom Hearts fan?" the announcer asks in a voice that sounds very much like Erica's.

"Do you constantly find yourself breathing air?"

"Are you currently in possession of a chair?"

"Do you tend to get over exited about the small things?" (And if you're a Kingdom Hearts fan we are betting you do!)

"Are you now sitting at your computer reading this fanfiction?"

"If you answered yes to any or all of these questions we would like to inform you that there is a new charity that you might want to consider donating to! This is a charity that doesn't do any of the inconvenient 'we only take checks' thing, we are now accepting any form of payment, cash, check, credit card, or a lifetime of servitude at the 'Erica and Bridget's Big Screen TV Fund'…

* * *

"No! Please don't leave this fanfiction!" Bridget said, desperately waving her arms in the air, trying to get the viewers to come back.

"It was worth a try," Erica mumbled as she headed off to put the finishing touches on the cake as Demyx began to play the beginning of the wedding march, which sounded an awful lot like 'My Bloody Valentine'.

"The ice sculptures look beautiful," Larxene said, to Vexen.

"I know," he said, "don't tell Bridget that I got a little carried away and turned the pool back into an ice rink again." (And ice rink it will stay, damn it, no matter what Bridget decides.)

"I really think the strobe light was a nice touch with all of Zexion's decorations," Roxas said, whose hospital bed had been wheeled into the wedding hall.

"I really think this has a touch of Bridget and Erica to it," Axel announced, with a smile.

"I so told you a wedding hall would be a good addition to The Castle that Never Was. Even if this is the first time we've used it since the castle was built," Marluxia said, beginning to cry next to Xemnas.

"I told you Marly would cry, you owe me fifty bucks," Luxord said, sticking his hand out to Xemnas, whose only comment was, "When are these Kingdom Hearts Awards people getting out of my castle?"

"What did I miss?" Riku said, showing up, not only late, but covered in bleeding scratch marks and shreds of his clothing that had been almost all completely torn off by overly obsessed fangirls. (Bridget: Is it just me or is Riku wearing less and less clothes each chapter? Erica: Would you rather I bring the Speedo back?)

"Nothing much, just the cake! Eat it! It's the best cake you will ever taste!" Erica said, obnoxiously shoving a piece of cake in his face while both Hayner and Pence made motions behind her back warning Riku not to take a bite.

"I'm sure it's awesome, but I think I'll wait till after the wedding," he said, putting his arm around Erica, and dumping the cake into the trashcan while she wasn't looking.

"I now pronounce you mutant dog and duck, you may now kiss the bride," Cloud, the minister announced.

No one noticed as the three bridesmaids cringed away while Donald and Goofy kissed. They were all too busy cringing away as well.

"That is just too wrong," Riku said, also cringing away, but from the crying Kairi, who thought this was just the most beautiful wedding she had ever seen.

* * *

"AH!" Bridget screamed as she sat up next to Sora and Erica in Roxas' hospital room.

"What?" Sora asked, jerking awake.

"I just had the weirdest dream!" Bridget announced.

"Mine was about Piglet," Erica said, sitting up as well.

"Mine makes me want to give out an award," Bridget said, standing up and hurrying to find Donald and Goofy so she could present them with the **Creepiest Couple** Award.

"Do you want to hear about my Piglet dream?" Erica asked Sora.

"Sure!" Roxas, who had also been awoken by Bridget's screaming, said.

"Well, I dreamed that Piglet and I were running through the forest, and I was wearing my 'Snape Cape' when all of a sudden Piglet turned into a spider and I said…"

"Wait! Don't leave me here alone with them!" Sora called after Bridget.

* * *

Ok, well there is my chapter. Happy? And my small piece of advice today is this: If you are ever trapped in a hedge maze that is going to eat you alive, follow the cute guy, because more often then not, he will lead you out of the maze. Oh, and Erica (yes, I am speaking in third person) is giving away free pieces of the wedding cake, that no one ate for some reason, to whoever guessed who the bride and groom were. 


	38. High School Never Ends

Bridget's Author's Notes: Sorry it's been so long. Now that school's started up again, I'm still juggling homework, fanfic writing, fanvid making, and my various other activities. This chapter was supposed to be mine, but I couldn't do it without help from Erica, so she wrote the parts about her and Riku. I think that's it! So enjoy, and remember, your ideas are always appreciated!

* * *

"Bridget! Wake up! Stop screaming!" Sora shouted. Bridget was tossing and turning, talking in her sleep, and getting tangled up in the covers of the empty hospital bed next to Roxas's. She sprang up in bed, her eyes darting around the room trying to figure out where she was. Eventually, she relaxed.

She turned to Erica. "What happened?"

"You were having a dream. A nightmare actually. You kept talking in your sleep…"

Bridget remembered her dream almost too well, but she had to check anyway. "What did I say?" she asked Sora.

"I don't know. Something about Rasler, and Riley… and then you started babbling about me. What was that about?"

Emme and Erica cracked up laughing as Bridget visibly paled. Roxas, talking more to the ceiling than to the other people in the room, asked "Did she say anything about me? Was I chasing them with Sharpies too?"

"I wish," Bridget said, getting up and walking around the room.

Roxas sat up. "Now we know this is going to be good."

Bridget offered no explanation, so Emme spoke up. "Bridget is cursed. All of her favorite characters keep dying."

"What does that have to do with me?" Sora asked, missing the point.

"It has absolutely nothing to do with you," Bridget lied, feigning nonchalance.

"Yeah, right," Erica scoffed. "Sora, face it, you're her favorite character, so, sorry, but you're screwed.

"But it'll be okay. Your funeral will just be one big party, to honor your life," Emme said somewhat cheerfully.

"No," Erica corrected, "We'll be throwing an 'I hate Sora and I'm so glad he's dead' party."

Bridget and Sora scowled, Erica and Emme laughed harder, and Roxas asked if he was invited.

"Sure, Roxas, if your Other dies and you somehow miraculously survive, you can come. If you die too, you get your own 'We hate you and we're glad you're dead' party." She paused for dramatic effect, staring at the shocked faces of Bridget, Roxas, and Sora. "Relax, guys, we're only joking."

"I wasn't…" Erica mumbled.

At that point, Vexen walked into the room, wearing a white medical coat, a doctor's headband, and a stethoscope. For some one who wasn't an actual doctor, he sure was going the extra mile.

"I've got good news!" he said, sounding exactly like a doctor in a melodrama.

"What is it, doctor?" Emme asked, playing along.

"The patient is cured! You can leave now, Roxas."

Sora, Bridget, Erica, and Emme groaned. "Well," Vexen said, "at least you don't have to take turns making sure he doesn't take over the world from the hospital any more."

"Good point," Erica agreed.

"That's Axel's job now," Sora said.

"Poor Axel," Emme said sympathetically.

"Oh, shit! It's time for school!" Bridget exclaimed, dragging Emme and Erica from the room with her. Sora followed, heading to find Riku, and Roxas trailed behind, having nothing better to do.

* * *

Half an hour later, the three girls stood outside of the school, staring at it, but not wanting to go in. They sighed, and just as they were about to walk inside, each felt a light tap on their shoulder. Bridget and Erica screamed; Emme, however, had the person behind her in a headlock.

"Guys, it's just us," said Riku, lowering the hood of his school sweatshirt. Sora pulled his hood down too.

"You guys nearly gave us a heart attack!" Bridget shouted.

"Wait- then who does Emme have?" Erica wondered, watching Emme's prisoner struggle.

"That would be Roxas," Riku said, smacking his forehead.

Emme let go and took a few steps back, staring in disgust. "So, why are you guys here?" Her eyes narrowed.

"We thought we could come to school with you!" Roxas piped cheerfully.

The girls were flabbergasted. "You've got to be joking," was Erica's response.

"We're not," Riku said firmly.

"Roxas, you don't want to go to this school. Remember my fangirl friends?" Bridget asked.

"Nice try, but I figured out that you moved this summer. I'm not an idiot."

"You're not?" Emme was shocked.

"Damn, we always count on you being an idiot…" Erica trailed off.

At that second the bell rang, interrupting their little party.

"I guess it's too late to send you guys back now," Bridget said. "So, I'll take Sora to my classes." She walked off through the front door, and Sora followed.

"And I'll take Riku," Erica said, "So that leaves Emme with..."

"Me, myself, and I," she said happily, stalking off, ignoring Roxas. Erica, Emme, and Riku also entered the building, and Roxas followed because he was all alone, and starting to wonder why he had come in the first place.

And with that, Bridget took Sora to Art, Erica and Riku went to Health, Emme decided she was going to skip class, and Roxas decided to follow her.

"Great, I'm stuck with you?"

"Why not? Axel thinks you're cool. Why aren't you going to class, anyway?" Roxas asked.

Emme smiled. "I don't even go to this school. So I was just going to make mischief."

* * *

(Sora and Bridget – Art)

"Okay, class," began Bridget's jittery teacher, "Today I'm going to talk about how much coffee I've had, and about how all your homework is probably wrong because expressing yourself is a crime in this class."

"Hey," whispered Bridget's friend from behind them, "You're that guy from that video game, with those people, at that place… Good times."

"Yep," Bridget said, "This is Sora."

"Ah. Shoe-taste-of-a-seven-year-old guy. If you see Riku and the whore, tell them I hate them."

"You're nice," Sora said sarcastically. "What did Riku ever do to you?"

"We have a score to settle. He hurt me deep down, like in my foot." She smiled.

"Bridget! Let me check your homework!" the art teacher screeched. Bridget sighed, and pulled out her project, a painstakingly colored piece drawn in felt tip pen, and took it up to the teacher.

"This is wrong."

"What?" Bridget asked. _Can art even be wrong?_ She wondered.

"How many times have I told you, if you want to express yourself, do it my way!" She laughed evilly.

"Right…" Bridget mumbled, taking her sketchbook back to her seat.

"Spiky-haired foreign exchange student!" the art teacher barked. Sora got out his homework, a poorly drawn sketch of Riku and King Mickey.

"This is beautiful!" she cooed, ripping it out of his sketchbook and pinning it to the wall.

"Um… thanks?"

Bridget's friend protested. "It looks like a three-year-old drew it!"

"SILENCE!" the art teacher hissed. The class recoiled. Luckily, the bell rang, and Bridget and Sora got out of there as fast as they could.

* * *

(Erica and Riku – Health)

"So what do we do in here?" Riku asked, eagerly taking a seat next to Erica. A strange child glared at him, but grudgingly moved to the back of the room.

"This is health, we learn about all the ways our lives can possibly be ruined through decisions we make and the ones we have no control over," Erica responded and pulled out her health journal that the teacher made them keep. In it she wrote: "Today I decided that the wolf in little red riding hood was probably the protagonist in that story. After all, the little bitch was a menace to society."

Riku followed her lead and wrote on spare piece of paper: "I'm not really sure I'm supposed to be here. Sora said he would pay me ten dollars. So, um, yeah."

"Today, class we will be learning about what causes stress and how to prevent this stress, because if you are stressed, you will never be able to graduate high school, and then you would just be wasting my time here." The class laughed, Erica continued to list the flaws of fairy tale characters in her journal.

Something seemed oddly familiar about the way the man ranted.

"Erica? Is this the guy that told you bugs were everywhere?" Riku asked, jolting Erica out of her rant about how suspicious it was that Snow White lived with seven guys.

"Yes, Riku, because I failed a grade and had to get the same crazy teacher over again," Erica said sarcastically. "I don't know how it works in your little anime school, but in the real world each teacher has something he or she imprints on a student. Last year it was the crazy bug guy, this year it is the guy who jokes about who we are all failures, and he wants to fix us, thus creating a self fulfilling prophecy."

"I've suddenly noticed you are much more skeptical at school," Riku said turning back to the board where the teacher had written 'Raising hands Good!' and underlined it twice.

(Sora and Bridget – Biology)

Bridget led Sora into the classroom and sat down at a table all the way in the back of the room. She dropped her thousand-pound backpack on the floor, where it landed with a loud thud.

"Hey guys," she said, greeting two blondes as she dropped into her chair.

"You're supposed to sit up here with me," one of them said, his lower lip quivering.

"The teacher doesn't care, and besides, I'm showing the, uh… foreign exchange student around."

The blonde pouted. "Oh!" Bridget exclaimed. "You guys haven't been properly introduced. This is the guy I'm skipping homecoming with."

"How many times has she threatened to stab you?" he asked Sora.

"Um… none."

"Good."

Sora looked confused. "Am I missing something?"

"They don't understand sarcasm," Bridget whispered. "They think me threatening them is a sign of affection. Morons, both of them."

The boy turned back around. "Bridget, will you do my history homework for me?"

"No."

"Great! I need the answers to-"

"I said no!" Bridget shouted.

"But you're smart!" the boy whined.

Sora and Bridget cracked up laughing. "She has you fooled," said Sora.

Bridget nudged him under the table. "I'm not doing your homework for you," she said firmly.

The teacher got up, scribbled the assignment on the board, told the class to get to work, and went back to her computer. "Shut up! Do your work!" she commanded.

"Will you be my partner?" Sora asked Bridget at the same time as the blonde kid.

"Sure," she answered Sora.

"Aww… but you'd rather be with me than this loser, right?"

"No way, he's cute," Bridget said.

"Am I cute too?" he asked.

"No, but I want your autograph for asking such a dumb question." The boy was only too willing. He frightened Bridget.

"Has she asked you for your autograph yet?" the boy questioned Sora.

"No, but you know she takes those home and burns them, right?" Sora retorted.

"Guess who I like?" the blonde said.

"Ooh! Guess who doesn't care?" asked Bridget, taking Sora out of the room as the bell rang.

* * *

(Erica and Riku – Art)

"I hope you can draw, this teacher is seriously whacked," Erica said, pulling out a picture of her hand, holding a rubber duck, with a British flag in the background.

"Seriously whacked?" Riku asked. Not a term he thought should be in anyone's vocabulary.

"Hello, and welcome to art for beginners. A class where we pretend to teach you, but really we just yell if you don't know that a blind contour drawing isn't supposed to be shaded," the teacher said. Ok, so she didn't actually say it, but I know she was thinking it, or at least Erica was.

"Today's project will be to draw your homeland flag, and I don't want to see American flags. Be creative!"

"Did I mention she has a fetish with flags?" Erica said, pulling out two pieces of blank paper for her and Riku.

"Flags, Flags, Flags," the teacher continued to ramble as Erica and Riku drew their projects.

Erica's was a picture of the British flag, it doesn't look too hard to draw, but it is. Riku's was a piece of blank paper with a red dot in the middle. On the back he was drawing pictures of skulls and bunny rabbits.

"Strange child who had never been in this class before, that is a wonderful drawing," the teacher said, picking up Riku's drawing. "Erica, yours needs some work."

At the end of the class, by which point Riku had drawn the entire battle of the bunnies (a real war that took place in 1892, and if you believe that you are more gullible than Bridget … I mean Sora) while Erica slaved over her own poor drawing.

"Yeah, that's creative," she said, poking the red dot.

"Don't make fun of my flag," he said, drawing himself in command of the rabbit army.

"Ok, class, what lovely flags," the teacher said, and then turning to point at Erica's, "Except that one. But today the finale part of your project will be to rip up the paper and make a collage, doesn't that sound fun?"

The class groaned as Erica headed back to her seat, armed with a glue stick.

"My bunnies," Riku sulked, "I can't stand to destroy them."

"I can," Erica said, taking the paper and ripping it in two. "Glue stick?" she offered.

* * *

(Sora and Bridget – English)

"Your school scares me," Sora told Bridget as they walked into the English trailer and sat down.

"Tell me about it," Bridget muttered.

A tall boy with brown hair walked in and sat down on the other side of Bridget. (Erica: I knew you couldn't get through this with out bringing Hoagie into it!)

"Hey, Bridget, I brought something for you," he said, a mischievous look in his eye.

Bridget held out her hands and closed her eyes. The boy placed the object in her hand, and she closed her fist around it. She opened her eyes and screamed.

"What are you trying to do, kill me?" she asked as she threw the object, a brown sharpie, across the room. (Erica has recruited all her friends help in scarring Bridget for life.)

"No, of course not. Scaring you works just as well."

Bridget pulled out a book and began to read. The teacher walked in, and snatched it up.

"NO READING IN ENGLISH CLASS!" she bellowed.

"But-" Bridget began.

"You can have it back after class," she said quietly.

"Does that make any sense to you?" Sora asked the brown haired boy.

"No, it doesn't." He pulled out his own book, but was careful to hide it behind his textbook.

"Damn, and I was just getting to the good part…" Bridget said.

"Okay, class," the English teacher began, "Today we will be reading another excerpt from a depressing book where everyone dies. Won't that be fun?" The class groaned.

"What is the point of this story?" Sora asked a few minutes later.

"Oh, there's some deranged man that hunts people, and in the end he gets killed by the main character and fed to dogs," Bridget said, grimacing.

"Reminds me of Clayton…" Sora trailed off.

"So what you're saying is, there is no point?" the boy asked.

"Exactly."

Towards the end of class, Bridget noticed that Emme and Roxas were standing outside of the portable and making funny faces in the window. Bridget laughed. The English teacher dismissed the class, and Sora and Bridget went outside to meet them.

"Bridget, I can't take it anymore, make it stop!" Emme shouted.

"What?" They began wandering back into the building.

Emme held up a watermelon. "A health teacher caught us skipping class and dragged us into her classroom. We're supposed to raise this watermelon like a child."

"When do we eat it?" Roxas asked.

"Cannibal!" Sora screamed.

"We're not eating it," Emme protested, "We're going to kick it, or smash it with a baseball bat!"

"So, what do you want me to do about this?" Bridget asked.

"I know you hate Roxas, but if I could have Sora for just one period before I go insane…" Emme started.

"Okay, that works. I have Spanish next anyway, and Sora would die in that class."

"Why would I die?"

One of Bridget's friends, a tall blonde guy walked up. "Because she has the teacher that hates guys."

"But Roxas can go with her to Spanish, right?" Emme asked hopefully.

"Sure." The tall boy shrugged.

Emme laughed, Bridget laughed, and Sora laughed. Roxas didn't catch on until about a second later.

"Hey!"

"Relax, Roxas, we're joking. Our Spanish teacher doesn't hate guys, but you two probably should switch for a while, if only to keep us all sane."

"The learning," Sora was telling Emme, "it burns."

"I know," Emme said, "Who the heck invented learning in schools? It's madness!"

So Emme took Sora to go skip class, and Bridget led Roxas to Spanish.

* * *

(Erica and Riku – Spanish)

Erica sees no reason to write about the terrible things that Riku and she suffered through in that class. Let's just say that llama does not mean name to Erica. Llama is a pack animal. And that teacher makes you give out your phone number, so yes, Erica is blocking that class out of memory, lucky for you guys, Bridget is not.

* * *

(Bridget and Roxas – Spanish)

"Hola, class!" the teacher greeted. "Today we are having a quiz!"

She told the class to work on the quiz independently, and after about ten minutes, she told the class to check each others' work. "I believe in cooperative quizzes," she babbled.

"Are mine right?" Roxas asked Bridget. She snatched his page, looked it over, and tried to keep from laughing.

"Yeah, Roxas, you're a natural," she muttered. Nearly all of the answers were wrong, but, knowing Bridget, she wasn't about to tell him that.

The fire alarm started screaming. The teacher was so panicked that she started telling the class how to get out of the school in Spanish, which no one understood, so they just ran for the nearest exit. Roxas and Bridget met up with Sora, Emme, Erica, and Riku in the parking lot.

"Why isn't the building on fire?" Roxas asked.

Erica slapped her forehead. "It's a brick building, bonehead."

"But I don't even smell smoke or anything," Riku said.

Emme and Sora started laughing. "What did you do…?" Bridget asked.

"We pulled the fire alarm!" Emme said, slapping Sora a high five.

"You guys do know that's a felony, right?" Bridget asked.

"So, it's a funny felony!" Sora answered.

"Well, they did get us out of class that horrible Spanish class…" Riku stated.

"Are you being an optimist? What's wrong with you?" Erica asked. They spent the rest of the period outside.

"So, I think I did pretty good on that Spanish quiz," Roxas said conversationally.

Bridget laughed. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"'Como te llama?' does not mean 'How is your llama?'."

"It doesn't? You could have told me that before I turned mine in. What does it mean?"

"What is your name?"

"My name is Roxas."

"NO! 'Come te llama?' MEANS 'What is your name?'" Bridget said, exasperated.

Erica and Riku laughed. The intercom clicked on, telling the students that it was okay to come back inside.

Erica and Riku walked off to their next class.

"Wait," Emme said, "I want to go to History with Bridget!"

Sora and Roxas exchanged a glance. Bridget had a thoughtful expression on her face.

"You guys like to sing, right? You could go to chorus," she said, smiling.

They shrugged, and stalked off in the direction of the music room. Emme and Bridget high fived, then doubled over laughing.

"Those poor music students…" Bridget said, wiping a tear from her eye. They set off towards Bridget's history class. On the way, they passed a locker decorated for someone's birthday.

"Bridget, I didn't know you were seventeen," Emme said, nudging her friend.

"I didn't either… Wait a sec, this isn't my locker!"

Emme smiled. "Oh, I know that's not your locker," she said vaguely.

"Right…" Bridget waved this aside. (Erica: This is not the locker you are looking for performs Jedi mind trick Bridget: Stop doing that and write your own part of the chapter!)

* * *

(Erica and Riku - Math)

"Didn't you take this class last year?" Riku asked as Erica lugged her extra large backpack that was her locker into the classroom.

"No," Erica said, her eyes shifting around suspiciously.

"Are you sure?" Riku asked.

"Yes, I'm positive I know my schedule more than you do and that I didn't get so many detentions in my last math class that the school district made me take it again."

"So, how come Bridget keeps mentioning her friends in her parts, and you haven't?" Riku asked, changing the subject as he once again took someone else's seat.

"Because Bridget got all the good friends in her classes and I was stuck with these losers," Erica said, digging through her bag for what Riku assumed was her homework.

"HEY!" said the girl behind Erica, who had been previously drawing a judgmental cow in her textbook.

"Not you, you're a good loser," Erica assured the girl while writing 'Those pants so don't go with that shirt' in a speech bubble above the girl's drawing.

"Class, please get out your calculators," the teacher said, once again walking into class late.

"Hey, do you have a calculator?" Riku asked Erica.

"We don't need them," Erica assured him, taking out her own.

"Hey," the girl behind Erica said, poking Erica in the back with a very sharp green pen, "Pst, it's the ghetto barn yard."

Riku looked at the note that had just been shoved into Erica's hand, containing the judgmental cow, a condescending chicken, a chronically depressed goat, and a spider suffering from arachnophobia.

"It's such a shame, after old McDonald left that farm of his really went to the dogs," Erica said, passing the note back.

"An alcoholic dog!" the girl behind Erica said, eagerly taking the paper back and scribbling on it.

In that class Riku learned several things, none of them attributing to math. He learned how to pass notes on a calculator, thread an iPod through his jacket so he could zone out (really, why would Erica be given so many detentions in this class?) and most importantly he learned all the lyrics to 'The Young and the Hopeless.'

They met up with a girl just as the bell rang and Erica yelled over her shoulder at the girl who had sat behind her, "Don't forget to vote for Hoagie for Homecoming King!"

"I can see him dancing with a cheerleader now," the girl called as they went their separate ways.

* * *

(Emme and Bridget – History)

The history teacher passed out mints when the girls came in and sat down. "I'd better be your least favorite teacher," she said sweetly.

"Why? You're so nice to us, and you keep giving us candy," one kid said.

"Because if I'm not your least favorite teacher, then I'll stop being nice and giving you treats," she said, the sugar leaving her voice.

"Ha!" Emme snorted. "You think you're evil? You should see what we did to Bridget's locker!"

The history teacher shrugged, assuming that Emme was being sarcastic and they had decorated Bridget's locker for her birthday. (Which isn't 'til February, by the way.) Bridget, on the other hand, knew that whatever Emme had done to her locker was not good, and kicked her softly under the desk.

The bell rang, and as Bridget and Emme headed for the door, they heard a chirping, and then a sickening crunch. The hair on the back of Bridget's neck stood up as she examined the bottom of her shoe.

"Shit!" muttered Bridget, trying to remove the evidence.

"You squished Lucky Cricket!" sobbed one boy.

"Run!" shouted Emme, dragging Bridget down the hallway, down a staircase, and all the way to Bridget's locker.

Her eyes went wide at the sight of her locker. It was charred, black, and dented.

"Emme… what did you do?"

"We were going to decorate in honor of this chapter, but Roxas thought it would be a better idea to blow it up, and I had brought fireworks to school anyway… Are you mad?"

"No, I'm not mad; I never even used this locker anyway. But you and Roxas are both chipping in to buy me a bigger backpack. Right?" She smiled one of her dangerous smiles, the kind that meant 'Give me what I want, or bad things will happen.'

"Yes?" Emme guessed. She knew these smiles well.

"Good. That was an awesome prank, though, Em. Are you guys hell bent on breaking every rule, or will you stop once you've successfully destroyed the place?"

"Whichever comes first," Emme said, laughing.

* * *

(Sora and Roxas – Chorus)

"Make it stop!" the students writhed on the floor.

The chorus teacher appeared from behind the Nobody and Other, beating the palm of his hand with a conducting stick.

"You, put your shirt on, and you, stop singing 'Beautiful Soul' this instant! You may have gotten away with this kind of thing in middle school, but I guarantee you won't here!"

Sora and Roxas gulped. Sora slipped his shirt over his head. (Erica: Justice at last! This is what you get for giving my nightmares about you singing shirtless in Atlantica, Sora!)

* * *

(Erica and Riku – English)

The students were gathering outside a small trailer, none of them daring to go in.

"Shouldn't we be worried about missing class?" Riku asked.

"That is the least of our worries now," said a girl with pinkish hair and a high voice.

"What do you mean?" Riku asked as Erica messed with her iPod. He couldn't help but feel like he had heard about this girl somewhere.

"The teacher, she is the human embodiment of evil," the girl said, and that is a direct quote.

"What does she mean?" Riku asked as Erica hurried him inside with the rest of the class just as the bell began to ring.

"You are all late, detention for you all," the teacher yelled, "who are you?"

"Um, my name is Riku, Riku… um…"

"Koil, he's my foreign exchange student… cousin?" Erica guessed. Why else would he have her last name?

"Kissing cousins," the girl with pink hair taunted from the back of the room. Riku still felt as if he should know her from somewhere.

"Well, it's great to have you in my class," the teacher said, her voice vacant of all emotion. She didn't seem too happy.

Riku took a seat next to Erica, who sat through the whole class, writing about a novel that from what Riku could gather was one of the most depressing things to ever be written.

"Class, I've decided that I want you to finish these essays today, instead of tomorrow. You have five minutes left to finish them. Unfortunately for you, that five minutes started five minutes ago. Turn in your papers. NOW!" the teacher said, making the first sound Riku had heard for the last hour, other than the child who had dropped his pencil and been gawked at for several moments. As the teacher said this she placed her hand on Riku's shoulder, her nails digging into his shirt.

As the class fought over who would get out the door and strongly reminded Riku of something he had once seen on the Discovery Channel about lions chasing buffalo (Erica doesn't care that buffalo are not native to lion territory), Riku massaged his shoulder.

"Guys, I think she drew blood," he said as Erica was joined with one of her friends and the girl with the pinkish hair.

"Of course she did, she will probably take it home and perform some sort of voodoo to turn you into a vampire," Erica's friend said.

"He already is one," giggled the girl with pink hair, "a vampire hula dancer on steroids with no sense of fashion."

"Wait, she knows that joke?" Riku asked.

"Bye guys, got to get to lunch," Erica said, rushing Riku off.

The girl with pinkish hair waved, the other one called, "Wait! I eat lunch with you!"

"That," hissed Erica, "is the co-co-founder of Between Two Claire's Pizza, and she has no clue we are using it. Please don't say anything; I don't want to be sued for copyright infringement."

Riku gave her a knowing stare.

"Fine, I don't want to be sued for copyright infringement, _again_," Erica said, pushing forward thorough the crowds of useless… I mean unimportant to the plot, people.

* * *

(Sora and Bridget – Geometry)

"Ew, you're in smart math?" Sora asked Bridget.

"Yeah, be careful Sora, or you might get smart sneezed on you," Bridget snickered.

"I'm not loving this guys, I'm not loving it," said the geometry teacher from her desk in the far corner of the room. The class ignored her.

"Hey, are you new?" asked Bridget's talkative friend. The rest of what she said was a blur, words smeared together in the canvas of empty air.

The narrator wishes she could write more about this class, but nothing else happened, because Bridget and Sora fell asleep during this class. (Bridget: What? This class is at the end of the day. What are you going to do, sue me? Narrator: I wish, but sadly, I'm just the disembodied voice that narrates this random story. Bridget: That's what I thought!)

* * *

(Erica and Riku – History)

This was yet another class where Riku learned nothing to do with the actual subject. He did suddenly understand why Erica was no fan of cheerleaders.

"Ew, we have a quiz today?" one of them said, taking her seat in front of Erica, who was watching the kid with the Mohawk standing in the hall.

"Yes, but its geography, if you know your continents you should be fine," Erica said, still watching the child with the Mohawk as he was joined by the boy Erica had dubbed The Mad Hatter.

Riku watched as the cheerleader counted on her fingers. "I know five of them."

"Did you remember Antarctica?" Erica asked, watching as the cute older guys went away.

"No, so what else am I missing?" the cheerleader asked.

"Um, what do you have?" Erica asked as the teacher started passing out the quizzes.

"I have Europe, Australia, Asia, North America, and the United States. Oh, and Antarctica now."

"That's… that's only six, and the United States isn't a continent." Erica said.

"Do they all act like that?" Riku said, wondering how the cheerleader all managed to wear short uniform skirts while none of the others were allowed.

"No, it's the few like her that ruin it for the rest of them.

(Sorry to any smart cheerleaders, I understand it isn't all of you, just like the emo stereotype doesn't apply to all.)

* * *

(Sora and Bridget – Gym)

Bridget and Sora walked into the Gym, and took a seat on the bleachers, where they were joined by Bridget's friend from Geometry, her other friend from English, and a redhead that Sora did not recognize. (Who has made a previous appearance in this story when Riku beats him up in Chapter 31.)

"I'm so jealous of that silver-haired guy…" the redhead muttered.

It took Bridget and Sora only seconds to realize that he was talking about Riku.

"Yeah, give it up," said Bridget's English friend. "Erica's got Riku."

"Listen up, ladies!" the gym teacher projected. "Today, we are going to run laps around the field, until you puke!"

"Fun, fun, fun," Sora whispered.

"He reminds me of a drill sergeant," Bridget's Geometry friend stated.

The girls and boys dressed out, and ran to the track. The coach started babbling about how half the class went the wrong way, and something about cows jumping off cliffs.

Though nobody threw up, by the time the bell rang, more than half of the class was sprawled across the track, not willing to move. But of course, if you've ever been to school (and I'm hoping most of you have) you know that the bell can bring the dead back to life.

* * *

(Erica and Riku – Biology)

"Biology should be fun, it's like dissecting things right?" Riku asked as Erica led him through the ice-cold hallway that smelled like charred locker.

"No, it's like talking about the metric system," Erica said, walking into the cold class and joining a small group of kids that Riku could have very easily picked out as Erica's friends.

"Get to work!" the teacher barked as several students pulled out their textbooks.

She paused at random moments to yell at the children for not working, at which point Erica would respond "Who says we aren't?" and the girl next to Erica would have to cover it up by saying "Yes ma'am," very loudly.

By the time the day was over Riku realized that this so not been worth the ten dollars Sora had paid him.

* * *

Erica's author's notes: wow, got to love inside jokes, some of them still funny to outsiders. Anyway, I still can't believe Bridget and I got through this chapter with out mentioning any names, except for Hoagie, and it's only because that's too awesome of a name to waste. And as for my advice this time here it is: Never name your child Hoagie! 


	39. Not Just Gay, SCARY GAY!

Hey, it's me, Bridget, again. (Don't you guys ever get tired of me?) Erica's writing her chapter as we speak, and she added a couple little comments in this chapter as well. Not much else to say, 'cept, when you get to the end of that chapter, don't kill me, okay:D

* * *

It was pouring rain outside The Castle That Never Was. Sora and Riku were watching a horror movie in the dark, the big screen casting an eerie pale light on their terrified faces. A loud crash of thunder was accompanied by the door slamming open, and a shadow spilling on to the floor cast from the light in the hallway. Riku and Sora screamed for dear life, clinging on to each other tightly, just in time… (Erica: And you thought we would never agree with slash… Bridget: Not what I meant!) 

"Say cheese!"

…For Bridget to whip out her cell phone and snap a quick picture. She flipped on the light switch and walked into the room, Sora and Riku hissing angrily when the bright light filled the room. They rubbed their eyes with fisted hands, trying to clear the spots from their vision.

"You guys are so my new wallpaper!" she said, pressing a series of buttons on her phone and falling backwards onto the couch between Sora and Riku with practiced ease.

"Bridget, you almost gave me a heart attack!" Sora whined.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Scare easy much?"

Riku elbowed her in the ribs and pointed at the TV screen. Bridget had seen the movie many times before, but the frozen picture on the screen made her jump.

"Stay Alive?" she asked, her brow furrowed. "You guys shouldn't be watching this, especially considering you guys are video game characters." Bridget walked over to the DVD player and popped the disc out. "And that's that."

"We weren't scared of the movie," Riku whined, "You just came in at a suspenseful part."

"Right…"

The two boys took in her appearance for the first time. Bridget was soaked from head to toe, to the bone. Her red hair was damp and tangled, clinging to her face; her wet jeans were plastered to her body; and her sopping hooded sweatshirt was weighing her down. She pulled her sweatshirt over her head and wrung it out on the floor.

"Where have you been?" Sora asked incredulously.

"Football game. It's really pouring out there."

"Where's Erica?" Riku asked, with eyes narrowed.

"Out of town," Bridget answered, pouring a small ocean out of her shoe.

"I hope she comes back soon," Riku said thoughtfully.

"Me too," Sora agreed.

"Me three," Bridget added.

A loud clap of thunder shook the castle. The lights flicked for a minute, and then shut off altogether, plunging the residents of The Castle That Never Was into complete darkness. Bridget squeaked.

"Who's there?"

"Who said that?"

"That was my foot!"

Riku's exasperated sigh was easily recognizable. "Alright, let me handle this, guys. I think I can get us around without seeing, because of the blindfold and all. Let's just go find the others."

Sora and Bridget's nods of agreement were lost in the dark, but they linked hands with each other, and Bridget reached for Riku's hand. Riku pulled them out into the pitch black hallway, Bridget trailing behind, and Sora bringing up the rear. An awkward silence settled over the group, until it was decided that a conversation was needed to distract them from the situation.

"So, how was the game?" Riku asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh, it was great! I wish Erica could have been there, the cheerleaders had to wear plastic bags because of the rain." She snickered. "It started raining cats and dogs after halftime, though. But we won!"

"You know," Sora said, laughing nervously, "Maybe it wasn't the greatest idea to be watching horror movies. Especially the ones where after the power goes out, the good guys start disappearing…"

"Is Sora trying to tell us that he's scared?" Bridget asked mockingly.

"No!" Sora huffed.

Riku and Bridget laughed loudly.

Another earsplitting rumble of thunder, followed by the loud crack of a streak of lightning as it illuminated the end of the hall, casting distorted shadows. Bridget swallowed thickly, taking faster steps to stay closer to Riku, and Sora did the same.

"And the funny one always goes first!" he finished.

"Just don't think about it," Riku said determinedly.

Bridget was quiet for a moment. But oh, was it brief. "If Erica were here, she'd say something snarky, like 'You have nothing to worry about Sora, because if that were true, then Riku's the one who should be worried'."

Sora laughed a little more easily, while Riku stiffened.

Sighing, Bridget tried to boost the group's morale. "Come on, guys, you're the fearless heroes of the Keyblade! You can't be spooked by a movie! If anyone's got to worry it's me, because it's usually the weak and defenseless (good thing Erica isn't here…) who become the first victims. So stop your blubbering!"

"Right!" Sora and Riku said, with strengthened resolve.

Unfortunately, the warm, fuzzy moment was shattered by a shrill scream of terror, coming from the direction they had come from. It sent shivers up the trio's spine.

"Guys, that sounded like Kairi," Sora said, starting to turn back.

Bridget and Riku didn't budge. "Obviously you didn't learn a thing from those horror movies," Bridget said, shaking her head.

"That's because they have no morals or educational value," Riku said.

"No, but they can teach you a thing or two about common sense," Bridget continued. "The best thing we can do for now is get the lights turned back on. There's no use in going back." She tugged on Sora's arm.

"But I can't leave Kairi," Sora said firmly, starting back, pulling his hand out of Bridget's.

"Wait!" Riku and Bridget shouted.

Bridget reached for Sora's arm. Her fingers brushed against his wrist, but she closed her hand too late, and he took off running down the hall.

They sighed loudly. "Then again," Riku said, smacking his forehead with his palm, "he never was practical."

"He's not coming back," Bridget noted quietly.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, either he's going to find Kairi and be a hero and stay with her, or he walked into a trap. So basically, he's screwed anyway." Riku noticed that for some reason, Bridget sounded slightly happier at the later prospect.

"Why now?" Riku moaned.

"Because, to quote Erica, 'Karma's a bitch'!"

But the two began to grow uneasy, and Sora didn't return.

"Hey, did you notice that it's been dark for a while now and our eyes still haven't adjusted?" Bridget asked, trying to change the subject. "Weird, huh?"

"Something's wrong," Riku agreed. "We've gotta go back for him." He tore down the hallway, his hand also slipping out of her grasp. Not wanting to be alone, she ran after him, but since she couldn't even see her hand in front of her own face, she tripped and fell, crashing to the floor. Bridget contemplated just staying there, until something grabbed her foot and dragged her back, into the shadows. She was too scared to even scream.

* * *

"Unh… my head." Bridget blinked blearily. Wherever she was, it was still dark. 

"Bridget, is that you?" came a voice from somewhere in the room, though she couldn't quite determine which direction it was coming from. It sounded like Emme, but Bridget couldn't be too sure.

"Yes, it's me," she called back.

The intercom clicked, and a buzzing fluorescent light turned on overhead. She shut her eyes to shield them against the light. As soon as her eyes adjusted to the annoyingly bright light, Bridget looked around the room. It looked as if most of the Kingdom Hearts cast (plus Emme) had been rounded up, tied to chairs, and held hostage in the most bleak, depressing white room known to man.

_And, _she thought, as she tried to stand up, but couldn't, as she was restrained, _I am too._

"Where the fuck are we?" the voice asked again, and this time she was positive it was Emme. The blonde was trying to escape the tiny prison of her uncomfortable wooden chair, to no avail.

"Emme! It is you!" Bridget cried.

Emme looked up; she had been trying to gnaw on the ropes that held her to the chair. She smiled brightly, then straightened in her chair as the intercom clicked again. It occurred to Bridget that whoever was controlling the PA system was also probably listening to them. Frantically, her eyes searched the room for Axel and Roxas, but they too were tied to chairs.

_"Greetings."_

"HOLYSHITIT'SJIGSAW!" Sora shouted, squirming desperately against his restraints.

Bridget whipped around and shot a glare at Riku. "You let him watch Saw!? Why would you do that!?"

Riku offered a small shrug. "I said we should have watched Blades of Glory, but Sora was all, 'No, let's have a horror movie marathon' and-" Bridget raised an eyebrow. "Okay, fine, it was my idea to watch scary movies." Riku slumped in his chair.

"_You may not know me, but I know you. And I could tell you why you are here, but it seems most of you are familiar with the Saw franchise that I am completely ripping off, so I should probably just tell you why you're all doomed and watch you run around for two hours and then die."_

"Yeah, cut to the chase already!" Axel shouted.

_"Very well. As soon as I am done delivering this message to you, the headphones all of you are wearing will turn on and play some of the most awful music you've ever heard in your life. You will have two hours to escape, or die. Prove yourselves worthy of your existence. Goodbye."_

"What existence?" Roxas wondered out loud.

The music reached Demyx's ears first, which was evident by the way he was yelling and writhing in pain. Seconds later, everyone else heard the music, and the only one enjoying it was Roxas. (Erica: Do we really have to tell them what music it is? We do use this joke in like every chapter. Bridget: Of course not. Just smile and wave.)

Bridget shook her head from side to side, trying to dislodge the headphones. After several attempts, they finally fell to the floor with a clatter. She only caught a couple seconds of the song. Several more pairs of headphones hit the floor, and she turned around to see that Axel, Emme, Sora, and Riku had also escaped. And then Roxas started singing.

"Does anyone have something to throw at him?" Emme asked. Sora managed to dislodge the shoe from his left foot and fling it at his Nobody. The giant yellow shoe hit Roxas square in the head with enough force to knock his entire chair over, and him with it.

"At least he's quiet now," Axel remarked, burning through his rope.

Demyx tried to short circuit his headphones with water, but the effect was something similar to dropping a toaster in a bathtub. Or sticking your finger in an electric socket. What I, the narrator, am really trying to say is that now matter how you put it, Demyx got shocked. Like a moth in a bug zapper. (Bridget: That's enough already!) His hair stood straight up, and his face was blackened.

"Ow…" He coughed, but was otherwise unharmed. You know, except for the mentally scarring song, that is.

Before long, the rest of the room had managed to get their headphones off (some more painfully than others) without any long-term damaging effects. Axel had gone around the room and scorched off everyone's restraints. Bridget flexed her fingers, feeling the blood flow back into her hands.

"Thanks. Axel, go wake Roxas up, he might have a concussion," Bridget said.

Axel nodded and walked over to the seemingly sleeping blond. He shook him, shouting "Hey, Roxas are you concussed? Are you dead?"

Emme slapped her forehead. The intercom crackled, warning them that their captor was going to speak again. _"I see that you have escaped your bindings. However, I regret to inform you that all the exits to this room are locked."_

Bridget smiled brightly. "Oh, no, whatever will we do? If only we had a strange, key-shaped weapon that could open any kind of lock…"

Riku caught on. "You mean, like a Keyblade? I wonder where we can get one of those."

"Hey, anybody else notice that 'Jigsaw' sounds suspiciously like a Darth Vader Voice Changer?" Emme asked. She was met by blank stares.

Bridget spoke up. "Our brothers are Star Wars dorks. Anybody got a problem with that?" No one objected. "Good."

Sora, Riku, Bridget, Emme, Demyx, and Axel carrying an unconscious Roxas made their way out of the room, using Sora's Keyblade to unlock the door, and conveniently forgetting to free everyone else.

* * *

When they were out in the dark hallway once more, Bridget's cell phone began to ring and vibrate at the same time, causing Bridget to jump and scream. (Bridget: Yes, my cell phone always scares me when it goes off.) 

It was none other than Erica. "Hey, I'm on my way home. What's up?"

Bridget took a deep breath and long-windedly explained the situation. "When-I-got-home-from-the-homecoming-game-the-power-went-out-and-we-all-got-kidnapped-and-locked-in-a-room-where-we-were-forced-to-listen-to-really-bad-music-but-we-escaped-so-now-we're-trying-to-find-some-freak-with-a-Darth-Vader-Voice-Changer."

"Um, what?" Erica asked.

Riku sighed and snatched the phone from Bridget. "Who would be most likely to have a Darth Vader Voice Changer thing?"

"Logan," Erica answered.

"I see."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Erica promised, hanging up the phone.

Turning back to the group, Riku suggested that they go check Logan's room. They nodded wordlessly and started down the hall. (Bridget summoned up a couple flashlights with her notebook.)

They came to the end of the passageway. Riku turned the knob silently and pushed open the door.

"I don't think this is Logan's room…" Bridget said, taking in the vast array of torture devices, as well as the tray of pink cupcakes on the table.

"Of course not. If this were Logan's room, there'd be Hello Kitty wallpaper, Disney Princess bedding, and a Barbie playhouse!" Emme said, trying to cheer the group up.

Sora and Demyx rushed over to the cupcakes, but Riku smacked their hands away. "You idiots! There's cyanide and arsenic in these!"

Riku gestured at a sign labeling the cupcakes. Sora dug his toe into the carpet, while Demyx pointed out that the other ingredients in the cupcakes were happiness, pixie dust, and pure sugar.

"You definitely don't need sugar," Riku said firmly.

He was about to toss the cupcakes, but Bridget rushed over and snatched the tray out of his hands. "You can't throw these out! These are genius! I mean, everyone likes cupcakes, nobody would expect them to be lethal."

She set the tray back on the table, picked up the sign, and pulled a black marker out of her pocket. Bridget scribbled something on the back of the sign and set it back on the table. Riku read the sign and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Don't you think Erica would want this?" Bridget asked, elbowing him in the ribs.

Riku sighed. "You're right." Bridget grinned her Cheshire grin.

Axel and Emme were standing by the edge of a very large pit. Emme held Roxas's feet, while Axel held Roxas's arms above his head. On the count of three, they swung him, and threw him into the pit. They high fived as Bridget, Sora, Riku, and Demyx fixed them with a strange look.

"What are you guys doing?" Demyx asked.

"Losing the dead weight," Axel said simply.

"But that sign says it's a pit full of tigers," Sora pointed out.

Emme and Axel whistled. "What are you talking about? This is most definitely a pit full of harmless tabby cats."

Riku and Bridget, disbelieving, peered over the edge of the pit. "They look like tigers to me," Riku stated.

"So what? They're asleep, let's just leave him there," Bridget said. No one argued, so the small party left the room one member short.

This time Bridget led the way, leading them upstairs, downstairs, through dark hallways, and to the end of the world and back. When the group finally stopped, they were exactly across the hall from where they had been when they started. She gestured grandly at the door. "_This _is Logan's room."

Emme, Axel, and Riku clapped their foreheads, while Sora and Demyx clapped their hands.

Bridget kicked the door down overdramatically, storming inside like a girl on a mission. "The jig is up… Jigsaw!"

So they entered the lair of a supposedly dangerous criminal mastermind to find…

…Bridget's brother staring blankly at a TV screen, fingers moving furiously on an XBOX 360 controller. Emme waved a hand in front of his face. There was no response. The group turned their attention to the screen.

"Oh, he's playing Halo 3. No wonder…" Sora said. (Killing gamer brain cells since 2001.)

Riku and Axel started poking him, trying to get a reaction out of the younger child. Emme pushed them aside.

"Let me show you how it's done." She took a few steps back, crouched down, muscles coiled, and prepared to spring. Without warning, she pounced.

"CUDDLE BUNNY!"

Logan finally snapped out of his trance-like state as the teenager flew at him, tackling him to the ground.

"Um… she's joking, right?" Demyx whispered in Bridget's ear.

"No," Bridget said, straight faced, "One of my friends is seriously interested in my kid brother." They were both silent for a moment. "OF COURSE SHE'S JOKING, YOU MORON!"

"He's alive!" Emme confirmed, from the other side of the room.

"Ow, my head," Logan complained. "What brings you guys here?"

Sora pranced over to them. "We could ask you the same question, Jigsaw!" And he pulled off what he thought was a mask of Logan's face to reveal…

…Logan's face. The group was very confused.

"Wait – aren't you Jigsaw?" Axel asked.

"No. I have the best costume idea ever!" Logan said proudly.

"You're going as a hideously mutated younger sibling?" Bridget guessed slyly.

"Yes. I mean no!" Logan scowled. "I'm going as an FBI agent, disguised as… myself."

"Say what?" Riku asked.

The small party was silent as they exchanged glances over Logan's head. Bridget looked thoughtful for a moment, staring over at the XBOX.

"Hey, Logan? Where'd you get that XBOX from?"

"Maleficent gave it to me, since I let her use my Darth Vader Voice Changer for her evil plot to take over the show." He clapped a hand over his mouth. "I didn't just say that."

"Nice one, idiot," Emme commented.

Logan stuck his tongue out. "Well, it doesn't matter, because you'll never be able to stop her!"

"It's worse than I thought…" Riku observed. "She's clearly brainwashed him."

"Oh no, who's gonna stop the big bad dragon lady?" Sora mocked.

Bridget fixed Axel with a glare. "Aren't you and Roxas the ones who brought that witch back to life?"

"Maybe…" Axel said guiltily. (Bridget: I think so! It says so in Kingdom Hearts: Another Report.)

"Come on guys, all we gotta do is 'slay the dragon'," Demyx said optimistically.

* * *

"Run, run away!" shouted Demyx, getting out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him, creating a portal just before he reached the door. 

"Ah, good ole reliable Demyx," Bridget said spitefully, holding up a shield to block another jet of green flame.

Axel hurled his chakrams at the Maleficent dragon, which left two deep scratches near her throat and returned to him, like boomerangs. Emme chucked several ninja stars with precision, which pierced the dragon's wings, before rolling out of the way of a green fireball. Sora and Riku circled Maleficent, attacking her with their Keyblades whenever possible, but managing to avoid her lethal claws and fire breath.

Eventually Maleficent lost so much energy that she couldn't sustain her reptilian form, which was just fine with Bridget, Emme, Riku, Sora, and Axel, because they would beat the shit out of her either way. Riku dealt the final blow, slashing her with Way to Dawn. She staggered backward, clutching at where her heart might have been, you know, if she weren't a cruel, sadistic, wicked, evil bitch.

Maleficent was prolonging her defeat, dragging out her destruction by moaning, and overdramatically acting out her "death". That is, until a metallic clang was heard, and she fell face first onto the floor. Behind her, Erica stood with a metal pail full of water, which she then poured over the witch.

"I'm melting! I'm melting!" she screamed.

"Anyone got a problem with that?" Erica asked; hand on her hip, holding the bucket upside down.

"No, not at all." Axel grinned.

"Erica!" Riku, Sora, and Bridget shouted, rushing over and embracing their friend.

Erica slipped out of Sora and Bridget's grasp, hugging Riku. Bridget and Sora didn't seem to notice until several moments later, when they jumped apart and blushed a shade of light pink. Sora whistled nonchalantly, while Bridget dug her toe into the stone floor. Erica and Riku laughed.

Emme nudged all that was left of Maleficent, her soggy black cloak, with her toe. She turned to Axel.

"What should we do with this?" she asked him.

Axel pulled a cigarette lighter out of his pocket. "Let's burn it."

"Let's," Emme agreed. (Bridget: Don't worry, she'll be back later.)

"So, what now?" asked Riku.

"I say we give out some awards!" Erica suggested.

* * *

"And the nominees for the **Best Yaoi Pairing Award** are…" 

**"Cloud and Leon!"**

**"Riku and Sora!"**

**"Sora and Roxas!"**

**"Roxas and Riku!"**

**"Axel and Roxas!"**

**"Zexion and Axel!"**

**"Demyx and Zexion!"**

**"Xigbar and Demyx!"**

**"And Mansex- **(I mean, Xemnas) **and Saïx!"**

"Are you fucking insane!?" the nominees asked Erica and Bridget.

"Of course we are, but that was nothing to do with this!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Then what the hell are you doing?" Riku asked.

"We're trying to shed some light on the many odd yaoi pairings," Erica said. "Just relax; it's not what you think."

"Well," Bridget announced, "the first couple to go is Sora and Roxas, because, let's face it, that's worse than twincest." She shuddered. "Unfortunately, we're going to have to ask you both to stay on the stage, since you've been nominated several times."

"Next to go is Riku and Roxas, because, people, they tried to KILL each other! Does that not mean anything to you!?" Erica shouted hysterically.

"Now we're eliminating Cloud and Leon, because they are both too masculine to be gay, and they have requested at long sword/gunblade point that we kindly leave them out of this," Bridget said nervously.

Leon and Cloud beamed at them, proudly walking off the stage.

"Axel and Roxas are next to go, because there is something ILLEGAL about that pairing! And Axel is not a pedophile!" Erica yelled. "But you guys are both sluts," she added.

Roxas happily walked off the stage, joining Naminé, the only proof we have that he is not gay. Axel sulked and crossed his arms.

"Mans- Xemnas and Saïx, you're gone too!" Bridget said, catching herself quickly as Xemnas's eyes narrowed. "Not because I doubt you're gay, but because I get mental scars every time I even think about you two being gay."

Xemnas and Saïx stormed angrily off stage.

"Right… and now we're eliminating Xigbar and Demyx, because I think that also falls under the category of child molestation, and you know Demyx is too naïve, child-like, and innocent to even think about such things," Erica said. "And you know Xigbar would be gay with Xaldin, anyway."

Xigbar happily skipped off stage twirling his gun arrows, until he remembered that was how he lost his first eye.

"Same for Zexion and Demyx, plus, doesn't it seem un-Demyx-like to hang out with someone so 'dark and sensitive with low self-esteem'?" Bridget asked.

Demyx also walked off stage, headed straight for the kitchen, where he knew a cookie the size of his head would be waiting for him.

"Now that we're down to our last two couples…" Erica began.

"We're getting rid of Sora and Riku, because Kairi and Erica are proof that they're not gay," Bridget finished. "Come to think of it, we probably should have eliminated them first…"

"And that leaves Axel and Zexion as our winners!" Erica announced, handing them a shiny trophy.

"What!?" Axel and Zexion spluttered in unison.

"You guys are so cute together!" Erica explained. "Because Axel's so tall and you're so short, Zexy!"

"I hate my life," Zexion said bleakly, the one eye that wasn't covered by his curtain of hair widened.

"Um… Erica?" Bridget asked, taking a couple steps back from the angry mob of fangirls (which made up almost the entire audience) that had gathered on stage, torches, pitchforks, and several other brutal weapons at the ready.

"That's all for now!" Erica shouted quickly. "See you next time on-"

"Kingdom Hearts Awards!" Bridget finished, running by and grabbing Erica's arm. The two sprinted off stage and far away from the fangirls.

"I can't help but feel like we forgot something," Bridget added quietly to Erica as they ran off.

* * *

"'For Yuffie and Naminé'," Yuffie read, examining a small plaque by a tray of scrumptious-looking cupcakes. 

Naminé snatched the sign out of the hyper ninja's hands, turning it over and reading the back. "'Ingredients: C..., a..., happiness, pixie dust, and pure sugar'."

She tapped Yuffie on the shoulder. "What do the first two say?"

"Hm…" Yuffie said thoughtfully. "Chocolate and… a-something. Let's eat!"

Each girl reached tentatively for a cupcake, but was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them. They turned around guiltily, to find Roxas, covered in a few small scratches and bandages, leading a tiger on a leash.

"Were you going to share those?"

"Um, is that tiger with you?" they asked.

"Yes, we had some hard times at first, but everything is ok now," he said, grabbing a cupcake and swallowing it whole.

* * *

O.o Like I said before, please don't kill me for the yaoi thing. I meant no offense to anybody, it was just a joke. Please review, no flames, and have a nice day! 


	40. Sank Like a Rock

(Erica's Chapter - Author's Notes at the end)

* * *

"Isn't she beautiful!?" Erica said, petting the wood of the brand new pirate ship, docked in the Dock That Was Never Meant To Be. Yes, they have a dock in The World That Never Was! "I'm going to call her the S.S. Rock."

"Her?" Riku asked skeptically.

"Don't offend her or you won't get to go sailing," Erica announced proudly, "On my new boat!"

"Erica, where did you get this boat?" Bridget asked her overjoyed friend.

" I …borrowed it," Erica said.

"We're bloody pirates, where do you think she got it? We don't exactly buy things now do we?" said a figure emerging from below deck.

"Oh, and meet my crew!" announced the ecstatic Erica, waving her hand in a gesture to indicate the three figures standing on board her new ship.

Jack Sparrow (no longer Captain), Luxord (I swear he's a pirate, he gambles and has multiple earrings, which is good enough for me!), and Xigbar stood waving.

"The pirate to ninja ratio in this game is really sad, especially since Xigbar is playing for both sides," Demyx said, looking over Erica's crew.

"What the heck did you just say?" Sora asked, walking up to the small crowd of Bridget, Axel, Demyx, and Riku standing at the dock. Roxas trailed behind Sora, dragging his new pet tiger, currently known as Roxel. Axel had protested to the naming of the tiger, but Roxas didn't hear him, since he must be partly deaf, considering he enjoys "Beautiful Soul". (Really, the joke is starting to get old, but we will use it till it dies!)

"I said that Xigbar is both pirate and ninja," Demyx said.

"Oh, I just heard the last part," Sora commented, joining the crowd, "Whose boat?"

"Mine!" Erica cheered. "And we are all going for a ride on it to christen her this afternoon!"

"YAY! Can Roxel come?" Roxas asked.

"I am not getting on the same boat with him until he agrees to change the name of that tiger!" Axel protested.

"Fine, Roxas can't come at all, but now we have room for one extra person," Erica said, scanning the area of the dock.

"How about Pence? That way, if the ship crashes we could eat him!" Sora pointed out.

"Cannibal!" Erica screamed, running below deck, too frightened of Sora to point out her sailing skills were extraordinary and the S.S. Rock would never, ever, ever crash. (Bridget: -snicker-)

"Great, now we have to go save the captain from panic attacks before we can go sailing and steal the ship," Luxord said.

"What was that?" Bridget asked.

"Nothing, he just meant the first part. Just the first part. Not the last part," Xigbar said, dragging Jack and Luxord below deck. The sound of their feet hitting the floor with a thud was shortly followed by a hard smack and Xigbar screaming, "You idiot!"

After much persuasion Erica agreed to come back to the wheel and get the day's christening celebrations under way. Once they were pretty far out into the Sea of Nonexistence, Erica tied down the wheel and left her post for the picnic (where they would NOT be serving Pence) and several other activities. Demyx, who was in the crow's nest, was the only one not allowed to leave his post (even though it would be logically impossible for them to hit land with the wheel tied down so the ship was just turning in circles…)

"To start of today's party, we have the walk the plank activity!" Erica cheered.

"First today, walking the plank is Captain Hook, since he isn't really anything but an embarrassment to pirates. I mean his pirate ship in Neverland was so fucked up (pardon my Spanish) that any pirate would have cringed away and made Bridget play that part of the game for her. Seriously, you were like taking on water, and had no one down there trying to fix it! So, we are forcing you to walk the plank today Mr. Hook, and we are also going to explain that in a real ship, unlike yours, the plank isn't a permanent part of the ship, so if you refuse to walk, well, we can do this," Erica said, giving the signal (a peace sign… irony) to Luxord, who jumped off the piece of wood he was standing on, and sent Mr. Hook tumbling over the side. "Luckily for you, Mr. Hook, we don't have crocodiles. Of course we do have sharks."

"Say hello to Sparky the Sharky from Atlantica for me!" Bridget called as everyone cheered.

"And next to walk the plank for his crimes," Erica began as Luxord went to fetch a new plank (always carry spares!) and Jack brought out a bound figure.

"No! You are so not going to feed my brother to the sharks!" Bridget said, grabbing Logan from Jack's midst. "I'm sure we can come up with a less dangerous punishment for him then having him ripped limb from limb… on second thought…"

"No, no Erica, no Bridget, we are not feeding Logan to the sharks," Riku said, "Now Jack, go and fetch the next person to walk the plank."

"Ok, well, in this recent change of events, the next person to walk the plank shouldn't come as a surprise to most of you, especially since I have recently refilled my hate for her and have convinced Bridget to partly hate her as well. Let's give a hand for Yuffie!"

"Didn't we kill her in the last chapter?" Bridget asked as Jack brought a struggling Yuffie above deck.

"Yes, but you are forgetting that Yuffie just doesn't die!" Erica said as Yuffie was poked off the end of a plank, thus ending the plank ceremonies.

Up next was the giving of the **Best Crew Member ****Award**.

"Well, since Xigbar is both pirate and ninja we have to eliminate you, I'm so very sorry," Erica said, Xigbar sneaking off into the distance, roughly in the direction of the captain's wheel.

"And I think since Jack is an official pirate it is less fun, so the award should go to Luxord," Bridget pointed out.

"Xigbar, since you were the first to get kicked off you should present this award," Erica called.

"I'm kind of busy right now," Xigbar called.

"Get over here, I'm the captain, and if you don't listen to me I will make you walk the plank!" Erica screamed, causing Xigbar to appear and hand Luxord the trophy.

"Ok, the next activity is rigging climbing!" Riku announced.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Axel asked.

"Only if you suck at it," Erica said, grabbing a fistful of ropes and hauling herself up the main mast. Everyone seemed to be doing a great job, except for Sora, who had attached himself to a mast in a very gay way and was refusing to climb any higher, much to Bridget's dismay.

"Guys, I see land," Demyx called, "but don't worry, it's really far away."

"Demyx, I think you are holding that thing the wrong way," Axel called.

"Oh," Demyx said, turning the eyeglass the other way. "In that case—"

**CRASH!**

"That's impossible, the wheel was tied, we should have stayed at sea," Erica commented.

"Um, Captain, I think we are taking on water," Jack called from the riggings.

"How much?" Erica asked.

"Well, the entire deck is covered in water," Jack said.

"In that case, I would suggest jumping overboard and swimming to shore."

They had remembered to bring extra planks, but lifeboats had been an oversight. Don't get me wrong; Erica is a pirate, just a very forgetful one.

"My beautiful ship, she's sinking!" Erica cried.

"Well, you did name her the S.S. Rock. Isn't that kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy?" Riku asked from the shore of the deserted island.

"She went down like a rock," Demyx said sadly.

"I can't believe you forgot to tie the wheel back!" Luxord yelled, drawing attention to Erica's small crew.

"You mean you guys are the reason we are here!?" Sora screamed. "Now we are going to have to eat Pence!"

"We are not eating Pence!" Bridget insisted.

"If I learned anything from Lord of the Flies, it's that in order to survive until we get rescued we have to eat someone, and it can't be Axel, cause he isn't even enough for one meal!" Sora protested.

"Score!" Axel cheered.

"Did you even read Lord of the Flies?" Erica asked.

"Listen, Riku and I will go off to find some coconuts and leaves to eat, and then we will sit down and calmly plan our way off this island," Erica continued, dragging Riku into the woods. Bridget followed, throwing a glare at Sora as she left.

When they came back an hour later with much food Luxord, Axel, Demyx, Sora, and Jack sat around a fire they had built next to the big help sign that they had made out of sticks.

"Guys, where is Pence?" Bridget asked as Erica dropped her pile of food and fainted, causing Riku to drop his food to catch her.

"Don't worry, we gave him the **Lord of the Flies**** Award**, you know, to soften the blow," Sora said.

"But we were only gone an hour!" Riku said.

"We got hungry. Anyway, it's not like he's dead, he'll come back in the next chapter, like these characters have a habit of doing. But then we got hungry again…"

"Don't eat me!" Erica screamed, coming out of her faint and running towards the woods. Riku followed to bring her back.

"I was just going to say, we made sushi," Sora said, holing out a plate of California rolls for Bridget to examine.

"Why couldn't you have done that before you ate Pence?"

"We didn't think of it then. Anyway, we killed the dolphin from Atlantica to make it."

"All right! I've been wanting to make sushi out of that dolphin!" Bridget said, sitting down on a log by the fire.

* * *

"That was the best damn sushi ever!" Bridget said.

Pence began to materialize next to Sora on the log.

"Hey, man, you left your trophy here," Axel said, offering the **Lord of the Flies** trophy to Pence.

"Thanks," Pence said, taking the trophy and putting a piece of sushi in his mouth.

The narrator would like to pause here to explain that all the characters killed off in these chapters come back every night at midnight, and therefore can't be considered dead. It's kind of like Kenny on South Park, but in a slightly more negative way, considering I like Kenny… I mean, the narrator likes Kenny. So, nobody can sue us or take us to jail for murder, considering you can't really kill a fictional character.

"Guys, I'm hungry again," Sora announced.

"I have a cell phone, but the battery only has enough left for one last call," Axel announced.

"Why didn't you point this out before you guys ate me!?" Pence screamed. That sentence will probably never be repeated in the English language.

Sora snatched the phone for Axel and dialed a number.

"Hello, is this Domino's pizza?" he asked.

The group groaned.

"Yes, we would like three cheese pizzas, one pepperoni, and some of those cinnamon stick things. Anyone want anything else?"

"Yes, we want someone to get us off the island!" Bridget screamed, taking the phone and slamming it shut just as the battery died. "I call 'not it' on explaining it to Erica that Sora just threw away our last chance of survival."

"Like she needs another reason to hate him," Riku mumbled.

Erica joined the circle around the fire holding a piece of wood in her hands.

"This could be a piece of my beloved Rock," Erica said, cradling the wood.

"We're so sorry for your loss," Bridget said as Sora grabbed the wood from Erica and threw it in the fire.

"What?" he asked when everyone turned to glare at him, "We don't want to freeze to death do we?"

"We are going to die on this island!" Demyx moaned.

"And it's all Xigbar's fault!" Axel pointed out.

"Hey, losers, Xemnas said I had to come get you," Saix said, appearing from the forest.

"My savior!" Demyx said, wrapping his arms around Saix's knees in a giant bear hug.

"Where did you come from?" Riku asked.

"The castle."

"But we are on a deserted island," Erica pointed out.

"Um, no. Is that what you thought? We were wondering why you had been out here all day, but Zexion said not to question it and just enjoy the peace. No, the Sea of Nonexistence border's Marluxia's garden. If you had walked around the beach you would have been back in the castle. Anyway, Marluxia also wants Riku and Erica, and anyone else who wants to go into his woods to die a horrible death. He will only except flowers as an apology."

"And chocolates!" Marluxia added, popping out of the woods.

"OMG! You were in the woods, watching us all suffer! You creep!" Erica screeched.

"And you didn't help us!" Axel demanded.

"Can I kill him now?" Riku asked.

"Hey losers, your pizza is getting cold, hurry up!" Saix called on his way back to the castle.

* * *

Ah, the anti-climactic-ness of it all, oh well. This is Erica, signing out. Oh, and have a Happy Halloween! Um, my advice for today… If you are building an army of tiny plastic ninjas that you got from the claw machine make sure the fire-breathing penguin is on your side. Also, Bridget and I are starting a new fanfiction, less crazy then this one, so yeah. It's also a collab, and I think it will be posted on this account once we get the first couple chapters done. So, bye for now! 


	41. Sheer Madness

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU:

-Can't take a joke

-Love Kairi

-or hate murder mysteries

(Erica) Okay, so I know I'm supposed to be working on a Kingdom Hearts Awards anniversary chapter, but it's my birthday, so I'll do whatever I want! So sorry, but I doubt we'll be having an anniversary chapter, maybe next year. Anyway, give us a hand for keeping this going for a whole year. And now, on with the chapter, my sick way of attempting to get more reviews! Oh, and I gave up caffeine this week, so it's slightly less crazy then it normally is.

* * *

"And don't forget, if you've changed anything, anything at all in my castle, I will have the seven of you skinned alive!" Xemnas roared as he left the castle with all his baggage. (Emotional and actual suitcases.) 

"Have fun in Disney Land!" Sora called.

"Yeah, he ought to bring the cheer factor there down a couple notches," Riku mumbled as they all headed inside.

While the entire Kingdom Hearts cast was going on vacation, Riku, Sora, Erica, Bridget, Logan, Naminé, and Kairi had been left behind to house sit the castle. Kairi was currently up in her room, avoiding the other six, because of a fight she and Sora had gotten into last night. That, and she was obviously unwelcome around Bridget and Erica.

"So, what now?" Logan asked, as they stepped into the castle kitchen.

"I don't know, play cards?" Sora offered, pulling out a pack of cards.

"I call Go Fish!" Riku said, remembering how trusting Sora had been the last time they played.

After seven games of cards, Sora losing every last one, Erica finally asked the question no one dared say.

"So, why is Kairi so pissed at you?"

"Something about me liking Bridget more. I don't know, probably mood swings."

"Gosh I hate her," Bridget said, "Sometimes I just wish she would die, it would solve so many problems. In fact, all she does is get kidnapped and cause more trouble for you and Riku."

"Hey, at least she doesn't steal your spotlight," Naminé said, looking up from her hand of cards.

At that moment, Erica's phone began to ring.

"Hold on, I'll be right back," Erica said, after suspiciously checking the caller id, which isn't hard on her prehistoric phone.

"I wonder why she had to leave the room?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, we're practically family, and you have to trust family!" Sora pointed out.

"Want to eavesdrop?" Bridget asked.

"Hell yes," Sora said, picking up a cup and pressing it to the kitchen door.

There was a long pause on the other side of the door, presumably Erica was listening, and then she spoke, "Yeah, I've been good… I can't say the same… ok… I can do it, no problem. But if something goes wrong it will be your fault, as always." There was a click as the Erica hung up the phone. (Each … is a long pause in which Erica listens to the other person.)

"What the heck was that all about?" Naminé asked, who had joined the others at the door.

"I don't know, Erica hasn't kept many secrets before," Bridget said thoughtfully.

"Maybe she's planning something, like a bank robbery," Logan suggested.

"Guys, she left the hall, she just walked away, and isn't coming back into the kitchen," Riku said.

"Well, maybe the person on the phone asked her to do something," Sora said.

"Like rob a bank?" Logan suggested.

"No, Logan that's dumb, and Erica isn't bright enough to pull it off anyway!" Bridget yelled.

"I'm not dumb!" Logan yelled, storming out of the room. No one cared where he went; no one thought to follow him.

But Riku had another idea. "Guys, I think I'll go look for Erica, I… um… want to know who she was talking to.

"Okay," Sora said as he began to deal out the cards.

"I should apologize to Kairi," Sora said, much later, after had had lost another couple games to Naminé and Bridget, since they were the only three left in the kitchen. "I mean, the fight, it was nothing… but then again, she did make me really mad with all the names she called me."

"I say don't apologize, she's a bitch."

"Don't say that, she's like my sister!" Naminé said, but there wasn't much pain in Naminé's voice.

"Guys, I'm back!" Erica said, throwing open the doors, her cell phone tucked neatly in her pocket where is should be.

"Where's Riku?" Sora asked.

"Why should I know, I ran into him upstairs in the dormitory hall, you know, where all the bedrooms are. I was being real quiet, 'cause Kairi had her door closed, and then he ran into me, said he was looking for Logan or something."

"That's weird, 'cause he said he left to look for you," Naminé said.

"Yeah, and if he hadn't found Logan in his room, then where the hell did my brother go?"

"The library?" Erica suggested.

"No, he would not be caught dead reading."

But before any more theories could be thought up the phone rang. Bridget answered.

"It's Vexen," she called over her shoulder to the others, and then paused to listen. "Wait, you are hiding puppies in the basement? … No, I will not feed them for you! I will set them free, that's what I'll do… Why on earth are you putting Dalmatian puppies in boxes? … Wait, Roxas found my iPod in his bag… he borrowed it from Kairi… that bitch!"

Bridget hung up the phone.

"There are puppies, in the basement?" Sora asked.

"Yes, Vexen has been putting them in boxes, and he wants me to feed them. As much as I'd like to deny it, I will have to go feed the poor puppies, and yell at Kairi for touching my things. Gosh, she has Sora and my iPod, anything else of mine she'd like to have?" Bridget said, storming out of her room at the same time that Riku stepped in, the white bandage from his arm missing.

"Where have you been?" Sora demanded.

"Nowhere, I got something from my room, I found Erica… and she was talking on her phone again." This he directed at Erica: "So I went looking for Logan, but I couldn't find him, so I came back here."

"Where did your white bandage go?" Naminé asked, suspicious of all the weird things that had been going on.

"Oh, I spilled something on it, so I put it in my room. Where did Bridget go?"

"To feed some puppies," Sora said.

"Don't change the subject, why have you been changing your story, and what did you spill on your bandage, all the liquids in the house are up here in the kitchen!" Erica demanded.

"Why don't you trust me!?" Riku yelled, "I knocked over a plant while looking for Logan, I feel so bad for him the way you guys treat him so I thought I cheer him up, but I knocked over the plant and got dirt all over the bandage. Happy?"

"No, why did you say you were looking for me, when you were really looking for Logan?"

"You know, only those with something to hide ever get this suspicious!" Riku said, a desperate plea to Sora and Naminé.

Erica had a comeback all prepared, but just then her cell phone went off, again. "I'll be back," she mumbled.

Pressing their ears to the door, Riku and the others heard her speak outside. "No, I don't think the others suspect… I did… I've only got one thing to say. Life doesn't give second chances."

And then she stormed away, not wanting to listen to whatever Riku had to throw at her next.

"Something is wrong; maybe I should go see Kairi…" Sora said.

"Actually, playing cards seems like a better idea. For you two. I forgot I had promised Logan a picture of Yuffie. I better go get it, and then find him. But you guys stay here. Stay here!" Naminé said, rushing out of the room, just as Bridget pushed back into the room, mumbling angrily.

"Let's play poker!" she yelled, throwing down a couple dollars on the table that she had fished out of a small pink purse.

"I thought you spent all your money on Erica's birthday gift and Izzie's Christmas gift," Riku pointed out.

"Well, this is half of the money that has just come into my possession. It's a gift, to buy myself a new iPod, since both Roxas and Kairi have now touched it."

"Where did you get it?"

"Roxas' money. He made it singing for tips at a local gay bar?"

"Great, a harbor… a swimming pool… Now The World That Never Was has a gay bar too?" Sora asked.

"No, it's a yaoi bar," Bridget corrected.

"And the purse?" Riku prompted.

"It's mine," Bridget said, "I own a tiny pink purse. Want to make something of it? Now lay your money down for a good game of poker."

Three hours, twelve sodas, and six hundred and three dollars later, Sora's words became slurred with the caffeine form all ten sodas he had drank.

"You know, if she wants to be a bitch then I should just let her," Sora complained, although his words were a lot less understandable.

"You said it!" Bridget cheered, taking another five dollars from Sora.

"Maybe I should take it a step farther! Maybe I should go tell her off!"

"NO!" Riku and Bridget yelled at the same time.

"Why not?" Sora asked.

"Because… because I'm winning all this money from you, and I could use a few more dollars," Riku said, stumbling over his words.

"Yeah, same here," Bridget said confidently, as if she had been thinking of it the whole time. Maybe she had. Maybe she hadn't.

"Well, I'm going. She needs to have someone tell her off!"

"On second thought, you go ahead and yell at her," Bridget said with a chuckle. "I want to see how much she can understand."

After Sora left Riku turned to Bridget, "You think we should go find Naminé and Logan?"

"Sure, but I want a round of poker first, all of Roxas' money, verses all of Sora's. You in?"

"More then you know," Riku said slyly, tossing in a handful of the money Sora had left behind.

* * *

There was a high-pitched girly scream as Sora came running down the stairs and bursting into the kitchen, where Erica, Riku, and Bridget sat playing cards. Neither Erica nor Riku would look at each other, although Erica knew her reason, and Riku knew his, both suspected the worse from the other. 

"Guys, Kairi is dead!" Sora said, and then realizing that neither Naminé nor Logan was in the room he paused to survey the room before he concluded, "She's been murdered."

There was a commotion as everyone in the room started talking at once.

"Don't look at me!"

"I knew something was wrong!"

"The murderer has to be one of us six!"

"Where are Logan and Naminé?"

The last question was heard loudest of all, and it was decided shakily among the four that they should go looking for the other two before continuing their frenzied panic. Everyone decided it would be best to stay as a group as they searched the castle. But everyone was careful to watch their back as they entered the library, ironically enough to find Logan.

He stood over the fireplace, burning something red.

"What the hell is that?" Sora demanded, running over to catch his hand, just as the small red scrap hit the flames and became indistinguishable.

"It was one of Bridget's things… a stuffed dog…"

"Then why was it only a scrap?"

"Because I ran it through the paper shredder first. Naturally."

"See, my brother is unstable, and we haven't been watching him all day, he's had plenty of opportunities!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Opportunities for what?"

"You killed Kairi!" Sora yelled.

"I haven't seen her all day, it wasn't me!"

"Prove it!" Riku challenged.

"Kairi is dead?" came a small squeak from the doorway, Naminé stood, clutching the hem of her white dress.

"Yes, I'm so sorry to tell you," Sora said, "She was like a sister to you."

"Hold on a second, didn't you say you were looking for Logan?" Erica asked.

"Yes, that's why I'm here!" Naminé snapped.

"But you also said that you would be bringing him a sketch, where is it?" Erica questioned.

"Shit, I forgot it," Naminé muttered.

"See, it's got to be her, or my brother!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Why, they both have excuses, Sora was the last one who saw her, and he was pissed when he left too. How do we know it's not him!?" Riku yelled, turning to point at Sora.

"Riku is just trying to throw suspicion from himself!" Erica yelled.

"I'm not the one getting strange phone calls!" Riku shot back.

"I think Bridget is being oddly silent. And uncharacteristically, too. Wasn't she saying something this morning about how she wished Kairi was dead? And she did leave the kitchen too. And she was mad at Kairi at the time!" Logan yelled.

"Shut up and continue burning Rover!" Bridget snapped.

"And she did come back with a strange pink purse!" Riku yelled.

"I told you it was mine!"

"You hate pink!" Erica snapped.

"Well, at least I don't keep secrets about life and second chances!" Bridget snapped.

"Hey, it was Kairi. I don't hate her as much as you. Now if Yuffie turned up… but no, it had to be the person you hated!"

"I think it's Naminé. It's always the quiet ones!" Logan snapped.

"What do you have to do with this?" Sora said, turning to Logan.

"Well, I am being accused!"

"Why would I kill my Other?" Naminé said, advancing on Logan.

"You said she hogs your spotlight. And she does, doesn't she? She gets paired with all the guys, and you just get Roxas. That's got to suck, huh?"

"I didn't do it!" Naminé yelled, her voice cracking at Logan.

"No, of course she didn't. It was Riku. He didn't get dirt on the bandage, it was something else. And he kept changing his story. He's lying to us!"

"It's the question of motive, Erica, why would I want her dead?"

"Because… because…" Erica stuttered.

"Because he's damn tired of saving her. He's tired of having her put in front of him in Sora's mind. Aren't you Riku?" Bridget said, stepping in.

"Guys, we are all turning on our best friends, we can't blame someone innocent!" Logan yelled.

"Like hell we can't!" Sora screamed.

"You're one to talk. After all, you were with her last. How do we know you didn't kill her and then come down to tell us the 'sad' news?" Erica asked.

"I think there is still one important question to ask," Riku began, "Who has been calling Erica's phone?"

"He has nothing to do with this!" Erica yelled.

"Nothing, it seems he's the one telling you to do it!" Naminé yelled.

"He?" Riku asked.

The pandemonium broke out again as everyone began yelling at once. It was all silenced, however, when Erica's phone rang.

"Who is this?" Riku asked snatching the phone away, but luckily Erica grabbed it back and turned it off before anything else could be said.

"Guys. There is one way to solve this," Bridget said slowly.

"Yes, what is it?" Sora asked.

"We let the viewers decide," Bridget said finally.

* * *

Okay, so this is where is gets fun… for Bridget and me. Okay, so here's the deal. You guys vote who you think it is, and whoever gets the most votes will be investigated more carefully. So it's time to see who you would rather see guilty. So vote away, and don't be afraid to have a crazy suggestion, after all, crazy is what we are all about! Oh, and my advice for today… Never run a stuffed animal through a paper shredder, it messes up the insides and you will never get all the stuffing out of the machine. 


	42. Twisted Christmas

(Erica) Hello and welcome back to Kingdom Hearts Awards. I'm sure you're all dying to know who killed Kairi, so instead of writing the chapter Erica is putting this off as long as possible (don't forget to vote who you think did it) and Bridget is continuing on with another episode of the story. Didn't you see that coming?

(Bridget) Um... we figured since it's almost February that it was about time I posted the Christmas chapter... which doesn't make any sense. There are a couple jokes you won't get if you're not familiar with Death Note, Harry Potter, or Twilight, but enjoy it anyway!

* * *

"So," Riku began, shuffling playing cards nervously, "do we know who killed Kairi yet?"

"Nope," Erica said, tossing a card onto the pile on the middle of the white table.

"A better question to ask would be 'do we even care that Kairi's dead?'," Emme responded, looking over the cards in her hand. "To which the obvious answer would be 'no'. I mean, she's back alive again now, why don't we just ask her who killed her?"

"Because that would ruin the fun," Bridget answered, placing a card up on the table from her seat on the floor. "Can someone pass me a slice of that cake?"

"And why should we give you sugar?" Riku asked.

Bridget smiled. "Because I can have my cake and eat it too."

Sora shrugged. "Just give her the cake, Riku, it's better not to argue. I learned that the hard way."

"Anyway," Bridget said, accepting the piece of cake and swiping her finger through the frosting, "we could probably figure out who did it just from the way she was killed. Right?"

"Problem: She's already back alive, she doesn't know how she was killed, and we never bothered to investigate the crime scene. It could be anyone," Erica stated.

The group sighed heavily, shoulders sagging. Emme threw down her cards and stood up suddenly, knocking her chair over in the process.

"You know what? It's Christmas! Can't we figure out who killed her later?" she asked. She looked expectantly at the faces of Erica, Bridget, Riku, and Sora, hoping someone would agree with her.

"Christmas with a murderer on the loose… that could be fun!" Bridget exclaimed. Erica slapped her forehead.

"This is why we don't give her sugar. But we haven't gotten enough votes yet anyway, so, why not? We could use a break, and the holidays only come once a year!" Erica agreed.

"What should we do?" Sora asked.

"Here's what we're gonna do: Sora, you take Bridget. I'll take Erica. Emme, you go find Axel and any other members of the Organization you can round up, okay?" Riku said.

"I don't take orders from you, and that's a terrible idea. But what if I go find Organization XIII?" Emme grinned evilly.

Bridget gasped. "What a great idea! You should give her some credit, Riku."

Erica and Riku sighed. "Whatever. Just meet back here when we're done," Erica said.

"Okay!" Bridget piped, grabbing Sora's arm and dragging him from the room. Emme shuffled off to find our favorite Nobodies.

* * *

"How are we doing the presents?" Sora asked. So far he had successfully managed to get a bow stuck on his forehead, wrap his arm in ribbon, and get tape stuck on the back of his shirt where he couldn't reach it. Hey, wrapping presents is hard.

"Well, you've got to wrap Riku's presents. I've got to wrap Erica's. And Erica and Riku are in charge of our presents. Everybody in the castle has someone else's name, and it is their responsibility to make sure that person has at least one gift to unwrap. Got it?" Bridget asked.

"I think so…" Sora said, eyeing the large, snarling crate that Bridget was attempting to wrap. "What's in there, anyway?"

"He's more of a who, actually," Bridget stated, poking air holes in the wrapping paper.

"Bridget, I don't think what you're doing is legal," Sora pointed out, "And _who _exactly is in the box?"

"It's perfectly legal as long as you're only wrapping up fictional people. And it just so happens to be Professor Severus Snape." Bridget looked around the room. "Dammit, where'd Jacob and Mello get off to now?"

Sora looked confused. "You're telling me we have a teenage werewolf and a mafia leader loose. In the castle."

"Yes, it's quite possible," Bridget said, searching every corner of the room. "Come on, we've got to go find them."

"Fine, but if I help you, can we please let these poor people go and find Erica a different present?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, sure. It just doesn't help me that all she ever puts on her Christmas list is people. Last year she asked for Tom Felton." (Erica: Yeah, and I never got him!)

* * *

"Done!" Erica exclaimed, examining a row of perfectly wrapped presents. She sat back and admired her work.

"Did you remember to take the price tags off?" Riku asked her, carrying a stack of the gifts he had wrapped.

Erica's good mood was spoiled instantly. "Dammit, Riku, why couldn't you have reminded me to do that before I started wrapping them?!"

Riku shrugged. "Because I hate the holidays? Because you're cute when you're mad?"(Erica: More like scary, but whatever)

Erica sighed, beginning to tear the wrapping paper off the presents. "So much for that…"

"I'll go get more paper," Riku volunteered. Erica followed him out of the room.

"I need a soda in the worst way…"

Riku blinked. He was positive he'd just seen a rather large, shaggy wolf-dog being closely followed by a blonde boy sprint down the hallway. "Did you just see that?"

Erica frowned at him and cocked her head sideways. "It's probably nothing."

"Dammit! Black, Keehl, get your asses back here!" came Bridget's voice from somewhere far away. Erica spun around.

"What was that?"

"It's nothing," Riku said quickly, "You know what? Maybe you _do _need a soda." And with that, he happily guided Erica in the opposite direction. _Those two owe me _big_ for this._

* * *

"Anybody in here?" Emme asked, slamming open the door to the kitchen. Inside, she found Axel, smoking a cigarette as calmly as you please, and Roxas at the counter sharpening a knife. She gasped, running over to the blonde.

"Give me that, you little psycho!" she declared, swiping the utensil from his hands before he even realized what was going on.

"Hey! I needed that!" Roxas argued.

"For what?" Axel asked.

"Well, it's Christmas, we're going to have to carve a bird with something!"

"…What bird? We're ordering cheese pizza."

"Why?" Roxas inquired.

"Because Bridget hates traditional meals and Erica's a vegetarian," Emme answered, putting the knife behind her back to prevent Roxas from getting at it.

"What do you need, Emme?" Axel asked.

"Decorations, and lots of them!" Emme shouted ecstatically.

Axel tossed his cigarette to the side and narrowed his eyes. "What kind of decorations?" Emme smiled.

"Oh, you know, whatever floats your boat."

"Good."

* * *

"Dammit! Black, Keehl, get your asses back here!" Bridget shouted, leaping over a conveniently placed pile of packages. (Bridget: We dare you to say that five times fast.)

"It's no use." Sora caught up to Bridget, panting and trying to get his breath back. "We can't out run them, we need a better plan." Bridget sighed.

"We could set a trap?" she suggested.

"With more hostages as bait?" Sora frowned.

"…Yes?"

"No."

"We could make a deal with them?"

"That's actually not a bad idea. What did you have in mind?" Bridget stood up on the tips of her toes to whisper into Sora's ear.

"Go tell them, okay?" She smiled. Sora dashed off to rally the troops.

* * *

"Emme, what have you done?" Erica asked as she stared in horror at the objects that barely fit the definition of decoration in the first place, and they certainly weren't suitable for Christmas.

"What?" Emme wondered, slinging her arm over the shoulder of a plastic snowman with eyes filled with fire. Small fangs poked out of its mouth. "You don't think it's festive?"

"Sure, for Halloween maybe…" Erica trailed off. "Did you ask Zexion to help you decorate?"

"Maybe…" Emme's eyes flickered to the blue-haired teen in the corner as he turned the page of the thick black book he was reading, appropriately titled "Stabbity Rip Stab Stab". He glared.

"Anyway, the point is," Erica began, stepping around what appeared to be a skeletal reindeer, "you've got to take this stuff down."

"Aw… but why?" Emme asked, turning her attention to the plastic skeleton they had hung – literally – from the Christmas tree. She pressed the button on its nose and it began to sing a very off-key, haunting, almost eerie version of "Jingle Bells".

"Well, for one thing, I know Bridget's going to have a problem with that skeleton…" Erica took in the other decorations, including a life-sized gingerbread house where Santa had been executed in the front yard. They had draped black sheets over the walls, as well as set up several strobe lights and fog machines for added effect.

"You don't like it?" Zexion asked. "I call it 'Christmas-Halloween Rave'."

They froze at the sound of a mournful howl, like it was a creature crying in pain. "Vexen must have locked more puppies in the basement…" Zexion sighed.

Erica, however, was now sure she wasn't just hearing things. "Get this fixed up before I come back." And with that, she left.

* * *

Mello, Bridget, Riku, and Sora held their hands clamped so tightly over their ears they feared their heads would explode as Jacob howled, Roxel whined, and his owner sang his heart (or lack thereof) out.

"Bridget, this is without a doubt the worst plan you've ever had!" Sora shouted over what could only be described as noise.

"Why didn't you tell me that before we put it into action?" Bridget asked.

"Because I didn't see it backfiring!" Sora yelled back.

"What the hell?! How could you not see this backfiring?!" Riku screamed hysterically. (Izzy: Really guys, this joke is dead, can't you just stop using it? Erica and Bridget: Nope :P)

Finally, Roxel had had enough of his owner's "singing". The tiger leapt at his owner, grabbed the hood of Roxas's cloak in its mouth, and dragged the protesting Nobody down the hallway. "At least he stopped singing," Riku commented, his ears ringing.

"But now we have no plan…" Sora said. The shaggy russet wolf has ceased howling, and now proceeded to scratch behind his ear with his foot rather like a giant, lethal puppy.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Bridget cried agitatedly, whipping her notebook out. She began to scrawl hurriedly in it, until Mello flipped out his gun and shot the wall above her head. Bridget yelped, dropped the notebook, and got down on her knees clutching her head.

"What was that for?" Sora asked.

"That's a Death Note, she's Kira!" he shouted.

"No it's not," Bridget said surprisingly calmly, though her face was pale and her eyes were wide.

"Prove it."

"Well, I've written my name in it, and I'm not dead yet," she explained.

Riku sighed. "That's just your first name. I don't think that works…"

Bridget glared. "Thanks a lot." Turning back to Mello, she picked up the notebook again. "Bridget Italy… heart attack." She held the notebook up, so he could see she wasn't lying. Then they waited 40 seconds.

"See?" Sora said, sticking his tongue out.

"Don't push it."

"Well, this is all just a huge misunderstanding, so… we'll send you home now, okay?" Riku said.

Bridget scribbled in her notebook and breathed a sigh of relief as Jacob and Mello vanished. Sora pulled Bridget to her feet again. (Bridget: Oh, and Snape's gone too. Erica: How could you just let them leave?!) "…Now what?"

* * *

"Okay, seriously, guys – _what _happened?!" Erica interrogated her friends as they walked into the kitchen. Riku looked guilty, Bridget looked as if she had seen a ghost, and Sora looked more clueless than usual.

"Nothing," Bridget replied in a singsong tone. She placed her notebook on the counter and shuffled over to the fridge. Erica raised her eyebrow expectantly.

"_No-thing_," Riku repeated, stressing each syllable. Erica sighed.

"Whatever happened was definitely not nothing!" she said hysterically. "There was a wolf howling, and I could've sworn I heard someone shooting a gun."

"That was… we were playing a video game!" Sora offered eagerly.

Bridget and Riku smacked their foreheads. "You just had to open your mouth, didn't you, Sora? You're the worst liar ever!" Riku said. (Erica: No, everyone knows that a bad lie centers around a raccoon.)

Erica approached the counter carefully while Bridget's back was turned. She swiped the notebook off the counter and flipped to the last page. "WHAT?!"

"Nothing to worry about. We totally had it all under control," Riku said soothingly, trying to reassure her. Erica wasn't convinced in the least. She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Bridget almost got shot, and you almost blew out Riku's perfect eardrums! You call that under control?"

"Nobody got hurt," Bridget pointed out, retrieving a soda from the fridge and cracking open the can. "Except Roxas," she added, taking a sip. "But that's not important."

"Loser!" Logan shouted, popping out of nowhere. Bridget screamed and started choking on her drink, coughing and spluttering. Logan was rolling on the ground laughing, pounding his fist on the floor. Bridget emptied the remainder of the can over her brother's head. She would get the last laugh.

Emme burst into the room, slamming open the door. "What's going on? I heard someone singing 'Beautiful Soul', so I knew something was wrong! (It gave me a terrible Linens N' Things flashback)."

"Wait, so you were worried about the singing, but you didn't hear the howling or the gunshots at all?" Erica asked.

"No, I heard those too, but… well, let's just say I'm used to it," Emme said with a grin.

"Do we even want to know?" Sora asked.

"Probably not. So, what'd I miss?" she continued.

"Well," Erica said, turning towards Sora and Bridget with a scowl, "these two seem to have invited (or dragged) some dangerous (and awesome) guests to our castle. And not tell me about it – them. And let them escape!"

"Hey, it was all her!" Sora protested, pointing at Bridget.

"Yeah, thanks for ratting me out," Bridget said.

"Whatever. The next time you decide to piss off a werewolf and an angry guy with a gun, leave me out of it," Riku said coolly.

"And drag me into it!" Erica offered enthusiastically. "But don't get me shot!" she added to Bridget.

"Look on the bright side," Emme said. "At least the place didn't get blown up. And nobody got mauled by a werewolf."

"How do we know it won't? That's something we could expect from you and Axel!" Sora accused.

"True, true."

"Did you fix the decorations?" Erica asked.

Emme grinned. "Come see for yourself!"

"Actually," Bridget interrupted, grabbed Sora's wrist and heading for the door, "You guys can go check on that. We have some more shopping to do, since Erica's presents ran away."

"We do?" Sora asked confusedly.

Bridget shrugged. "You promised."

* * *

"What's this?" Erica asked angrily. The hellish decorations than had overrun the hall less than an hour before had been removed, but something worse occupied its place. Everything was frozen.

There were icicles hanging from the balcony, like deadly, glistening ornaments. Logan, who had left the kitchen to go dry off, had frozen mid-step. One of the Dalmatians, finally free of Vexen, had gotten its tongue stuck to the floor, and was struggling to get free. Even the fire in the small fireplace was solid. It was a complete disaster.

"We need to get this fixed fast," Erica said, looking back and forth between Logan and the puppy.

"Why? Bridget won't care if her brother's frozen," Riku stated, feeling more sympathy for the dog than the demon child.

"That's exactly why we have to get it fixed before she comes back. Go get Axel and Demyx, okay? I'm going to stay here." Riku dashed off.

Emme entered the room, dropping her ice cream. "What happened here?"

"You and Zexion just took the decorations down, right?" Erica answered the question with a question of her own. Emme nodded.

"Then I'm guessing Vexen's in a foul mood since we rescued the puppies."

"Probably," Emme agreed. "Can I go kick his ass? I've been wanting to hurt someone ever since I got here."

"Go right ahead."

"Awesome." Emme rolled up her sleeves and marched out of the room purposefully as Riku reentered with Demyx and Axel. Axel melted the ice, freeing the flea bitten mutt, and the poor Dalmatian puppy, too. (Logan: Hey!)

Erica scooped up the puppy. Water dripped from the ceiling, forming pools and puddles all over the floor. Logan left in a huff to go find drier clothes. The day was saved… for now.

"Okay, I can understand why you brought Axel here, but why me?" Demyx asked, taking a step towards the door, but slipping and falling flat on his face.

"That, Dem, we needed you to do that," Axel said, laughing. Demyx scowled. Erica shoved the puppy into Demyx's arms and left the room with Riku in tow.

"What are we doing now?" Riku asked.

"Ordering pizza."

"Ow, no, stop, my elbow doesn't bend that way!" came the screams of Vexen from several floors above, but nobody noticed, or if they did, they sure as hell didn't care.

* * *

"Bridget, does Erica's present absolutely have to be alive?" Sora asked.

Bridget gasped. "You mean, you'd rather it be dead? You jerk!"

Sora sighed. "No, I mean… what's wrong with _nonliving _presents?" He tried again.

"There's nothing wrong with them, I suppose." Bridget tied the bow on a brightly wrapped box with air-holes poked into it. "They're just awfully boring." Grabbing Sora's arm, she added, "That's all of them, so let's go see what the others are up to."

Upon entering the kitchen (where they spent so much of their time these days), they discovered that Erica and Riku were having some kind of argument, presumably a small one primarily about nothing at all.

"I'm just saying that maybe we should order pizza from somewhere else," Riku said, holding the phone out of Erica's reach as she jumped in attempt to get it.

"And I'm saying no, because Between Two Claires is the only place where I get a 100 percent discount!" Erica protested.

"This again?" Sora asked. Bridget crossed the room, stomped on Riku's foot, and got him to drop the phone about the same time that Erica finally pulled out her cell phone instead. (Erica: Wait- what good is my cell phone going to do?)

"That works too, I guess," Bridget said, setting the phone back on the counter, ignoring the death glares from Riku.

Emme walked into the room, dragging the bloody, tangled mess formerly known as Vexen. "Hey, can someone take a picture? I want to keep this memory, even though all my hard work will have gone to waste at midnight when this guy comes back to life." She smiled brightly. (And by brightly, we mean evilly.)

"Sure, I'll take a picture," Bridget said, pulling out the camera she had stolen from Kairi a couple chapters back, "but it's going to cost you."

"How much?" Emme asked, posing for the picture.

"Your lighter," Bridget said, extending her arm to accept it.

"Bridget!" Erica yelled.

"What? I was going to light the mistletoe on fire!" Bridget excused.

"Oh, that's okay then… Wait, no it's not! Give me the lighter!" Erica shouted. With a frown, Bridget turned over the lighter to Erica. "I swear, you're just like a little kid."

"That's not true. She's much more evil than the average little kid," Sora stated.

"Yeah, thanks," Bridget said sourly.

* * *

"Time for presents!" Erica cheered once everyone had eaten their fill of delicious, non-traditional cheese pizza.

"Okay, you go first," Riku agreed, holding out a box with holes in it.

"What is it?" Erica asked, shaking the box. "Swiss cheese?"

"No, don't shake it!" Sora and Bridget shouted as the box because to hiss and yowl angrily. Erica began to untie the ribbon, but to be safe, she pointed the box away from herself as she opened it.

A tan streak flew out of the box, headed for Roxas, who ducked as it flew over his head. "Aw, now Roxel will have a playmate! Right, boy?" he asked, scratching the tiger behind the ear.

"No! Sandy the psycho kitty will not play with your gay cat!" Erica said as she retrieved a cream colored kitten. Bridget handed Roxas a newspaper. The headline read 'Pregnant Female Tiger Goes Missing From Local Zoo'.

"Roxel is a… girl?" he squeaked.

"I think you mean Roxanne," Bridget corrected happily. (Erica: No, Roxel is a girl's name too!)

"Hello? Opening presents here!" interrupted Erica, who had placed Sandy on her head and moved on to the next box, which was so big it needed its own floor. She pulled the large drop sheet from it, and gasped in awe at what was underneath.

"You guys got me a new boat!" Erica squealed. "Er… ship."

"Yeah, and _I _picked out the name!" Riku said, pleased with himself.

"'The Titanic'?" Bridget and Sora asked.

Erica's eye twitched. "Riku…"

"That's another self-fulfilling prophecy," Logan stated, coming into the room. "How about something that doesn't sink?"

"Maybe next time," Riku said guiltily.

"That's okay," Erica said, hugging him. "I'll buy insurance this time."

"We got you a present too, squirt," Bridget said unenthusiastically, chucking a small box at her brother's head. He stuck his tongue out and tore the paper off, revealing a package of Star Wars Legos.

"Wait, so Logan plays with _Star Wars _Legos, and Bridget's the one who gets called a loser?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Erica said, petting Sandy. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Sora passed Bridget her present. She took the box and shook it lightly, listening carefully. "Is it… an iPod?"

"Dammit, who told you?! I mean, no…" Erica and Riku sighed. Bridget beamed.

Emme sprinted into the room, panting. "Guys… I think I know… who killed Kairi!"

* * *

Hehe... cliffhanger. Please remember to review and vote for who killed Kairi, or else we'll just have to postpone the chapter again. Later! 


	43. The Shocking Conclusion

Bridget: Sorry for the long wait, guys. Both Erica and I wrote this chapter, we each did about half of it. So, enjoy it, I guess. Also, for any of you who have seen the new Dr. Seuss movie (yeah, I have), feel bad for Jojo! Very bad!

* * *

Riku tapped his foot impatiently, checking his watch. Erica and Bridget stumbled down the stairs just as he was about to give up waiting for them completely. The smiles fell from the girls' faces as they took in his expression.

"Do you have any idea what time it is? Where have you been?" he asked, losing control of his temper.

"Anime convention," Erica said simply, taking a sip of the large soda she held.

Riku face-palmed. "Let me get this straight: you're telling me that you went on vacation. In the middle of a murder mystery. To an anime convention."

"That's right!" Bridget confirmed, as Sora entered the room.

"How was it?" Sora asked, snatching the camera from around Bridget's wrist and scanning through the pictures she'd taken.

"How come you didn't tell me?" Riku pouted.

Erica sighed. "Because you would have insisted on coming with us. And you wouldn't have liked what you would have seen, trust me."

"Why aren't there any pictures of me on here?" Sora yelled, shaking the camera as if it were broken. Bridget grabbed it away from him to prevent him from breaking it. "Who's that guy?"

"That's actually a girl, dressed up as a guy," Erica explained. "And there are no pictures of you because we kept getting lost. Or, rather, Bridget kept getting us lost."(Erica: Bridget would die before looking at a map. Bridget: Not this argument again…)

"Back to the situation at hand," Riku interrupted. "What are we going to do about Kairi?"

"Well, we're going to start investigating now, obviously," Bridget stated. "Let's get the show on the road!"

* * *

Erica, Riku, Sora, Emme, and Bridget sat around the counter in the kitchen, which was covered in the little evidence they could find, a couple board games, and rough drafts for the current chapter (trust us, there are way too many of these). Bridget sprang up from her chair and walked over to the small pantry.

"What are you doing?" Erica asked, staring at one of the many sheets of paper.

Bridget held up a box of cookies. "Getting advice, of course." Erica sighed.

"You're getting advice from cookies now?" Riku asked incredulously.

She shook her head. "No, because that would be a sign of insanity." (Izzy: Yeah, you would know all about that.) "I'm trading the cookies for information."

Sora held on to the box. "But, cookies!" he cried. Bridget pulled the box back.

"You're going to have to make a choice," Bridget said, rather like someone would speak to a small child, "Kairi? Or cookies?" Sora pondered this for a moment.

"Well, Kairi's not edible… but cookies don't make very good company," he mused, thinking out loud to himself. 

_Neither does Kairi, _Bridget thought spitefully.

"Yeah, okay, take the cookies. But get some more on the way home from wherever you're going."

"And how are you planning on getting in there?" Erica asked, frowning. Bridget grinned.

"Girl Scout. Duh."

* * *

"It was… Riku, in the hallway, with a knife!" Erica said, rolling the dice and moving the small piece representing her across the game board.

"What, you're still suspicious?" Riku asked, raising an eyebrow at her accusation. Erica nodded.

"You've done nothing to prove your innocence, so it's only natural that you remain a suspect until it no longer seems possible that you are the murderer," she said, staring at the cards in her hand.

"Right…" Riku said, turning back to his own cards. "It was Sora, with a Keyblade, in Kairi's room."

Sora did nothing to either confirm or deny this theory, furrowing his brow. "Well, I think it was Bridget, with that killer notebook thingy, in the library."

"You can't accuse someone who isn't here to defend themselves," Emme stated. "Die, Sora!" She held her hand out.

"Oh… oh! You meant… the dice… not… right," Sora said with a sigh of relief. Erica groaned and Riku slapped his forehead.

Emme tossed the dice and relocated her character. "I think Kairi killed herself because she just couldn't take being so damn dumb and useless anymore. In the kitchen. With a banana." She was met with blank stares, though no one dared ask how one would kill oneself with a fruit.

Bridget came back then, grabbing a couple of cards at random, sitting down and joining the group. "Any breakthroughs?"

"Yeah, I think playing Clue is a waste of our time," Riku muttered.

"Nonsense!" Erica shouted. "It's a great way to test out our suspicions without actually thinking."

"Logan… with a Lego brick… in The Hall of Empty Melodies," Bridget stated.

"Learn anything while you were gone?" Sora asked.

"Yeah. When a secret British detective says 'cookies first', it means he's not going to tell you anything once you give him the sweets. And he won't tell you anything before you give him sugar, either. But I got a box of equipment and some handcuffs," she said, jabbing her thumb in the corner, where she'd left said items. (Erica refuses to go near said handcuffs.)

"Sounds… interesting," Riku said.

Emme looked over the list of suspects once again. "So, once more, we've got: Erica, Bridget, Riku, Sora, Logan, Naminé, Kairi, Roxas, Zexion, and Goofy as suspects."

"Alright, that's as good a place as any to start," Erica said, setting down her cards and pushing away from the table. "We'll just start with those and narrow the list down from there."

"How are we going to do that?" Riku asked.

"Simple. We detain the suspects and keep them under surveillance until they snap and confess to the crime," Bridget stated.

"I disagree with that method," Erica said. "Riku and I will investigate on our own, but we won't try to stop you." 

Bridget shrugged. "Fair enough. We'll probably catch the murderer faster if we split into teams, anyway." She turned to Emme. "Whose side do you wanna be on?"

"You know, I think I'll sit out of this whole creepy death-fest thing. Father Ted might be on. Or Doctor Who," Emme said, excusing herself.

"Alright," Bridget said, pressing on, "for obvious reasons, we can't investigate anyone who isn't a fictional character, unless the Kingdom Hearts characters are all innocent, and we are forced to assume the person who committed this atrocity is a real person."

"And you can't detain anyone who's working on the case," Erica added. "That would just make things complicated. And one more thing – I'm going to catch the murderer first!"

"Of course you are," Bridget said, smiling, as Riku and Erica left the room.

* * *

"The seagull is in the parking lot. I repeat, the seagull is in the parking lot," Riku said over his walkie-talkie. 

"What are you talking about? Over," Erica replied.

Riku lowered his binoculars and looked out the window. "No, I mean there's really a seagull in the parking lot. It's eating french-fries off the ground… And it just defiled Delilah the yellow school bus."

Erica sighed, making a static-y noise over the speaker. "I need you to stay focused. Can you do that?"

Riku nodded, then realized that she couldn't see him. "I understand," he answered. "No suspicious movement yet."

* * *

Bridget leaned back in a rolling chair and put her feet up on some rather expensive-looking equipment. She spoke into a recording device, keeping record of all her interrogations. "Suspect #1: Roxas. Grounds for suspicion: His fucking voice!" Bridget tilted too far back as she said this, and the chair slipped out from under her.

Sora laughed. "You're such a spaz!"

She scowled and got back into her chair, sitting normally this time. "Ready to confess, Nobody?" she asked through a microphone that connected to a speaker in Roxas's cell.

"Confess to what? Who are you? Where am I?" he asked.

Sora snatched the microphone, and began to imitate a cop on TV. "Ma'am, just answer the question."

Roxas shook his head in disbelief. "Is this because you're still mad about the Horton Hears a Who thing?"

"No," Bridget responded, "And even if it were about you playing the voice of the awesome emo Who, I refuse to let my personal feelings interfere with this case! Where were you on the day of the murder?" Bridget continued her interrogation.

"I was in Disney Land," he answered.

"Got any proof?" Bridget asked.

"Yeah, can I call Axel as a witness?" Bridget sighed.

"Sora, go get Axel. I can't leave, because there's a small chance he could just be trying to distract us so he can escape." Sora ran out of the room.

"So, you're really holding a grudge because of Dr. Seuss?" Roxas asked incredulously. 

"Don't push it."

Sora came back with an extremely angry-looking Axel. "You interrupted my lunch. Again," he said sourly, through gritted teeth. 

Ignoring him, Bridget asked, "Axel, was Roxas really at Disney Land the day Kairi was killed?" Axel pulled a camera out of his cloak.

He flicked through a couple of pictures, then handed the camera to her. "Yeah, he was." He pointed at the screen. "Check the date on the bottom right hand corner. He can't be the murderer, it's impossible." Bridget shrugged.

"I guess you're right," she said. Then, into the microphone, "You're free to go, Roxas." Sora walked into the cell and undid his restraints, escorting him out of the room. Then he took Bridget by the arm and pulled her out the door, but not before she pointed to her eyes, then to Roxas, in an "I'm-watching-you-so-stay-out-of-trouble" way. (But which Roxas assumed meant "please attack me with a Sharpie again".)

* * *

"Hey, Riku?" Erica asked worriedly.

"Mhm?" came Riku's tired reply.

"Hey, don't tell me you fell asleep!" she shouted. The walkie-talkie being right next to his ear, Riku woke up, startled, at the sound.

"What, what? I'm up!" he yelled, confused.

Erica sighed. "Have you found anything?" she asked. He peered through the binoculars again at their target, Naminé, then set them back down.

"Nope. Nothing. Yet."

"Well, I was thinking… I don't think it could be her. I know she was resentful of Kairi and all, but… Kairi's her Other. What kind of effect would that have on Naminé, if she died? Certainly nothing good could have come out of it for her. If anything, she stands to lose more than she would have had to gain."

"What do you mean?" Riku asked.

"If Kairi died, for real, this time, wouldn't that mean Naminé would cease to exist?"

Riku thought about it for a moment. "It's a definite possibility, I suppose."

"Right. And would the Naminé we know really take that risk? Dull, bland Naminé, that hates any kind of change?" 

"I guess you're right. So, what now?"

"No doubt Sora and Bridget have realized that Roxas isn't the murderer by now. We've still got a couple of suspects to spy on."

"Now that I think of it… what exactly are you doing right now, Erica?" Riku asked as he left the room, binoculars swinging around his neck.

Erica answered, "I'm sitting in a dark room, in a comfy chair, stroking Sandy the psycho kitty behind his ears, evilly, while you do all of my bidding for me. Oh, and I'm eating chocolate. Now, get back to work!" _Crunch._

"Roger that," Riku replied.

* * *

"It's dark in here," Zexion murmured from his confinement cell.

"And you should like that, now be quiet!" Sora said; it was his turn to play the bad cop.

"Um, we actually need him to answer questions, Sora," Bridget corrected, taking the microphone. "So, Zexion, is it true that you, like most emo people, feed off of blood?"

"Um… what kind of emo people do you know that drink blood?" Zexion asked, not at all intimidated by the darkness, blindfold, and handcuffs. (Insert yaoi joke here.)

"That's not an answer!" Sora said, snatching the microphone back from Bridget.

"No, no, I do not drink blood. Any other stereotypes you want to throw my way?"

"Yes, do you shop in the girls' section?"

"Sora, I don't see how that is relevant to the case; wait just a moment," Bridget said, finding that her cell phone was ringing.

"Hello?" she answered it.

"How are things going?" Erica asked.

"I thought you didn't approve of my methods. I thought they took away from those 'human right' things you like to go on about."

"I don't approve of your method, I approve of mine. And mine is stealing information from other people, so how are things going?"

Bridget refused to dignify this with a response; instead she hung up her phone and returned to talking to Zexion.

"So, what was your relationship with Kairi before she died?"

"Her life was taken too soon. I was her best friend. And any other random stuff that will get you to let me go," Zexion said, rolling his eyes under the black blindfold that may or may not have been borrowed from Riku.

"That's what she said," Sora laughed. (Has anyone else noticed how he gets less mature with each chapter?)

* * *

"So, Zexion isn't guilty. Bridget wouldn't have hung up if he was; she would have been too happy to not talk," Erica said, leaving her dark room for a chance to spend time with Riku, plus they were going through Logan's room next.

"I thought Bridget said we weren't supposed to investigate non-fictional characters," Riku said as he watched Erica pick the lock.

"And was this before or after she was holding a box of chocolate cookies?" Erica said, opening the lock. "Anyway, it's not all bad; we can do something nice for him while we're in here."

"Like what?" Riku asked as they stepped into the young teen's room.

"Like get rid of all this Star Wars stuff. Believe me, it would be for his own good," Erica said, taking in the room that could have easily been mistaken for a Star Wars museum.

"So what are we looking for?" Riku asked, pulling out an old-fashioned magnifying glass.

"Any form of incriminating evidence. You know, bloody clothes, fingerprints… that sort of thing."

"Hey, Erica, check this out," Riku said, pausing at the clock on Logan's bedside table.

"It's broken," Erica mused. "So then what is that ticking noise?"

* * *

"Mr. Goofy, is it true that you have escaped death before?" Bridget asked, removing a pair of glasses she didn't need, just for dramatic effect. Even though, to be fair, Goofy couldn't see her through the blindfold.

"Technically, the boulder knocked me out, it didn't kill me. If you are looking for people who escaped death, I recommend talking to Pence and Vexen," Goofy said back in that voice that sounded as if he were gargling.

"Sora… go fetch Pence," Bridget commanded, grasping at straws. Why was this not working out for her?

* * *

"And why is it so important that we find Bridget?" Riku asked as Erica tore off down the hall.

"The clock was broken," she hissed, not slowing down.

"Yeah, and there was ticking, maybe he left his GameBoy on or something."

"No, I fear it's worse than that. I think I know who killed Kairi, and I need to talk to Sora immediately!" she said, leaving Riku behind and running far faster then anyone had ever seen her run before.

Riku blinked. Had the gargoyle statue that stood closest to him in the hall just moved?

* * *

"Sora, where is Bridget?" Erica asked, arriving in The Hall of Empty Melodies.

"Well, she asked for Pence, and I brought her back a sixpence. She got pissed, told me I couldn't do anything right, and went off to find the real Pence. Why?"

"Why is Vexen tied to a chair?"

"Bridget is running out of people to question."

"Well, I need to know how you found Kairi dead. Like, what was the room like?"

"Erica, Sandy is looking at me funny," Riku said, stumbling into the room, being stalked by Erica's psycho cat.

"Well, she was on the floor, like she had fallen out of a chair. And the TV was on. It was like a blue screen. Like someone had just taken a DVD out. I think that's it. I didn't stay longer then I needed to, to make sure she was dead."

"Just as I thought," Erica mumbled as Bridget entered the room, holding a popsicle, which Pence was following as if he mustn't let it out of his sight.

"What's going on?" Riku asked.

"Bridget," Erica said, running over to her friend and knocking the popsicle out of her hand, causing great alarm to spread over Pence's face. "There is a strange ticking noise coming from Logan's room, but the clock is broken."

Bridget's mouth fell open. "It could be just a coincidence." Her tone showed that she didn't believe it.

"Not only that, but the cat is following Riku; we might as well put him in a nurse's costume." (The cat, not Riku.)

"Does this make any sense to you?" Sora asked Pence.

"And I think a gargoyle might have followed me here," Riku added, as long as they were sharing strange news.

"It can't be," Bridget whispered.

"It shouldn't be. Roxas got the most votes. It should have been him. Unless someone stuffed the voting box."

"We have to find that box, before someone dies of a disease, or gets sent back in time. Or even, dare I say it, torn apart for their internal organs."

"You mean we could have just checked the voting box?" Riku asked as he and Sora followed the girls and Pence out of the room.

"Um, can someone untie me?" Vexen asked as they left.

"Glad to help," Marluxia said, showing up with an evil smile.

Vexen's yells for help went ignored by Bridget and Erica.

* * *

"Drop the remote!" Bridget yelled as they kicked open the door to Yuffie's room. (Erica would like to pause here to consider making Yuffie the murderer.)

"So, what, are you trying to frame me next? First Bridget, now me!" Erica asked, glaring at the person standing over Yuffie, who was tied to a chair and watching as a million zombies attacked David Tennant. "This is what must have killed Kairi. This fear of Doctor Who."

"Or maybe it was boredom." Bridget sighed. "How many for these have you made her watch?"

Yuffie looked as if her brain were about to explode. Whether this was because of the complicated plots or really bad graphics no one knew.

"Four seasons." Izzy grinned proudly.

Erica was hiding in the corner farthest from the TV.

"You killed Kairi?" Sora asked, earning Izzy a bunch of murderous glares from the other suspects.

"Maybe if you had put me on the show like I asked, I wouldn't have had to resort to such drastic methods!" Izzy declared. "Yes, I killed Kairi, to get on the show!" Erica was still cowering.

"Get her!" Riku screamed as everyone ran out of the room, except for Yuffie, who was at this point incapable of coherent thought, and Erica, who was terrified to come too close to the TV.

* * *

Erica: Thank you to everyone who voted, really, I loved the Roxas theory, and I wanted it to be him. However, Bridget and I have a friend more persistent than our persistent viewers. And I bet you didn't see that ending coming, how could you have? Sorry if anyone out there likes Doctor Who, personally, I find it frightening, and fun to make fun of. Also, once more I apologize to the emo people I made fun of, and anyone who drinks blood, although I would worry if there were someone who did. My advice for today: Don't trust possums, they are everywhere! (P.S. Izzy, don't kill me!)


	44. Beware the Inside Jokes

Bridget's notes: Izzy, don't kill us, we're joking!

* * *

Izzy rushed into the living room to avoid the angry crowd, shutting the door behind her. Emme looked away from the TV towards the source of the sound. "Oh, it's you. So, how did it go? Did you get caught?"

The hallway had grown noticeably louder behind the closed door. "Maybe…" Izzy trailed off, standing in front of the door to block it. "Is that Doctor Who?" she asked.

"Yes," Emme replied, looking at her incredulously, "it is."

"Cool!" Izzy left the door unguarded and walked over to the couch. There was a loud crash as the door was broken down and fell to the floor.

"Great job, Sora," Riku was encouraging his friend, "Your thick skull made an awesome battering ram!"

"Ow…" Sora whined, rubbing his head where a rather large knot was beginning to form.

"Shut up and quit whining," Erica snapped unsympathetically, "you were finally good for something, so appreciate this moment; it won't last long."

Bridget, however, rushed across the room and tapped Izzy, like they were playing tag. "I win!" she cheered. Erica gasped.

"No way! The bet was to see who could solve the murder first, wasn't it?" Erica protested. Bridget shook her head.

"Nope. The bet was to see who could _catch _the murderer first, and while you did a great job figuring out who it was… I was actually the one who caught her, just now."

"But… that defies all logic!" Erica argued.

"And what logic is that, exactly?" Riku asked.

"I never lose and Bridget never wins," she explained, "these are constants."

"Well, not any more," Bridget disagreed.

"So, you caught me…" Izzy said, worried. "What happens now?"

"Now we have to explain it to all the nice people who were at Disney Land when this happened, and have no clue what's going on," Erica stated.

"But what's gonna happen to me?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing bad's gonna happen to you. The only real person that bad things happen to on this show is Logan, of course," Bridget said, as if this were obvious.

"But someone has to take the blame for this, or Xemnas is going to shut us down for disturbing the peace for no good reason," Sora pointed out.

"Take the blame…" Bridget mused thoughtfully.

"Who already knows who killed Kairi?" Riku asked.

"We know, the other suspects know, and Yuffie knows," Erica answered. "Now… what to do…"

"Oh, that's easy. We pay off the suspects and pin the blame on Roxas. I mean, technically, he did get the most votes, it sounds like the kind of thing he would do anyway, and then there's the Dr. Seuss incident…" (For those of you awesome enough to have seen "Horton Hears a Who", Jojo's voice was Jesse McCartney. And Erica and Bridget happened to have liked Jojo.)

"Let it go," Sora said calmly.

"I will not!" Bridget shouted.

"Will both of you shut up?" Erica said, "We've got too much stuff to do for the two of you to be goofing off." She pointed at Izzy. "You're coming too; you got us into this mess…"

"So I'm getting you out?" Izzy finished.

"No, of course not. She just means you're going to pay for it in the near future," Bridget offered.

"What exactly do we have to do?" Riku asked. Erica thought for a moment.

"Well, buy the suspects' silence… have a funeral… and plan a rigorous initiation ceremony," Erica said, going over the list in her head.

"Um, a funeral?" Izzy asked. Bridget nodded.

"It'll be a nice deviation. I mean, we've already had a wedding and a court trial. What else haven't we done?"

Sora interrupted. "But – am I the only one even a little bit mad that Kairi was killed, and that not only are we not convicting the real murderer, but the person we're using as a scapegoat is my Nobody?" He was met with silence.

"I guess it's just you," Erica said spitefully. "Come on."

* * *

"To-the-good-people-of-Kingdom-Hearts-Awards," Bridget said flatly, reading off index cards and then proceeding to toss them over her shoulder, "we-are-terribly-sorry-for-the-inconvenience-this-recent-turn-of-events-has-caused-you."

"Actually," Erica said, taking the microphone, "we're not sorry at all, but legally, we do owe you an explanation, at the risk of being kicked out of The Castle That Never Was. But before we start-" She pulled Izzy from backstage. "-This is Izzy. You may know her as the little voice that made sarcastic comments about Bridget's sanity and the Jesse McCartney jokes, until now. So, everyone say hello to her."

"Hi, Izzy!" the crowd greeted, in a way that reminded the girls very much of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, not that they would know anything about that… (Erica: Or do we? Bridget: Do we? Erica: Of course not. The only purpose of these mini-conversations is to distract the readers from the actual story. Bridget: Shit, now they're on to us!)

Erica continued. "At any rate, she'll be joining us as a regular, _if _she can survive the intense initiation we've-" Bridget coughed. "-I mean, _I've _planned for her."

"That sounds an awful lot like a gang jumping in a new member," Sora stated, still upset that no one else cared about his opinion.

"Sora, shut up!" Riku said.

"But you don't need to worry about that until later!" Bridget said quickly. "We'll start with explanations for the suspects' alibis, and work our way up to the identity of the murderer. That should kill… three hours or so."

"Alright, let's get started!" Erica announced. "First up is… Riku! Tell us all about what really happened to your cast, and why you lied to us about whether you were looking for me and/or Logan," she said, fake smiling as she handed him the microphone.

Riku shrugged. "Well, for starters, I really did get dirt on my _bandage_," he corrected. "From those damn potted plants Marluxia leaves all around the place, you know?" The audience agreed. "And as for your second question, I left to look for Erica, but then I realized Logan had been really mad when he left, and someone's got to be like a sibling to him; God knows Bridget isn't. And then there was the whole thing about the author needing me to look suspicious or else we wouldn't have had much of a mystery."

Bridget snatched the microphone away from him, then tried to hand it off to someone else. There were no takers. She sighed. "Fine, then I guess I'll explain the plastic pink purse. Shockingly, it actually is mine. You would be surprised by how little my extended family knows me. And since I'm not a particularly girly person, I'm not going to spend my own money on a purse, so I use what's available, out of necessity. And Erica doesn't help with her gifts, at this point she is only giving them ideas." _Although, I've been meaning to take a black sharpie to that pink eyesore_, she thought to herself. She tossed the microphone to Naminé.

"What do I have to explain again? Oh, right, about the sketch… Logan wanted a sketch of Yuffie, which I did draw, I just forgot it. It was an honest mistake, really. Look, I have the picture right here," she said, holding up her sketchbook. Naminé passed the mike to Logan.

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's true I was pissed when I left, but I didn't kill Kairi. I wanted revenge on my sister, so I snatched one of her precious childhood things, shredded it, and burned the scraps. And I would offer you proof, but it's all ashes now." Logan handed off the microphone to Sora.

"What am I supposed to say? She was already dead when I got there. I'm the real victim here!" he shouted. Erica grabbed the mike from him before he could say something to incriminate Izzy instead of Roxas.

"That's enough soda for you. This concludes our explanations of the suspects' alibis."

"No it doesn't. What about those phone calls?" Riku raised an eyebrow.

"What about them?" Erica asked, un-phased. "It was only Justin. See, since we kicked him off the show, I've had to call him to make sure he doesn't come back; yep, that's definitely why I keep calling him. And it wasn't like I hated Kairi to begin with, I mean she is a pointless character, but I love watching how much trouble she causes Sora." Everyone seemed content with that answer, except for Riku, of course.

"The murderer," Bridget concluded, "is none other than Roxas."

Upon hearing this, Roxas started choking on his drink and stood up in his chair. "No, I'm not! Axel, do something!"

Axel tipped his head back and opened one eye lazily, staring at his friend. "And why would I do that? They finally paid me back for all the sandwiches they owe me, and then some. You expect me to ruin that?"

Roxas sat down, disappointed. "I guess not. Well, whatever they've got planned can't be too bad… can it?"

* * *

Izzy kicked a rock over the edge of the open grave plot. "You know, when you said we were having a funeral, I assumed you meant it was for Kairi."

"Ew, no, why the hell would we do something nice for Kairi, dead or alive?" Bridget asked, staring incredulously at her.

Erica, on the other hand, was carefully supervising the decorations. "Balloons… streamers… wedding cake… Christmas tree… No, that ice sculpture goes over there, in the corner, where it's not likely to fall on anyone," she instructed Hayner and Pence, who'd been roped in to helping her.

"Isn't this supposed to be an angel? I think you should get your money back; it doesn't have any wings," Hayner complained.

"Don't say that! Olette dragged me to see that movie," Pence said, horrified. (Movie Reference: "Over Her Dead Body".)

Emme showed up, wearing a black pantsuit. "Am I too late? I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

"What are you supposed to be?" Erica asked.

"A funeral director! It's my life's ambition!" Emme said happily. (We're just kidding.)

"Come to think of it, we need one of those," Bridget said, approaching them. She handed Emme a folder of sheet music. "Demyx can help pick the song." Emme nodded, leaving to find the hyper Nobody.

"I think they have Christmas and Halloween mixed up," Marluxia was telling Zexion.

"I don't think they have any consciousness for holidays at all," he agreed. "Or reality for that matter."

Sora and Riku walked up to the group, also wearing black suits. "Aren't you guys sad at all?" Sora asked, eyeing their generally cheerful expressions and casual clothes. The girls shook their heads no.

Riku held up the invitation. "Um, what does this mean?" It read: 'We formally invite you to the joining of Roxas and the ground. This invitation is good for you and one guest.' Since Erica had purposefully neglected to send Sora an invitation, he was Riku's guest.

"Is Roxas getting married to the ground?" Sora asked, confused. (Donald and Goofy, Roxas and the ground. We have the best damn crack pairings in the world!)

"No. Think of it as 'execution by being buried alive'," Bridget explained.

Riku raised an eyebrow. "I would elaborate on that, but my guest is here," Erica said, excusing herself. Izzy and Bridget glanced in the direction she was walking to see another boy about their age, also wearing jeans and looking much too content, for someone attending a funeral, anyway.

"Bridget, we need you up front to begin the ceremony," Emme called, leaving Bridget to run off and leave Izzy standing next to the open plot of land.

"Don't think about running off, we still have Justin's shock collars around here somewhere."

"I call dibs on the button," said Xigbar popping out of nowhere and then disappearing in a similar fashion.

"What is he doing here?" Izzy asked, referring to their teenage friend, as Erica handed out little bags of bubbles to the somber funeral guests. "I thought you only brought fictional guys (and Justin) on this show."

"You'd be surprised how much paperwork getting popular fictional characters to show up costs. Seriously, they don't make appearances for just anyone. You don't know how close this show came to being me, Bridget, Logan, Pence, and Vexen," Erica said, shuddering at the thought as she handed a bottle of bubble to Luxord as he entered, wearing a pink tux.

(Bridget: Avoid the paperwork – just "borrow" them!)

"So I've decided this is the next best thing," Erica said, pulling out a white wig and placing it on the boy's head before snatching his DS away and replacing it with a robot.

"Hey, I thought he wanted to be L," Izzy pointed out.

"And if he would be happier with a cake then a robot I would have let him, however, he seems to be just fine as he is," Erica explained before hurrying off to stop Zexion from throwing Xigbar into the open grave.

(Riku: This child also seems strangely familiar… Bridget: The actual person, or the character he's cosplaying? Riku: The second one. Oh, God, is the scary blonde guy coming back, too? Bridget: At the risk of me getting shot at again, I'm going to have to say no.)

"This is the worst rum ever," Luxord announced as he chugged the tiny bottle of bubble liquid.

The commotion, however, was cut off when Bridget began her speech. "We are gathered here today to discuss the loss of a very dear friend."

"Roxas was a dear friend?" Logan asked from his place next to her on stage.

"No, however he did provide many jokes and laughs at his expense, which we found amusing. However, at ten o clock last night (actually like a month ago, but this chapter has been sitting in Erica's computer for ages) a very sad thing occurred. Last night, at ten, while making a joke about how Jesse McCartney wants to steal our beautiful souls, the joke sadly died from overuse. So we are gathered here today to pay our last respects to the Jesse McCartney jokes, and send them to their final resting place." (Erica: I wonder how long this will actually last…)

At this Erica whistled and the new and improved crew of the S.S. Titanic appeared.

Zexion stood at the head of the party, scattering flower petals apathetically as a bound and gagged, not to mention struggling, Roxas was carried out by Demyx, Xigbar, Luxord, and Jack.

"So, it is with a heavy heart, and a jokeless mind that we must send Roxas into his grave and wish him a nice life in hell." (Bridget: Hell? Not again! Izzy: Yep, and you know what that means…)

At these words Roxas was tossed into the open grave and Xigbar and Luxord began to shovel dirt into the grave on top of him.

"No! Not Roxas!" Izzy screamed, jumping into the grave in hopes that they would stop burying Roxas as well.

Luxord and Xigbar paused, looking towards Erica for the signal to dig her out again or abort their mission.

"Just keep going," Erica commanded them, and then to Bridget to drown out the distressed screams of both Izzy and Roxas, "And she calls us the crazy ones."

Logan seemed vaguely appalled at his sister and her friend's apathy towards their friend's current underground status.

"And now, we ask that everyone come gather round the grave to say their last goodbyes. If anyone wishes to throw rocks in it, far be it from us to keep you," Bridget informed the crowd.

"Oh, and there is cake in the great hall," Erica said as she watched many in the crowd take off. Her friend among them, still playing with the robot she had given him.

"Should we get Izzy out?" Bridget asked Erica once everyone else had left.

"Ah, she can wait a couple hours; did you not hear my announcement about cake? Anyway, maybe some guy with tight pants and a bow and arrow will come save her," Erica shrugged. (Just maybe…)

"That is true," Bridget considered, as they both headed off to get cake, "but we should at least save her a slice of cake."

As they walked away Demyx began to play the funeral version of Beautiful Soul, to cover the distraught screams of Izzy and Roxas yelling, "We're not dead yet!"

But Erica, Bridget, and Erica's friend, who is not deserving of a name, personality, or lines, were far too busy eating funeral cake with little pink sparkles to care.

* * *

Erica's friend looked up from the notebook she had shoved on his desk, her smug expression saying all that was required.

"I thought I got to kill someone," he said, flipping through the last couple of pages.

"No, you said you would like to kill someone, but you didn't."

"I didn't even get lines. I can't believe you made me read for that. And I'm keeping the robot," he said, tossing her notebook back.

* * *

Most of the residents of The Castle That Never Was were sleeping soundly and peacefully by the time Izzy and Roxas crawled out of the grave and reentered the castle, caked with dirt and leaving muddy footprints all over the nice, clean floor. Erica and Bridget had been waiting for them, and by waiting, we mean "watching Death Note and totally not expecting zombies".

"Yay! He actually has a decent English voice!" Bridget cheered.

"Just in time to get shot," Erica muttered. The door on the other side of the room slammed open, and Bridget fell off her perch on the arm of the big chair directly in front of the TV. Erica and Bridget screamed in unison.

Izzy and Roxas laughed and slapped high fives, the later taking off to find Axel and get a shower. (But not necessarily in that order, fangirls.) "So now do you regret burying me alive?"

Bridget and Erica exchanged a glance. The initial shock had worn off, so their attention had turned back to the show. Izzy stepped in front of the screen. "No!" both girls shouted.

"Oh," Erica remembered, craning her neck to see around Izzy, "I just remembered what your initiation should be."

Izzy flinched. "You mean being buried alive wasn't it?" Erica shook her head.

"Nope. And your punishment is getting longer and worse for every second I can't see- Never mind, he's dead now." Bridget sighed.

"So, are you ready to be on the show for good?" Erica asked, smiling evilly.

"Yes?" Izzy guessed.

"Good. Close your eyes, then." Izzy did. Bridget and Erica rushed around the room, tying Izzy to the chair, and surveyed their work. "Okay, open them."

"One more thing," Bridget said, slipping a disc into the DVD player. Naruto.

"You're kidding me. You guys don't even watch this show!" Izzy shouted, struggling.

"Of course not, it's an awful excuse for an anime," Erica said. "But we're not watching it; you are."

"Is it at least in English?" Izzy asked.

"No. Japanese and subtitled. Buh-bye!" Erica slapped a piece of duct (not "duck") tape over her mouth. Bridget and Erica walked out of the room, shutting of the lights and closing the door.

* * *

Riku and Sora were waiting on the other side of the door. Izzy's screams of terror were muffled by the tape and the four walls that trapped her.

"I swear, you guys haven't anything normal since you started watching that show," Riku muttered.

"Riku, we've never written everything _normal_," Erica explained. "Our writing has just gotten slightly more wonderfully twisted since Death Note came into our lives in... October?"

"And Bridget has been paying less attention to me since she discovered other anime guys," Sora added. He was ignored. Little did he know, _everyone _had been paying less attention to Sora lately.

* * *

Erica's notes: I still don't think it was ready to be posted, but Bridget, after weeks of poking me, got me to hand it over, and has made a few improvements. And my advice for today is this: never buy slime green nail polish. It seems fun at the time, and even if you never plan on using it, I promise it will come back and bite you some day.


End file.
